Examining a female patient brutally beaten by her husband, Doctor tells her: “Your heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
The woman immediately starts taking off her skirt and underwear.
The doctor shocked said: “No! No! Please! Put on your clothes! Just show me your tongue!”

Wife to her husband text*:
“Big head, you haven’t called me since morning…Are you the only one working in that office? Smh! Fine, continue…”

Side Chic text:
“Babes, you haven’t called today, I guess you’ve been busy with work. I hope you’ve had time to eat something at least. Don’t overwork yourself my love. I will call you later.
I Love you!”

Now do the mathematics yourself, it’s not juju they use in snatching your husbands , is it?

A married woman entered a Pharmacy, she walked to the Pharmacist looked straight into his eyes and said: ‘I would like to buy FAST KILLING POISON FOR HUMANS’.
The bewildered Pharmacist asked: ‘Why, what for? The lady replied: ‘I need it to poison my husband’.
The Pharmacist shouted: ‘Lord have mercy, it’s against the law! It’s a sin.’
Absolutely not! shouted the lady. She reached into her bag and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and screamed: ‘Why didn’t you tell me you had a Prescription….

Poor countries have the longest National anthems because they explain all their problems in it!

Donald Trump

Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army!

Interviewer, “We want a person with a suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly, having a KILLER INSTINCT !!! So do you think you are eligible?”

Man, “No Sir, but…….. can my Wife apply..?”

The pain that girls feel when they give birth is the same pain we (boys) feel when they say ”I can’t come out im already sleeping see u tomorrow…

2000 girls can Embarrass You sometimes..Today i took out my 2000 bae for a lunch

Waiter: Can I take your orders
Me: Oh yess…Black coffee ..plz..
Bbe: Eeh…Emtee plz… Nx

Girl : “wait for me hun, i wanna do my make-up”.
–
Ronnie : “You don’t need a make-up”
–
Girl : “oh! Really Ronnie?……….that is so sweet of you”
–
Ronnie : “No, You need Plastic Surgery”.

Ronnie walked into a bar and saw that cheeseburgers cost R30, Hotdogs R20 and a Handjob R40. He walks towards the counter and asks the lady ;
–
Ronnie : “are you the one who does handjob?”
Lady : “Yes”
Ronnie : “ok, please wash your hands i want a cheesburger”

Yaz Some girls have no chill shame.
They take pictures in expensive restaurants
and crop out the guy who bought food.

I sent her money for transport and she didn’t show her ass now she’s ignoring my calls and she’s online on Facebook and i know she’s going to see this post…
•°•
Hey!! you prostitute am giving you 10minutes to call me or else i will mention your name.

The way this weed making me feel too high…
I can even kill two stones with one bird

She was my daily crush until She posted:
“Imagine stealing the meat and forgetting to put the pot door

Teacher: John what is 9-8
John : i don’t know sir
Teacher: okay you have 9 beers and ben takes 8 beers what will be left

John: 9 beers and a dead man

Me trying to learn English

–
Teacher: you did it, didn’t you?
Me: You took my pen,tookn’t you?

Is it wrong to ask your friend to help you make your wife pregnant if you fail ?