“In High school, I was very poor in Maths and Chemistry. During the exams, i’d get between 2% an 8%. The results used to be announced out from the lowest to the highest marks. So i would always be the 1st or 2nd to be called out. One day the Maths results were being released and my name wasn’t among the first to be called out. The teacher got to 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s &70s. Still my paper had not been called out. Everyone kept looking at me asking” Man wats up? And the teacher went on to the 80s and when he got to 88%, he had one paper remaining. I then asked myself, could I have scored 90% in Maths ? I was feeling very anxious and happy now that I knew I had proved the so called Genius wrong.. The whole class was amazed as every one kept looking at me. It was unbelievable. Finally the teacher looked up and said, There is a cow who did not write his name on the paper that scored 0%. If you have not received your paper come and get it now”

What is Mhlolo?
.
Mhlolo is when you give a lift to a
beautiful girl and she faints in your car. You take her to the
hospital and the doctor says she is pregnant and
congratulates you that you will soon be a father . You shout
that you are not the father but the girl insist that you are the
father……Things are now getting Mhloloful you now require a
DNA test to prove that you are not the father…Things
become Mhlolostic when the doctor comes with results
saying you cannot be the father because you are infertile….
You are relieved but on your way home you remember you
are married with three kids at home!….. Now you are
extremely Mhlolicious Now you begin to ask yourself who is
the father to those three kids?… Now you get home to find
out the father to those kids is your gateman … You are now
Mhloloned You then decide to go to your mum to tell her the
sad news… Your mum with tears running down her cheeks
tells you ‘my son I’m so sorry….your dad isn’t your real
dad’…. Then you know things are Mhlolocated And if you
dont forward this you are a Mhlolocriosis

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and does the same examinations. When the third man starts examining her body so closely,she grows impatient and says: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation? “The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea. We’re just painting the corridor. “

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,”he observed. To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.” At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand andwhispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go.”

The Best Way To Smuggle Drugs Is To Place Them Up A Dog’s Ass.

That Way, Even If The Sniffer Dog Suspects Anything,

The Officials Will Think It’s Just Horny.

Niggas with no beards should have a
meeting and discuss their gender

The amount of lipstick some guys have
swallowed in the name of kissing is
enough to paint two local governments
schools

I don’t think you will stop laughing at this
one..??
A man ordered for a voice automated robot
car that does anything he tells it to do
correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on
errands. He became very proud of what the
car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him
to tell the car to go and pick the children
from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car…
Car, go and bring my children from school.
The car went and didn’t return in time as
expected, they knew something must be
wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man
became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a
report at the police station.
As he and his wife stepped outside they saw
the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and
said… “These are your children sir..!”
In the car were their Landlady’s two
daughters, his wife’s best friend’s daughter,
his secretary’s son and their neighbours
two sons.
The Wife in full anger…
Don’t tell me all these are your children..??
The man asked her calmly…
First you tell me why our children are not in
the car..??

When I was in school, I used to ask a lot of questions….!!
One Day I asked Ms. Doris, our English teacher:”
Why do.we ignore some letters in pronunciation. eg the letter….’H’…….in Hour, Honest, Honor….. e.t.c………???”

Ms. Doris: “We are not ignoring them; they are considered silent.” …!!
(I was even more confused…..??

During the lunch break, MS. Doris gave me her packed
lunch & asked me to heat it in the cafeteria.

I ate all the food and returned her an empty container….!!

Ms. Doris:—- “What happened, I told you to go and HEAT my food & you are returning me an empty container??”

Me: — “.Madam I thought ‘H’ was silent”

ATMs should have timers! When your time is up, it should swallow your card and spray tear gas at you…
Honesty, we are tired of people who play candy crush at the ATM mxm

South Africa is not going forward because we
still have people who smell their armpits to
decide if they will bath or not.

Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,”I’m another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, “Happy birthday, dear. ” All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn’t say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, “Oh well,she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they will sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and have a nice gift for me. ” There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen,yelling, “Give me a slice of toast! I’m late! Where is my coat? I’m going to miss the bus! ” Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile and a cheerful “Happy birthday, boss. ” She then asked if she could get me some coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better. Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, “Since it’s your birthday, why don’t we have lunch together? ” Thinking it would make me feel better, I said, “That’s a good idea. ” So we locked up the office, and since it was my birthday, I said, “Why don’t we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place? ” So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and an ice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, “Why don’t we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini. ” It sounded like a good idea, since we didn’t have much to do in the office. So we went to her apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, “If you will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable,” and she left the room. In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.”

Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife
when he goes to work,
why don’t you do that?
Husband: How can I ?
I don’t even know her.