People say a lot of people die because of alcohol,
i guess they never realised how many babies are born of it.

Not every girls with big eyes are beautiful,
some of them look like a shocked frog!!!

A Chinese dude walks into a restaurant and wants to order a chicken but unfortunately he can’t remember what “Chicken ” is called in English.
.
So the dude saw the other dude at the table next to him with a plate of 4 boiled eggs on it.
.
Then he points to the plate of 4 boiled eggs and says to the English waiter”Arrange me their mother”…

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”, to which the wife responds, “He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too.”

Girlfriend : “ILY”
–
Ronnie : “mmmh! thats so romantic please spell it out”
–
Girlfriend : “I’m Leaving You”

Whenever I find the key to success,
someone changes the lock. 😓

A signboard outside a restaurant read “Eat As Much As You Can, Your Grandchildren Will Pay”
–
Rich entered the restaurant and ate as much as he could, got a toothpick and was relaxing when the waiter gave him the bill, he laughed, pointed to the signboard and said” don’t u see? Only my Grandchildren will pay”
–
The waiter replied “This is not your bill, It’s your Grandfather’s bill”

Comment with a biggest lie
–
Me : I eat once a year
–
Whats yours?

If u want to look like an idiot😉
Advise a girl that is in love

Usually people who like to post on other people’s wall
–
Are the same kind of people who love writing
“I Was Here” in buses and public toilets

I went to a night prayer in one church😐
–
So in the midst of the prayer session a member touched my shoulder and said “You Will Walk”😯
–
I didn’t understand because im not disabled..
But after church I realised my transport money had been Stolen

You Wanna See His True Colours?
Tell Him You’re Pregnant!!!

Husband : Honey Let’s Play Hide And Seek?
Wife : No, Last Time We Played It I Couldn’t Find You
And You Came Back 15 February!!!

Insecure guy
.
Guy: bae where are you??? Girl: I’m in church
love ! Guy: Give Jesus the phone.

Kissing a short person is like
drinking water
from the tap

A chinese guy walks into a bar
–
Ronnie : “hey, do you know Kung fu?”
–
Chinese : “no why is it because i’m a chinese?”
–
Ronnie : “no it’s because you are drinking my beer”
–
Chinese ran away!!