This 1 got me laughing.
Three pastors met & agreed to
sincerely tell each other their
problems which must be kept a
secret between the three of them.
The first pastor said; my problem
is money l do steal even from the
church offering. Please pray for
me. The second pastor; mine is
women. Whenever l see any woman
my desire will be to go to bed with
her, infact l have slept with most
of the church (female) members.
Turning to the third pastor to hear
his problem he started crying (it
took his friends some effort to
calm him). When they asked him
to continue, he was still crying, he
said my problem is gossiping,
when we leave this place everybody
will hear all what the two of you
have just told me. Please pray for
me! The two pastors fainted. Don’t
spoil the fun, pass it on to make
people laugh.

A woman went shopping. At the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay.

The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He could not control his curiosity and asked,

“Do you always carry your TV remote with you?😕”

She replied ” No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because of football match, so I took the remote.”

*Moral: Accompany and support your wife in her hobbies…..*🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍

The story continues….😏

The cashier laughed and then returned all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asked the cashier what he was doing.

He said, “your husband has blocked your credit card……….”😲😲😲😲😲😲

*MORAL: Always respect the hobbies of your husband.*😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

Story continues….

Wife took out her husband’s credit card from purse and swiped it. Unfortunately he didn’t block his own card.

*Moral: Don’t underestimate the power and wisdom of your WIFE..*

Story continues…

After swiping, the machine indicated, ‘ENTER THE PIN SENT TO YOUR MOBILE PHONE’…….

*Moral: When a man tends to lose, the machine is smart enough to save him!*

Story continues….

She smiled to herself and reached out for the mobile which rang in her purse.

It was her husband’s phone showing the forwarded SMS.

She had taken it with the remote control so he doesn’t call her during her shopping.

She bought her items and returned home happily.

*Moral: Don’t underestimate a desperate woman!*😷😷😷😷😷

Story continues….

On getting home, his car was gone.😈😈😈😈😈

A note was pasted on the door

“Couldn’t find the remote. Gone out with the boys to watch the premiership match. Will be home late. Call me on my phone if you need something”.😇😇😇😇

Damn!!… He left with the house key too.

😂😂😂😂

*Moral: Don’t try to control your husband.
You will always lose

WHICH OF THIS SENTENCE DO YOU LIKE
HEARIN IN SECONDARY SCHOOL ABOUT YOUR
MATHS TEACHER.
1.Maths Teacher Is Not In School
2.Maths Teacher Will Not Be Coming To
School Throughout This Week.
3.Math Teacher Is Sick
4.Maths Teacher Is Dead.
5.Maths Teacher Has Been Fired.

Dear ladies. As soon as you break up with
your boyfriend. Please alert the guy that
showed interest in you while you were
dating
Let’s keep queue moving
Thank you

Being known by her family is not enough for me…
I want my nudes in her Mother’s phone.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteers be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit any porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,but the wrod as a wlohe. Lkie if u can raed tihs

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him in peace
4. Don’t check his phone (Msgs)
5. Don’t bother him with his movements
6. Clean the house
7. Wash his cloth

So what’s so hard about that?

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:

It’s really not too difficult but… To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly
45. go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. not stress her out
48. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

49. give her lots of attention
50. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
51. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

52. Should learn not to ask for change when u give money for shopping. Whatever u give out becomes rightly hers no matter how big the note is.
………
TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY IS A SERIOUS BUSINESS OO 😄😀😃😜🌹 Send this to everyone on your list. Make a happy home. Wishing you all a HAPPY FAMILY.

When electricity goes off, Only a Black
person will look outside to make sure the
neighbors are also in the dark

A Preacher finished the service one morning
by saying, ‘Next Sunday, I am going to
preach on the subject of liars.
As a preparation for my sermon, I would like
you all to read Mark Chapter 17.’
On the following Sunday, the preacher rose
to begin. Looking out at the congregation
he said, ‘Last week I asked you all to read
Mark Chapter 17. If you have read the
chapter, please raise your hand.’ Nearly
every hand in the congregation went up.
Smiling, the preacher said, ‘You are the very
people I want to talk to today.. the liars …….
Mark has only 16 chapters.’
God have Mercy.

She be busy swagging that she is 25 years
old without a baby but her body says
she has grandchildren.

An old farmer wrote a letter to his son in
prison: “Son, this year I will not plant
cassava
and yam because I can’t dig the field, I know
if you were here you would have helped
me”.
.
The son replied his father: “Dad don’t even
think of digging the field because that’s
where I buried the money I stole”.
.
The POLICE OFFICERS on reading this letter
went early in the morning and dug the
whole field in search of the money but
nothing was found.
.
The next day the son wrote his father again:
“Dad you can now plant your cassava and
yam this is the best I can do from here.”
.
Dad replied: “Hahaaa my son, you are too
powerful indeed, even in prison you still
command police men to work for me. I was
so surprised to see the IGP and his team
holding hoes and shovels, digging my farm.
I will write to you when I want to
harvest.”

A girl invited her boyfrend Nya
over for dinner in her house so he
could meet her parents.
While they were eating,
it started raining heavily,
so the girl’s mother said;
“Nyaa, I think you should sleep
over here because the rain
shows no sign of stopping anytime soon”.
After eating, the mom went to
the toilet and the father went
to sleep while the girl went to
the kitchen to clean the plates.
When the girl and her mother
returned to the sitting room,
Nyaa was not there, they checked
all over the house and did not find him.
As they were wondering what
happened to him, he walked back
into the house, really soaked in rain and
with a plastic bag.
Girl’s mother: Where were you and why are
you so wet?
Nyaa: I went home to get my pyjamas
maa’m.

A man can work for 5yrs and live happily
with his unemployed wife, But let a lady
work for 5dys with her husband
unemployed. The whole community will get
to know about the good for nothing man.

Every time she goes out at night to drink🍻 with her friends💃👭, she comes back early around 3am🌃 in the morning, she knocks🚪 in the window because she lost her key and when I open the curtains⏳ to see who it is ,It’s her, she makes funny ugly😉 faces, when I open the door she walks🚶‍♀️ In like a model 💃(Cat walking) convincing me she’s not drunk🥂 but she keeps falling😑, she sends me to go out and look for her other shoe👠 “stuck in a mud ” she says. I come back she locked me out👏, she continue to make funny😬 faces through the window. She forgets we hid the spare key outside under the rock😛, 🙈👅I open the door she runs🏃‍♀️💃 and hide herself from me, she puts a bucket on her head and cover her eyes with her hands, I Ignore her and go sleep🛌. She so drunk she starts singing random songs,🌴 starts jumping on the bed🛏 like a kid, pulls me by ears 👂 and rides my back like a horse ,while I’m trying to sleep ,runs to the toilet to vomit🚽 ,I have to wakeup And Check on her ,Hold Her Hair As She Vomits😛 , make sure she’s okay😑 , She Goes To The Kitchen ,breaks Glasses🍷 I get There Shes Eating eating everything in the fridge🍎🍓🍉🍨🍢🍲🍞🍜🍤🍛🍗 shes wearing the clothes 👕👔👖She Ironed For me for work ,Takes Out her phone takes selfies🤳 I have to pick up the glasses and sweep the floor ,prepare my clothes👖👕👔 for work and hers👗 too if shes going ,when I’m done ,Im noticing shes been quiet for a while now ,I go and check her out ,I get there shes sleeping🛌 I have to pick her up and put her in bed ,I go out to switch off lights 💡 I come back She has wetened💦 the bed, now I have put her on the Couch put a blanket wrap her feet and tuck it to her and i’ll take the floor I close my eyes to sleep I hear the boom sound ,its her she fell😑 off the couch , Now We both sleeping on the floor ,she’s farting so bad I cant sleep ,I yawn as I close my eyes 📢”Trrrr trrr⏰” the alarm goes off its 6:30am I better get ready for work 😔 And You know What I Don’t Mind Cause I Love My Babe, She is my only Queen

When you’re home alone and you keep hearing foot prints !!!

School Trip…
.
Whites: Apple, Juice & R100
.
Blacks: Full Chicken, Sandwich, Fridge, Stove,
Geyser, Mogodu, Half skop, Achar & R200