A guy takes a girl on a date. She orders costly champagne, oysters, lobsters, the most expensive food on the menu. The guy asks: “Do you eat like this at your mom’s place?” The girl replies, “No, my mother doesn’t plan to sleep with me after the meal.
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very closely:
“Are – my – test – results – back?”
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very closely:
“Are – my – test – results – back?”
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Our kids are in trouble 😳😳😳… Nigerian volunteer teachers coming
How Nigerians pronounce English words:
1. Diz hwan – This one
2. Ozzband – Husband
3. Gugu – Google
4. Broader – brother
5. Con son- concern
6. Save johnny – safe journey
7. Order shy knees – other Chinese
8. Lukatit – look at it
9. More door – mother
Lastly…….most hilarious!!!!
10. Salt of free car – South Africa!!!!
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A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to him; My king, do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, no mistakes. One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn’t prevent his majesty from losing a finger. Furious and without showing gratitude, the King said; if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger. The servant replied, ‘despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong’. Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant. While being taken to prison, he told the king again, God is Good & Perfect. Another day, the king left alone for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice. On the altar, the savages found out that the king didn’t have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered not “complete” to be offered to the gods. On his return to the palace, he ordered the release of his servant and said; My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger, I was let go. But I have a question; If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in prison? His servant replied; My king, if I had not been put in prison, I would have gone with you, and would have been sacrificed, because I have no missing finger. Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong. Often we complain about life, and the negative things that happen to us, forgetting that everything happens for a purpose. God knows why you are reading this message today, please bless someone with it by sharing it. God is good and perfect!!
May someone shout “Amen” if you are inspired by this message.
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That awkward moment
when the teacher tells you to read out loud …
And you don’t even know what page they’re on
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A fat man saw an advertisement: “Lose 5Kg In A Week”⚠
He called and said: “I would like to join”😕
The girl said: “ok, be ready tomorrow at 6 am”😐
The next morning he got to the office and was taken to a room …he opened the door and found a hot babe wearing only shirt and pant😋
She said: “If you can catch me…you can sleep with me!”😉… the man started running after her but couldn’t catch her😩…During the whole week he tried to catchher but he couldn’t and he lost 5 Kg…
He then asked for the 10Kg program…The next morning at 6 am, he opened the door and found hotter babe wearing a bikini👙…she said: “If you can catch me, you will sleep with me…” He lost 10Kg that week…
So he thought that this program was awesome…He then requested for a 25kg program…The girl asked: “Are u sure??…it is really tough!!”😐
The man said: “Why not?”💪
The next day he opened the door expecting to see a naked girl but found a naked man who said: “If i catch you, i will sleep with you!”😀
That week the man lost 40Kg
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She updated her profile pic and her mother commented:
“whose clothes are those??
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Being ugly is not easy…
Sometimes when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror
you end up saying: “maybe it’s not me”
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Cuddling is for the rich.
No woman want to place her head on a broke man’s chest,
when the heart is beating “Debt debt debt”
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Being Popular on Facebook is like
sitting at the coolest table in cafeteria
at a Mental hospital function
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And that’s what I figured out lately.
They all listen to reply, or listen because they want to know a certain detail.
They act like listening but they are all somewhere else waiting for you to stop talking.
When you talk, choose a person who listens as if it’s their own story.
Choose someone who knows more details about you, you even forget.
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Rich in class
Teacher: “If i lay one egg today and tomorrow i lay four…how many eggs will be there be?”😕
Rich: “None”😑
Teacher: [suprised] “why not??”😨
Rich: “Because u can’t lay eggs”
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An African woman married a Chinese man and had a child…
Two months later the child passed away😢
At the funeral house, the African woman kept crying and saying: “I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!!..”😭
A family member pulled her aside and asked: “what did u know?”😨
She replied: “That Chinese Products don’t LAST LONG!!!”
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Funny guys are dangerous😂😂
They’ll make you laugh and laugh and laugh….
Then boom you’re naked
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Nobody keeps in touch like a female
you promised money
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