Why are bachelors slimmer than married men?
Bachelors return from work and see the same boring stuff in the’ fridge’and go to ‘bed’…..
Whereas married men return from work and see the same boring stuff in ‘bed’ and go to the ‘fridge’.

When Sweden and Denmark are playing the score luks like Swe 0-0 Den
The words that are not used stand for Den-Mark??

Block Your Moms Slap & Listen To Her
Telling The Whole Family
How You Tried To Kill Her

Who Is More Stupid…??
(1)•The one is watering the garden while its raining…?
(2)•The one who shinning shoes for an ID photo…?
(3)•The One who reduce a TV volume to read an SMS..?
(4)•The one who fix a pen with an ovaralls..?
(5)•The one who takes a lunch box while he is working at the next door..?
(6)•The one who sell the bicycle just to buy a pump..?
(7)•The one who do eye shopping with a trolley..?
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Don’t forget to share…

Yesterday Morning A Man Was Raped
By A Group Of Beautiful Lady’s
While He Was Jogging At The Park,
This Morning 150 Man Was Found Jogging At Park..

My phone just fell down from the table,
so I’m checking if my Facebook friends are not injured…,
Are you okay guys?…..
Please reply me,because I’m worried. _
I care about you_*

When you chase women you lose money, but when you chase money you will never lose beautiful women.
Be careful with your salary.
This is a gentle reminder.
December is the month where
girls will be more polite than customer care*
Be Wise and Smart, Guys

Medical Self Care Tips to all my friends who take alcohol this Xmas.
1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward…
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You’re lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : you are looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You’re being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they’re taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself, position your glass correctly
6. Symptom : Your wife and all your kids are looking funny.
Cause : You’re in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask if they can point you to your house.
7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You’re in an ambulance.
Cure : Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job
ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST

You’ve Been Single From January till
November And As We Enter December You’ve
Found Love. Bro Don’t Accept It, The Devil
Wants To Play With Your Bank Account ☹☹☹☹
Trust me…

Chess is da only game in da world,
which reflects da status of the husband.
The poor king can take only 1 step at da tym
while the mighty Queen can do wtevr she likes;-)

Tip to reduce weight :
First turn your head to the right and then turn it to the left.Repeat the exercise everytime you are offered something to eat

A Drunk man is stopped by the Police around 1 AM & is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health.”
*Police:* Really….??? Sounds interesting… Who is giving that lecture at this time of night???
*Man replies*, “My wife!!!”

*A man was walking naked in jungle. When the animals saw him, they all ran away*.
*The zebra then asked the lion, “even u, King of the jungle?”*
*The lion replied, “My friend, Keep jokes aside. That’s a strange animal. The Tail is in front*.

A rapist entered a bedroom, tied up the husband and wife, kissed the wife’s ear and went to the bathroom… The husband said to the wife “satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love u” Wife said “he didn’t kiss me, he whispered in my ear dat he is gay, he needs vaseline and I told him it’s in the bathroom. So be strong, I love u too….

*Project Manager* is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in just One month.
*Procurement manager* is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
*Operations Manager* is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month if she works harder.
*Marketing Manager* is a person who convinces anyone that he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman is available.
*Financial Budget* Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.
* Planning and Technical Team* thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document the 9 months.
*Quality Manager/ Auditor* is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
*HR Manager* is a person who thinks that…even a Monkey can deliver a Human Baby – if given 9 Months.
*Customer* is the one who is absolutely clueless as to why he wants a baby….!!!!!
Dedicated for all corporate guys

*I would like to assure the Nation that All the barmen are going to be safe and sound this Festive season. We’re only going to be targeting the beers around them. Otherwise enjoy your Christmas and New Year*