I couldn’t understand why it hurts a lot when you bite your tongue accidentally, but it doesn’t hurt when you bite it intentionally, and what I couldn’t understand most is why you’re biting your tongue right now?

Your Girlfriend will never post your pic on facebook because her sponsors are watching..
She can’t afford to Loose those airtime and Brazilianhairs because of you…..
.
But just upload them and tag her if she delete those tag…..
.
But it’s none of my business

I slept at this woman’s place🏡, then at night her husband came, i dont knw 🙅how it ended but now am in a room sleeping 🏨and I am seeing people dressed in white holding things like medicine💉💊.
.
I dont knw whats wrong

Being ugly is not easy.
You take 85 pictures, delete 80, edit 5 and post 1

Rainbow and Lerato in courtroom
Judge: Why did you hit ur wife with a chair??
Rainbow: I couldn’t lift a table…

A baby is never a mistake, you had sex
without condom, what were you
expecting? iPhone 9?

Him: baby can I see you today?
Her: John Cena
Him: what?
Her: you can’t see me.

Sonia Gandhi met the Queen of England in her palace

Sonia: “Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in power, the way you have been for so long?”

“Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Sonia frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me
are intelligent?”

The Queen: “Easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.”

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “David Cameron, would you come in here, please?”

David Cameron walked into the room and said, “Yes, ma’am?”

The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, “That would be me, ma’am.”

“Very good! Thank you, David !” said the Queen.

Then she turned to Sonia with a smile and said “See?”

Now its Sonia’s turn to apply the same logic….

Sonia went back to India and asked Rahul..
“Rahul , answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Rahul Gandhi . “Let me get back to you on that one…”

Rahul Gandhi went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer…

Finally, he ran into Narendra Modi and asked, “Narendrabhai, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”..

Narendra Modi answered, “That’s easy, it’s me!”..

Rahul Gandhi said, “Thanks!”

Then he went back to Sonia. “I did some thinking and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Narendra Modi…”

Sonia slapped him….
and shouted..
“No ! You dumb idiot! It’s David Cameron!!!

Your importance in a black family is when
you bring in money. Expect the worst
when you’re unemployed.

We live in a society where females think it’s okay to state their preferences, “tall guy with a beard, big ass package, light in complexion with killer abs. ”
But when I say I don’t like fat women, I’m insensitive & I’m body shaming. Fruitcake generation. The levels are staggering.

She tag us and be like
I’m sleeping with Mbula and 32 others….
Like really..???
The truth will set you free….

Guys wigs are meant to confirm beauty,
but some girls wear them to confirm gender.

I wonder what old people are doing on Facebook.
When they are here, then who is getting the
heart attacks and strokes?
People should know their place.

Barbara has a heart attack. During this, she dies and meets God. “Will I die?” she asked. “Not yet,” God replied, “You will live for another thirty five years,three months, and seven days.” At this instant, she snapped back alive. After the heart attack, she decides to make the most of her life. She gets a face lift,Botox, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even gets a surgery to change the colour of her hair. After her final surgery, she walks out and gets hit by a truck and dies. When she goes up in heaven and meets God, she’s steaming.

“What was that!?”Barbara asked. “What?” God responded, “You died.”

“You said I would live another thirty five years!”

“Oh.” God thought for a while. “I didn’t recognise you.

CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAD MAN AND A NORMAL MAN*

*Normal Man:* Why is that you people (mad people) always laugh when there’s nothing to laugh about?

*Mad man:* Its because you people don’t see what we see.

*Normal Man:* What do you people see?

*Mad man:* Have u ever seen an ant breastfeeding it babies? Or dogs having a marriage ceremony?

*Normal Man:* (Burst out with laughter..) Hahahaha!!! (and accidentally puffed)

*Mad man:* See how you are laughing and puffing now without even seeing anything.. what more will you do if you see those things? Obvious!! You will need pampers!

Husband was sipping his whisky, while sitting in the balcony with wife and he says,

“I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”

👩🏼 Wife asks, “Is that you, or the whisky talking?”

👴🏼 Husband replies, “It’s me….. talking to the whisky.”