Me: unlock your phone😏🙄🙄🙄

Her: Babie so are we going to breakup like this😓😓😓

Thats when you will know that ubufebe is real

Some sins cant be forgiven!!!! I mean how can you use church wi-fi to download porn….

The thunder☇☇☇☇ that is gonna strike you….is still doing its press ups

Sometimes I ask myself who taught black
people the habbit of slapping a remote when
it’s not working

Girls have this tendency of slapping guys when
they are mad Never try that white movie thing on
me I will hospitalize you

hat awkward moment when you miss 🍆💧🍑 so much. 😂 😂 😂
.
You even feel jealous when you put a key inside a lock. 💖

Money doesn’t change People,
It Unlocks the character that was jailed by poverty..

Have you noticed that people who are blind cannot see…!?

Sometimes it’s his ‘Car’
that keeps the relationship going…

I miss those girls that used to cry after breakups.
Girls nowadays just replace you with contestant number two.

Tall girls only date short guys just to
use their T-shirt as crop tops

Nothing raises a man’s blood pressure than
a side chick refusing to take morning after pills

Yellow bones behave as if they were
there when God said let there be
light…😕!?

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” ☺

Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’ 😠

The teacher responded by saying: ‘That would be rude and impolite’

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’
Sherman said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’ 😶

‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 😏

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 😠

Johnny said: ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.’ 😳😳

The teacher fainted..

THIS WOMAN…
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,
“Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?”
“Yes, I know,” said the lady.
“I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat.”
“But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man
and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!”

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he’s driving a car. The nurse asks him, “Matome, what are you doing?” Matome replied, “Driving to Durban!” The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Matome’s room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, “Well Matome,how are you doing?” Matome says, “I just arrived in Durban” “Great,” replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Matome’s room and goes across the hall into Jwanese room, and finds Jwanese sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, “Jwanese, what are you doing?!” Jwanese says, “I’m screwing Matome’s wife while he’s in Durban

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra.He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in North Cowra. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule’.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”
The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very
slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”
(I love this part)
The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”
MORAL:
When you are educated, you’ll believe only half of what you hear.
When you’re intelligent, you’ll know which half