If ii cut off ur left arm,
ur right arm will be left

KINDS OF PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK:
1. THE UNHEALTHY: They always have
stomach ache, headache, back ache etc.
Facebook is not a clinic.
2. THE LIARS: Lie about their age, marital
status and use ridiculous names like Baby,
Awesome ,Angel, Dude, Miss pee, boo ,
Man, blah blah!!
3. THE WITCHES: They always like updating
about death, bad news and sickness.
4. THE TRAVELERS: Today in America,
tomorrow heading to Italy or South Africa,
next All over The country! Are you a
minister for tourism?
5. WEATHER FORECASTERS: They update
mostly when it is raining, cold or hot e.g
‘I’m freezing’ etc
6. PREACHERS: This are mostly single men/
ladies who are looking for a spouse. They
act holy and write Bible verses only on
Sundays and Fridays or on festival day.
7. THE CONFUSED: They are married today,
engaged tomorrow, next day in an open
relationship, in a complicated relationship,
single or divorced.
8. THE FIGHTERS: All they do is to seek
trouble on people’s post, they comment
awkwardly in order to start a fight.
9. THE (I Too Know): They will always
complain that u’re always online, they will
say; are you jobless? Sometimes u can’t sop
wondering what they are doing online
themselves. Seriously, man get a life and
stop face booking.
10. THE DESPERATE. They are always
posting pictures of them in different cars
claiming car owners and always updating
themselves in different hotels and
eateries…damn…are they car dealer or
Hotel room attendant?
11. THE PEACE MAKERS: These people are
very friendly and they appreciate peoples
effort, they say thank you if they read your
post and smile.
Note: These people are usually very rare to
find.
12. AND FINALLY THE HATERS: They will
never like or comment on your posts except when they have something negative to say about you or your posts. Or u put up an update which says you are “sad, heartbroken or in Pain”.
I mean they wont even Like this post..
e.g that’s a stolen post WTF, did i say i own it?

My Plan is to Love Her So Good To A Point
Where she Struggles To Remember
Any Nigga Who Once Been In Her Life Before Me.

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Calvin says, “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, have an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of Calvin, decides not to give importance to what he has said and then continues the lesson.
“And you, Amanda?” the teacher asks.
Amanda says, “I wanna be Calvin’s Bitch”

Calvin : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not
Calvin : Good, because I didn’t do my homework.

Anyone dating my future wife should please take it easy on her 2day… even if she says, “Hit me Harder!” and “Faster!” Or “Tear it!”, Please don’t mind her!
…I’m begging you in the name of God, she doesn’t know what she’s saying ..
Please!

A friend of mine told me his father bought an Android car,
I told him our swimming pool got burnt yesterday.
….he blocked me

If I impregnate a girl and She dumps me,
when She Gives birth…
Is the baby Also my Ex?

If bae doesn’t check up on u for 8+ hours
just move on with ur lyf “IT,S OVER”

*Admin:* Hi guys, im adding Vivie to the group.

*Malume:* Hi Vivie welcome to the group.

*Vivie:* Hi guys am new to the city.

*Mukoma:* Hi Vivie dont worry, am there…any problems i will be there.

*Moses:* Hi Vivie.. tell me if you have any problem, will arrange a solution for you.

*Shumba:* Hi Vivie, if you need anything tell me, it will be arranged.

*Samaz:* Hi Vivie, im here on stand-by for you.
Feel free any time of day, midday, a quarter day or whole day for any problem.
I am the solution. I will manage it for you completely and also..

*Vivie:* Thanks guys for your support.

*Sinyoro:* Vivie whats your full name

*Vivie:* Vincent Phiri

*Moses: left*
*Samaz: left*
*Shumba: left*
*Malume: left*
*Mukoma: left*

Not all man are fools,
some stay bachelors

Laziness is the mother of all bad habbits
but ultimately she is a MOTHER
and we should respect her.

I am the type of person who wants to get good grades
but doesn’t want to study

Wife was driving…..

Husband – “Why dont you use indicators when you take a turn?”

Wife – “What do you mean use indicators…why should I?”

Husband- “So that other drivers know which way you are going.”

Wife- “Where I am going is none of their business*…!!!”

Husband – “Sorry…..”

Ladies ,Please understand that cheating on your boyfriend
hurts more than him cheating on you

If your dad doesn’t have a beard,
you’ve got two Mums.