This thing of sleeping with a phone in your hand
Look now I just bought a house online

Yesterday i was in town, saw this beautiful lady waving and i waved back. Well she wasn’t waving at me but to this guy standing next to me. So to avoid the awkwardness i kept my hand up, the taxi stopped. Now I’m in Mozambique starting a new life

Sometimes you don’t realize your love for someone until they buy a car

If there was an award for laziness I’d probably send someone else
to pick it up for me.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t drink alcohol and smoke
you also gonna die you healthy bastards

I gave up on English the Day I realized that “manslaughter” is not the sound a Man makes while Laughing..

A woman called the police station
one evening
and said, “My husband has gone out
with a
girlfriend and right now am going
after them . I
have a gun and when I find them, I
will kill both
them right away “. The police
asked, “Where
exactly have they gone ?”. Woman
:They went to
watch a certain Comedian show .
The police
rushed quickly and went to the
place and make
sure they arrived earlier than the
woman . When
they reached the place , they took
the mic from
the Comedian and start announcing,
“If there is a
married man here and has come with
a
girlfriend ,you must leave
immediately. Your wife
is coming right now with a gun to shoot
both of
you dead “. The police were
surprised that the
door became small as everyone was
running out
and the show ended because even the
Comedian
himself ran out

I only want one girlfriend but if God gives me Five,
Who am i to say no?

Keep On Forgiving Him while You Are still Looking for Someone to Replace with

You are bathing and someone mistakenly open your door,,*
*what will you hide,,,,,,,*
*Me::i will hide my soap

I deleted all Eminem’s song’s even my mother
doesn’t shout at me like that

Women: Communication is key!👌
Men: What’s wrong babe?🤔
Women: Nothing GOODNIGHT!

*SEKE MAN IMPREGNATED 4 MEMBERS OF THE SAME FAMILY.*
A man shocked the residents of Seke when it was discovered that he impregnated 4 members of the same family.
Melinda Mukuyu, a married woman, her young sister and two of her daughters are said to have been impregnated by a local business man a Mr Foster Chiwanda.
There was drama in the area when the husband to Mukuyu requested to know who was responsible for her pregnancy because he had been away on fishing for some few months. This is when it was discovered that Mr Chiwanda had hit the jackpot and the sister also came up and said she was equally pregnant for the same man.
Then the daughters also confessed to seeing the said man and they too were pregnant. This got out of hand especially that one of the girls was just 15 years old. The husband then dragged the wife and the daughters to Mr Chiwanda who upon seeing them, he decided to leave the place but it was a bit too late for him because a lot of people had joined got hold of him.
As a first slap landed on him, he knew he had to save himself and he broke loose and ran for his dear life. One eye witness said he heard Mr Chiwanda saying ” ! ” (We are the only remaining real men, these others are just examples of men.)
Residents chased him behind with whatever weapon they could get hold of. As one man was about to catch him, he jumped and to the amusement of everyone, he started flying.
It was at this moment when my brother woke me up and said go and bath will be late for work..
Will tell you Wat happened next when I sleep tonight and have a continued dream.

Photographer: Principal my photos will cost R10 each child
Principal: Teachers please tell the students that photos are R20
Teachers: Kids 2morrow bring R30 for photos
Child: Mom the teacher said we must bring R50 for the photos
Mom:Daddy our kid needs R100 for the school photos…
And you expect corruption to end.!!!!

Stop saying: “They didn’t want me in high school, now they want me”. Did you see how you looked? Stop being unreasonable and unfair..! ☝

Ask your girlfriend to come and visit you she will demand for transport money, but let someone tell her that you are with another girl… My brother she can even hire a private jet