A moment of silence for people who were born on 29th February in this group….coz this year has nothing like 29th Feb….So how will you wish them ??
HAPPY DELETED BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE or what??

No matter how clever you think you are,
but when a 3 year old kid gives you a toy phone,
you will talk to it .

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he kicked open a bottle, and, guess what? Our dear, friendly neighbourhood genie pops out! So, as you know, he had to give her a wish;
“I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”

The genie granted the man’s wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries.

He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry,bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love — which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Genie, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day.

Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The genie replied, “My dear, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You’ll have to wait 9 months, though.

You got pregnant last night!”

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn’t swim.
When a boat came by, the captain yelled, “Do you need help, sir?”
The preacher calmly said “No, God will save me.”

A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked,
“Hey, do you need help?”

The preacher replied again, “No God will save me.”
Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?”

God replied, “Fool, I sent you two boats!”

CONFUSION is when Ur parents tell u that Sex before marriage is a sin but u appear in their wedding pictures..

A grade 2 kid was coming from school he entered the taxi and he started singing “if my father was a King my mother will be a Queen and I’ll be a Prince”
The taxi driver silenced the kid but the kid continued “if my father was the President my mother will be the First Lady and I’ll be the First Son”
then with anger the taxi driver asked the kid “what if your father was a robber what will your mother be and what will you be”
and the boy said “if my father was a robber my mother will be a prostitute and I’ll be a taxi driver

I am a 30 year old single guy, hard working and self motivated.

Am seriously looking for a beautiful,black and strong
Laptop to buy.

Jack’s in the bathroom and His wife shouts to him
“Did you find the shampoo?”
Jack says, “yes but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine

The wife has done nothing but stare through the bloody window since it started snowing…
If it gets any heavier I might have to let her in

Ladies if you pay rent alone but your man comes over ,walks around naked ,eats all your food.
That’s not a man ,that’s a rat !

My girlfriend said I must delete my Facebook account or
she’s leaving me
So I’ll be back guys; let me help her pack her bags

Dear White men,
U asked us to wear coats under hot sun, we did;
U said we should speak your language,
we have obediently ignored ours.
U asked us to always tie a rope around our necks like goats,
we have obeyed without questioning.
U asked our ladies to wear dead people’s hair instead of the natural
hair God gave to them, they have obeyed.
U said we should marry just one woman in the midst of plenty black angels,
we reluctantly agreed.
You said our decent girls should wear catapults instead of the conventional pants, they have obeyed.
You asked us to use rubber in order to control our birth rate,
we agreed yet we all know sweetness of live SEX!

Now U want our MEN to sleep with fellow MEN &
WOMEN with fellow WOMEN so that God would punish us like
Sodom and Gomorrah?
White folk, we say Nonsense!!
We don’t agree with U this time!
As proud Africans, we say a huge NO to GAY relationships.
If you agree with me,let’s claps hands together wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawa

A Preacher said: “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river”. And the congregation cried,”Amen!” “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river”. And the congregation cried,”Amen!” “And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I’d take it all and throw it in the river”. Again the congregation cried,”Amen!”
The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up & said: “For our closing hymn, let’s turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, ‘We shall drink from that river’.
THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUJAH!!

Nyaa was given an assignment to
find out what would happen to a
grasshopper after all its leg as been ripped off.

Nyaa couldn’t do it on his own so he brought the
grasshopper along with him to school.
In the teacher’s presence Nyaa started taking
the legs out one after the other
Nyaa said (after removing the first leg) “Jump!
Grasshopper jump!” the grasshopper jumped
he did this as he removed legs and the grasshopper
kept jumping upon removing the last leg
Nyaa said again “Jump! Grasshopper jump!”
but the grasshopper didn’t move,

the teacher who as been watching the
whole drama then asked Nyaa
“so Nyaa, what happens to a grasshopper
whose legs as been ripped off?”

Nyaa smiled and said “It looses IT’S ABILITY TO HEAR”

A famous inspirational speaker
said; Best years of my life were
spent in the arms of a woman,
who wasn’t my wife.The
Audience was in shock and
silence.He then added: “She was my
mother.”(A big round
of applause and laughter
roared).A very daring husband
tried to crack this at home.
After dinner, he said loudly to
his wife in the kitchen; Best years of my life
were spent in
the arms of a woman, who
wasn’t my wife. Standing for a
moment, trying to recall the
second line of that speaker, by the time he gained his
senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns
of hot water!
Moral Lesson: Don’t Copy, if you can’t Paste.