Last night, My Neighbour Came home drunk and banged on his own door for like 5 Mins . Problem is , He lives alone, So I went outside and told him
“He wasn’t there ” and he left !!!

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am i the only one who wipes the floor with the dish cloth while no1 is watching…?

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Jonathan
Imagine What Church Will Be Like In The Year 2030 if care is not taken…
Pastor: Praise The Lord
Congregation: Hallelujah
Pastor: Can We Pls Open our iPads to Exodus 20:1
When U r Done Kindly Switch On Ur Bluetooth To Receive The Sermon…
Pls Have Ur Debit Cards Ready As We Collect The Tithes And Offerings….
You Can Connect To Church WiFi Using Password: Lord3732
And As For The Renovations And Donations U r Welcome To Contribute Via Cellphone Banking
The Holy Atmosphere Will Be Electric As IPads Flicker
Meanwhile… ANNOUNCEMENTS
Church Secretary: Dis Week’s Meeting Will Be Held On Various WhatsApp Groups So Pls Don’t Miss Out …
Wednesday Bible Teaching Will Be Held Live On Skype @1900GMT…
By D Way You May Follow The Pastor On Twitter For Counselling And don’t Forget Our Weekly Prayers On YouTube… God Bless us….
If care is not taken, this is how next generation children will learn their ABC. A for Apple won’t be useful anymore…. Instead:
A is for ATM
B is for Bluetooth
C is for Chatting
D is for Download
E is for Email
F is for Facebook
G is for Google
H is for Hotmail
I is for instagram
J is for Java
K is for Konga
L is for Laptop
M is for MTN
N is for Network
O is for Opera Mini
P is for PicMix
Q is for QuickTime
R is for RAM
S is for Skype
T is for Twitter
U is for USB
V is for Vista
W is for WhatsApp
X is for Xender
Y is for Yahoo
Z is for Zuma

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“No Thanks, I’m A Vegetarian” Is A Funny Thing To Say
When Someone Tries To Hand You Their Baby 🤣😂

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One day somebody buy a donkey and the man who buy it ask how the donkey works ?
the farmer said if you say oh my god it will walk ,if you say oh my god two times
it will run. The man take it for a test drive and said oh my god two times and
it begins to run the man said stop because the mountain has stop and
there was water on the ground and the man say oh my god and
the donkey begin to walk in to the water from the mountain

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We have smartphones
We have smart cars
We have smart building
When we have smart people ?

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When you are at the market and you saw your girlfriend twin sister and you go to her for a kiss and your girlfriend was rite beside you

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If ur boyfriend has time for u during the night…
U are dating a mosquito 😱😱

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I dreamed my ancestors singing (asiphelelanga)
I had to wake up quickly before they mention that who left

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Mr and Mrs had two sons one was called mind your own business and the other one is trouble

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Familie*The Kasama Brothel*

The madam opened the brothel door in Kasama and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties.

“May I help you sir?” she asked.

“I want to see Mwansa,” the man replied.

“Sir, Mwansa is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the madam.

“No, I must see Mwansa,” he replied.
Just then, Mwansa appeared and announced to the man she charged K5000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand Kwacha and gave it to Mwansa, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Mwansa. Mwansa explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.
There were no discounts. The price was still K5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Mwansa, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Mwansa and they went upstairs.

After their session, the man asked Mwansa to sign a receipt that she had received K15000. She was astonished nevertheless signed on the receipt and said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row and for sure this is the first time anyone has asked me to sign a receipt. Where are you from?”

The man replied, “Chipata.”

“Really”, she said. “I have family in Chipata.”

“I know.” the man said.
“Your sister died, and I’m her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver you K15,000 inheritance in person.”

Three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Being screwed by a lawyer
3. Wise men come from the east.
********************
If you have any question ask me
Another wiseman
😂😂😂😂

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At a wedding ceremony the pastor asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn’t go on; it was time to stand up and speak, or forever let them hold their peace.
*The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started slowly walking toward the pastor*.
Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom’s mother fainted. The bridal trail scooted towards the door.The groom’s men huddled together like a bereaved flock, wondering how best to help save the situation.
The pastor asked the woman, “Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?”
*The woman replied, “I can’t hear from the back.*

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Girls be like “men are dogs,men are dogs”now you are pregnant with a baby boy and you are starting to say “my handsome child” no my sister that’s puppy

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the worst thing about being in a relationship is that you have to bath even on weekends*

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Heartbreak 💔 is wen you see your boyfriend who promised to buy you an iphone8
Dancing at a Roadshow to win a Tshirt

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