*I would like to assure the Nation that All the barmen are going to be safe and sound this Festive season. We’re only going to be targeting the beers around them. Otherwise enjoy your Christmas and New Year*
Sub Categories
When you chase women you lose money, but when you chase money you will never lose beautiful women.
Be careful with your salary.
This is a gentle reminder.
December is the month where
girls will be more polite than customer care*
Be Wise and Smart, Guys
Medical Self Care Tips to all my friends who take alcohol this Xmas.
1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward…
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You’re lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : you are looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You’re being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they’re taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself, position your glass correctly
6. Symptom : Your wife and all your kids are looking funny.
Cause : You’re in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask if they can point you to your house.
7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You’re in an ambulance.
Cure : Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job
ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST
10 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR HUSBAND HAPPY:
1. Give him sex
2. Obey him.
3. Love his parents.
4. Respect his siblings.
5. Never argue with him.
6. Always make him feel he’s the superior. 7. Never investigate his phone.
8. Kiss him when he insults you.
9. Don’t waste his property.
10. Support him when he’s broke.
10 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR WIFE HAPPY:
1. Give her money.
2. Always give her money.
3. Continue to give her money.
4. Keep giving her money.
5. Never get tired of giving her money.
6. Give her money even before she asks.
7. Just continue to give her money.
8. Just keep giving her money.
9. Just never get tired of giving her money.
10. Just give her money even before she asks.
Never look back unless there’s an
attractive stranger behind you!
During my Teenage years,
Girls of my age would tell me that
I am young and that they will shake me..
Where you all at?
A black goat went to pick an egg from a black pot
and the black pot stuck to its head
crowning him the black prince of thiefs
*_What is a wedding?_*
*A wedding is a gathering of people
where two people are thinking of sex and
the rest of the people are thinking of food*
The Woman Who Invented The Phrase
“All Men Are The Same”
Was A Chinese Woman Who Lost Her Husband
Not only do I sing in the shower,
but I also dance. Jealous?
Enough about jokes on *wives*. Now somethng for *husband*…😉
A new metal is added to *chemistry*:
• Name – *Husband*
• Symbol – *Hb*
• Atomic weight:
– Light when found
first
– Tends to get heavier
over the years with
time
• Physical properties:
– Boils at any time
with inlaws
– Can freeze in front
of his own family
– Melts if sees other
women
– Very bitter if
questioned
• Chemical properties:
– Very reactive
– Highly unstable
– Possesses strong
resistance to gold,
silver, diamond,
platinum, credit
cards and cheque
books
– Money saving agent
• Occurrence:
– Mostly found in
front of TV, Laptop & Mobile.
Today I donated my Watch ,Phone and $500 to the poor guy.
How happy am I when I saw the poor guy
put his knife back in his pocket ..
All the guys who drink 2 beers & start talking about opening a company should remain in 2017
If a man is allowed to select a girl from a possible of 100 girls…
Even if he picks the most beautiful one, he will still feel the pain of losing the remaining 99.
It’s Genetic !!!
Dear ladies …
Open the gifts not your legs. It’s Christmas not sexmas…
A Father Passing By His Teenage Daughter’s Bedroom Was Astonished To See The Bed Was Nicely Made And Everything Was Neat And Tidy.
Then He Saw An Envelope Propped Up Prominently On The Center Of The Pillow.
It Was Addressed”Dad”. With The Worst Premonition, He Opened The Envelope And Read The Letter With Trembling Hands:
Dear Dad,
It Is With Great Regret And Sorrow That I’m Writing You, But I’m Leaving Home.
I Had To Elope With My New Boyfriend Randy Because I Wanted To Avoid A Scene With Mom And You.
I’ve Been Finding Real Passion With Randy And He Is So Nice To Me.
I Know When You Meet Him You’ll Like Him Too – Even With All His Piercings, Tattoos, And Motorcycle Clothes.
But It’s Not Only The Passion Dad, I’m Pregnant And Randy Said That He Wants Me To Have The Kid And That We Can Be Very Happy Together.
Even Though Randy Is Much Older Than Me (Anyway, 42 Isn’t So Old These Days Is It?), And Has No Money, Really These Things Shouldn’t Stand In The Way Of Our Relationship,
Don’t You Agree?
Randy Has A Great Cd Collection; He Already Owns A Trailer In The Woods And Has A Stack Of Firewood For The Whole Winter.
It’s True He Has Other Girlfriends As Well But I Know He’ll Be Faithful To Me In His Own Way.
He Wants To Have Many More Children With Me And That’s Now One Of My Dreams Too.
Randy Taught Me That Marijuana Doesn’t Really Hurt Anyone And He’ll Be Growing It For Us And We’ll Trade It With Our Friends For All The Cocaine And Ecstasy We Want.
In The Meantime, We’ll Pray That Science Will Find A Cure For Aids So Randy Can Get Better; He Sure Deserves It!!
Your Loving Daughter,
Rosie.
PS: Dad, None Of The Above Is True.
I’m Over At The Neighbor’s House.
I Just Wanted To Remind You That There Are Worse Things In Life Than My Report Card That’s In My Desk Drawer.
Please Sign It And Call When It Is Safe For Me To Come Home.
I Love You Dad