I need your advice?.
.
Last night my side chick called me and asked
me to come over her place for a night, …well
i didn’t hesitate since i had days without
seeing her, ..as i was on my way she asked
me to buy a 2kg of mixed portion which i
did, .i got there around 19:00 then she
immediately took out 4 pieces from the
braaipack and started cooking, ..i was so
excited thinking meaning 2 pieces is for me
and the other 2 is for hers since i was also
hungry, ..we then sat at a couch patiently
waiting for the food to be cooked, …while
we were still waiting she received a call
from her baby daddy telling her his on his
way, .i was so angry and disappointed as
she asked me to leave,but as a gentleman
that i am i didn’t start a fight or anything of
sort, .i just stood up and went straight to
the fridge and took out the remaining half
of the braaipack then went to the stove and
pick up those 4 pieces in the pot and drank
the soup then left, .. so she’s now not taking
my calls No reply to my text and this silence
is eating me inside!.
.
Was i wrong?

A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home
and found her bathing. since he was blind, she
let him in. After bathing, she came out naked
with her legs spread and started shaving in front
of him and tried to make a conversation by
asking him, brother John, what brings you here?
Is everything OK at home? He replied, yes o, very
fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye
surgery and I can see very clearly now

MUMMY! MUMMY!!!
little Nyaaa rushed to his mother and told her excitedly, “Mummy, Mummy! Come quickly! There is a strange man playing with the house maid in her room! And they are both naked”
His mother stood up in anger, “In my house?! Is this girl crazy?! God! If Nyaa is saying the truth, I’m going to kill this girl today!”
She stormed down the hall to confront the maid but when she got to the door, Nyaa, who had been trying to play a joke on his mum screamed with glee, ”
.
AprilFools Mum! It’s only daddy playing with the housemaid !”

A researcher from the University of Oxford discovered that a woman speaks out 7000 words a day whilst a man speaks out 2000 words. So, if your wife starts shouting at yu just keep quiet, she is aiming to reach her daily word target.

An Aeroplane cleaner was cleaning
the pilot’s cockpit when he saw a
book titled, “HOW TO FLY AN
AEROPLANE FOR BEGINNERS.
Volume 1

He opened the 1st page which said: “To start the engine,
press the red button..” He did
so, and the airplane engine
started.. He was happy and
opened the next page…: “To get the airplane moving, press the blue button..” He did so and the plane
started moving at an amazing
speed… He wanted to fly, so he
opened the 3rd page which said:
“To let airplane fly, please press
the green button..” He did so and the plane started to fly…He was excited…!!
After 20 minutes of
flying, he was satisfied and
wanted to land so he decided to
go to the 4th page… and page 4
says; “To be able to know how to land a plane, please purchase
Volume 2 at the nearest book shop! ”

He will be buried tomorrow.

never attempt anything without complete information

A woman who hide her phone from her husband is a cheat. The man who hide his phone from his wife is trying to protect the relationship.

Please do not argue with me, I am not feeling well

Teacher: Jack, Go to the map and find North America.

Jack: Here it is

Teacher: Good Jack. Now class who discovered North America?

Class: Jack.

If you borrowed R10 from your friend to
buy a lotto ticket and you won R10 million
•

How much would you give your friend

I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in thirty minutes.Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, “Keith, we’re in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?”Keith replied, “No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs. Would you take him for me please?”Now picture this. All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses that day. People scattered not only trying to change planes but also trying to change airlines!

God Created A Man And He Said “this is a perfect creation”
……
He Then Created A Woman and said “well this one will need to paint her face every morning”

Two years ago I asked my friend to get me
my crush’s number because I was too shy to ask her myself 🙁
.
They are getting married next weekend

A Professor started his class on a very serious Topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the Whistler’s name. No one answered.

The Professor peacefully kept the Pen in his pocket saying: “Lecture ends here. I’ll tell you a story to utilise the remaining time”.

Everyone became interested.

“Yesterday night I tried hard to sleep, but it was miles away from my eyes, so I thought I’d better get petrol in my car, which will save my time next morning and might induce sleep. After having my tank full, I started roaming in that area, enjoying the peace of a traffic free ride.

Suddenly, on the corner I saw a girl who was as young and beautiful as the clothes she was wearing. Must have been returning from a party. Out of courtesy, I turned my car towards her and asked if I may be of any help. She asked me if I could drop her at her house, that she’ll be very obliged, to which I agreed.

She sat in the front seat with me. We started talking, and to my amazement she was very intelligent, had control on many topics which many youngsters don’t.

When we got to the address, she admitted my courteous nature and behavior and said that she had fallen in love with me.

I also admitted her intelligence and beauty and that I’ve also started liking her. I told her about my job as a professor in the university.

The girl asked for my number, which I gave her willingly. Then she asked me a favor, which I couldn’t have denied naturally.

She said that her brother is a student in the same university and asked me to take care of him, since we’ll be in a long relationship now.

I asked the name of the student. She said that I’ll recognise him with one of his very prominent qualities, *He whistles a lot!*

All eyes in the classroom turned towards the boy who had whistled…

The professor said: *”I didn’t buy my Ph. D in Psychology.. I earned it”!*
😂😂😂😂

A pregnant woman was delivering but the baby find it difficult to come out, but the nurses as usual yelled *PUSH..!!! BUT*no sign of the baby coming ……
.
After 10munites later, the baby’s head came out and asked?
Baby = is this South Africa ?
Nurse = yes!!!
Baby = is Zuma still in power ?
Nurse = yes!!!
Baby = is Malema still causing trouble in Parliament ?
Nurse = yes!!!
Baby = what about a bag of rice?
Nurse = R109.99
baby = how much is 1gig data bundles?
Nurse = R150
Baby = how much is the # SASSA grants?
Nurse = R350
Baby = and u want me to come out?
Nurse = yes!!
Baby = u must be joking!!!

A woman called the police
station last Saturday evening
and said, “My husband has
gone out with a girlfriend
and right now am going after
them. I have a gun and when
I find them, I will kill both of
them right away”. The police
asked, “Where exactly have
they gone?”.
Woman: They went to watch
a certain Comedian show.
The police rushed quickly and
went to the place and made
sure they arrived earlier than
the woman. When they
reached the place, they took
the mic from the Comedian
and started announcing, “If
there is a married man here
and has come with a
girlfriend, you must leave
immediately. Your wife is
coming right now with a gun
to shoot both of you dead”.
The police were surprised
that the door became too
small as everyone was
running out and the show
ended because even the
Comedian himself ran out!!!

You find a beautiful girl and the first thing
she asks you is “do you have another
girlfriend?”.
My dear have you ever seen someone
going to buy clothes while naked?

ENGLISH KiLLERS
1. She killed her self and died
2. Give me a blue pen of any color.
3. She commited suicide but thank Good
she’s alive.
4. Pick up the paper and fall in the
dustbin.
5. Both of you stand together separately.
6. I have three daughters; Both are girls.
7. Seeing identical twins, the principal
said,”you look together, are you twice?”
8. Am craving for an orange juice with a
guava flavor.
9. You three girls, both of you come here
and follow me. I’m right behind you.
10. I Will like to thank my folks,not forgetting
my parents.
11. I woke up dead.
12. They are eating jealous of me.13. I have
a financial problem of money.
14. I never hurt people internationally.
15. Last week, John was shot dead and
recovered in hospital.
16. Close the window, this weather is
coming inside.
17. All of you stand together in acircle.
18. My favorite tea is coffee.
19. He was involved in a car accident of
airplanes.
20. Yes are cousins , our mothers are
brothers
21. Its better to kill myself than to commit
suicide.
22 Stop talking twice plz try 2 speak once
upon a time
23. Add more pliza