The funny thing about being a comedian is that no one knows when you’re serious, I wasn’t feeling fine last night and I texted a doctor “Hello doctor, please I’m not feeling fine, I’m having a headache all over my body, my bones are shaking, and my stomach is making a serious noise like a class full of grade11 students, I can’t even talk, please come to my house right now”
.
And the doctor just replied with “Lol” 😂😂
😏😏he thought I was joking
*MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER*
*Time*: *3Hrs 30MINS*
*INSTRUCTIONS:*
1 *_ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS_*
2 *_ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS_*
*1.* You are a married man and you have dated somebody’s wife for *two* years, busy spending on her like there is no tomorrow. eventually she drops you and concentrates on her innocent husband. Calculate the percentage of time wasted. *(20 marks)*
*2.* You bought a phone for your friend’s wife and she gave it to her husband. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. *(20 marks)*
*3. For Men* You’re dating around 15 ladies and every lady is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone 6s
*(a)* Plot a graph of detoothers against prices of phones. *(15marks)*
*(b)* Use your graph to estimate your future poverty *(5marks)*
*(c)* Plot the percentage shame against volume of apologies to your family members. *(5 Mks)*
*4.* You are whatsapping and face booking other peoples’ wives yet you don’t want to see your wife on social networks. Calculate the Percentage Error in your Thinking Capacity. *(20 marks)*
*5.* You are a *civil servant*, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than $500. Your daughter who is awaiting A level results is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy worth $800 each. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence. *(20 marks)*
*6. *For ladies* You’re a married woman and you have dated 20 guys with hard labour, use the law of diminishing returns to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy. *(20 marks)*
*7.* You can’t give your wife $2for sitshebo, but you spend over $20 in bars and restaurant.
Calculate the radius of your ‘stupidity’, take π=3.142 *(20 marks)*
ALL THE BEST
You buy your P30, we buy clothes, we dress & look nice, we borrow your phone & take pictures, we send them to your Mobicel & Life goes on..!
No body as a perfect relationship..everybody as his or her own problem…even does that have brakeup…. U girls that are look for perfect guy… U have to wait til Jesus come
A woman called the police station
one evening
and said, “My husband has gone out
with a
girlfriend and right now am going
after them . I
have a gun and when I find them, I
will kill both
them right away “. The police
asked, “Where
exactly have they gone ?”. Woman
:They went to
watch a certain Comedian show .
The police
rushed quickly and went to the
place and make
sure they arrived earlier than the
woman . When
they reached the place , they took
the mic from
the Comedian and start announcing,
“If there is a
married man here and has come with
a
girlfriend ,you must leave
immediately. Your wife
is coming right now with a gun to shoot
both of
you dead “. The police were
surprised that the
door became small as everyone was
running out
and the show ended because even the
Comedian
himself ran out
*Mum: Who is the* *president of USA*?
*Son: I don’t know!*
*Mum: (slaps son) It’s* *Donald Trump, you idiot*. *Next time, concentrate on your studies!*
*After some time.*
*Son: Mum, who is Aunty Jemila?*
*Mum: I don’t know!*
*Son: I wish l can slap* *you. Aunty Jemila is* *Daddy’s girlfriend! Next time, concentrate on your marriage and leave* *American matters alone*
Dating me and putting me on your d.p is not enough
I want to be your ringtone.
A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. Phiri, I am going
hunting tomorrow. I dont want to close the clinic. I
want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients. Yes, sir! answers phiri.
The doctor
goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: So, phiri, how was your day? Phiri told
him that he took care of three patients.The first one
had a headache so I gave him Panadol. Bravo, and
the second one? asks the doctor. The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Flagyl, sir.
says phiri Bravo, bravo! Youre good at this and
what about the third one? asks the doctor.
Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door
opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she
undressed herself,and lied down on the table. She
spread her legs and shouted: HELP ME! For five
years I have not seen any man!
Lord Jesus! Phiri, what did you do? asks the
doctor.
. .
PHIRI: I put eye-drops in her eyes, I think by now she’s able to see a man
Most of church girls think that they are wife materials
Guys I know we might share jokes, laughing together and such. But my private life has nothing to do with you, so please I want the truth now! Who gave Cristiano Ronaldo my Contact Number?
I’m 100% sure that the person who came up with a quote of: “All Men Are The Same”, is a Chinese🇨🇳 woman who lost her husband in a crowed..!
If you understand why Pizza🍕 is made Round🔵, Packed in a Square⬛ and Eaten in Triangles🔺. Then my friend you will Understand Girls..! 👌
I’ve had a letter from police saying they want to interview me.
Which is strange thing coz I’ve never applied for a job with them💁😣
I was in my garden and saw 10 ants running frantically. So I made them a little house out of the cardboard….
I guess that makes me their landlord and they’re my tenants
boy : Where Are You?
girl : I’m On My Way To Town I’m In My Father’s Mercedes Benz 🚗 Because The Bmw🚘 Is In The Services ☺️And You?
boy : I’m Sitting Behind You In The Taxi And I Just Wanted To Say Don’t Pay I Have Already Paid 4 you…
Which Of These Sentence Gave You A Great Joy When You Were In School?
1. Go Out For Break
2. Test Is Cancelled
3. Take A Sheet Of Paper
4. Answer Only One Question
5. Go Back Home There Is No School
6. The Mathematics Teacher Is Sick
7. If You Know You Owe School Fees, Walk Out.
Just indicate with number only.😃😃
