Nyaa came from school and dancing.
His father wondered what made so happy and decided to ask.
Dad : Son I have never seen you in this mood for a
while now…..any good news u want to share?
Nyaa : Dad next year you won’t be buying any textbook, notebooks and writing materials…..
Dad : That’s my son, why …. did you win a Scholarship?
Nyaa : No! Dad I’m repeating the same class

A man at work calls home and his 8 years old daughter picks the phone:
“Hi honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?”
“No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” The little girl quipped.
“After a brief pause daddy says, “But honey you haven’t got an uncle Paul!”
“Oh yes I do, and he is upstairs in the room with mommy right now.”
Brief pause,“ Uh okay then, this is what I want you to do: put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, and shout to mommy that daddy’s car has just arrived at the gate.”
“Ok daddy just a minute….”
A while later the little girl comes back to the phone, “Done it daddy.
””What happened honey?”
“Well, mommy got scared and jumped out of the bed naked, ran round the room screaming, tripped over, and knocked her head on the staircase ,now she is not moving at all.”
“What about Uncle Paul?” asked Dad. He jumped out the window into the swimming pool, but I guess he didn’t know you emptied the water last week. He hit the bottom and I think he’s dead.”
After a really long pause this time… Daddy says, “Swimming pool, but we don’t have a swimming pool! Is this 486-5731?”
“No, this is 486-5713” “Sorry wrong number….!!!!”

The story behind “ladies first”:
Long ago, a man ‘n woman were madly in love.They wanted to get married but their parents didn’t approve.So they decided to kill themselves.They thought the best way to do it was to leap off a cliff…The man couldn’t bare to see his sweetheart fall before him.. so he convinced her he would go first, and he jumped..
.
.
.
.
.
But that bitch never did..

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
If he does not love you anymore, what do u think can make him start re-loving you?
There is only LOVE in the Dictionary, no “RE-LOVING”
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.”You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

A wife wakes up in the middle of the night and starts applying her makeup right there in bed…… Husband stares at her and asks “Have you lost your mind ?” She Replies “I need to unlock my phone, it’s on face recognition and it doesn’t recognize me”.

A very wealthy man had a Birthday party and he invited everyone in his town. In his Mansion, he had a big pool filled with alligators. So he announced that anyone who was able to swim across the pool and come out unharmed would be granted three wishes.
Immediately, there was complete silence, nobody wanted to risk his or her life. All of a Sudden, there was a big splash and Akpos was swimming like hell! He successfully came out alive.
He was then given a round of applause. Everyone was anxious to know what gave Akpos the courage to do it, but then, the host asked, “What are your three wishes?”
Akpos replied, “Give me a shotgun, 3 rounds of shells (bullets) and show me the idiot who pushed me inside the Pool!.”

I’ve started receiving texts mostly from ladies like:
“Its being a while”
“I Missed you so much”.
“You’re so sweet my dear”.
“Where are you?”
😳😳😳
BUT
No weapon formed against my wallet will prosper this Valentines day
Amen

Phone rings☎*:
*GIRL:* Hello
*GUY:* My L♡ve how are you doing?
*GIRL:* Am fine.
*GUY:* Will you be free during the weekend, & can you come to my house🏠?
*GIRL:* Am sorry I cant make it because I will be attending my Aunty’s wedding👰and the next
day I’ll be busy, I’m so occupied.
*GUY:* Ooh ok, I was just planning to take you out for shopping, suprise you with an iPhone📱 7 (256 GB jetblack) then buy you the dress👗, louboutin shoes👠👠you’ve been asking for…
*GIRL:* I will be coming & I may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my L♡ve.
*GUY:* What about the
wedding👨👰?
*GIRL:* Which wedding, I was only joking.
*GUY:* Me too!

INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the
following
circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its
master.
b. The moment Julie G. starts unbuttoning her
blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The
Crying Game”.
e. When she is using her teeth.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party
may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours,
his sister is off limits forever unless you actually
marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in
a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at
will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall
never be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.

Friend or love?
B1-, buddy, I have a problem.
B2- What is it, buddy?
Yehey, my wife is fighting for a fight.
B2-, what are you fighting for?
B1- He chose me if a friend or love.
B2, so friend you chose because you’re here? 😁😂😃😄
B1- Not pre love I chose.
I love you, buddy

Read:
Not all parties happy.
– Third Party😊
Not all positive beautiful.
– HIV positive 😀
Not all 13 luck.
– 13th month pay 😁
Not all green nutritious.
– phlegm 😂
Not all test hard.
– Urine Test😇
Not all of in clothing attracts.
– edema 😅
Not all with bags come in.
– Dora 😊
Not all breaks sad.
– semester break

Announcement we will get rich soon 😍
.
.
.
.
.
.
Only money is missing

Lebo:Does this shirt make me look fat?
Tebza:No, it’s the fat that makes u look fat

Tebza:I want to be a millionaire just like my father…
Lebo:Wow… Ur father is a millionaire???…
Tebza:No… He also wanted to be a millionaire just like his father