If your girlfriend is pretty and
a lot of guys want her,
that’s another reason to keep her
and treat her right.
You got what they can’t have.

Everyone has an annoying friend.
If you don’t have one, it’s probably you

We all have that one skinny friend
that eats more than fat person

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table
in a cafeteria at a MENTAL HOSPITAL.

When I drink alcohol…
Everyone says I’m alcoholic.
But… When I drink Fanta..
No one says I’m fantastic.

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.

A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!

The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!”