13 Year old girls be like “I need a man who….”
Lol😂😂😂 No No No, Baby girl, the only man in your life should be
SpongeBob SquarePants now go finish your Homework.

Grade 1 : I wanna be a Doctor
Grade 7 : I wanna be a Pilot
After grade 12 : Please download my tracks guys support local artists

Her : Unlock Ur Phone
Me : So U Want Us To Break Up Just Like That

The day i decided to quit Instagram was the day
I realised this app is for people who bath everyday

I didn’t have a problem with foreigners until
they started selling fake and expired foods😏
I really wanna know why they risking
our lives with poisonous foods.

I dont mean to brag but my bank says
I have ‘an outstanding balance’!

Who is more stupid?
1. A Ugandan man who waves at
A
newscaster while watchin tv,
2. A Nigerian nurse who wakes
up a
sleepin patient to give him sleepin
pills bcos she 4got to give him
3. A Kenyan man who goes to a
bank with a spanner to open an
account,
4. A Southafrican man who puts a
radio in a freezer to listen to cool
music,
5. A Tanzanian man who lowers
de
volume of a radio to read a text
message,
6. A Zimbabwe man who puts
perfume on his body to snap a
picture.

*Have u ever been so broke and then yo girlfriend visits. U decide to buy her a drink…. U go 2 the shop with two bottles, buy one Fanta and fill the sprite bottle with water so that u may keep her company as she enjoys yo last coin. And when u get back to the house she says “Baby serve me sprite its my favorite” 😳🙆🏽‍♂. My brother u will feel the symptoms of ebola

A pilot was told to transfer mad people from Naija to U. S. A . he agreed and carried dem in his plane.
Every place was so noisy.
Later one of the mad men approached the pilot and said; “pls can u teach me how to fly the aeroplane”?”
The pilot replied, “I will teach you how to fly if you will tell your friends to stop making noise.” (knowing that he can’t do it).
The mad man went in, after some minutes, every where was silent as if an angel entered the plane.
After some minutes the mad man came back and told the pilot that everywhere was cool now.
The pilot became happy and asked; “What did you do to them that made them to keep calm?”
The mad man replied, “I opened the door for them to go and play outside.”

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their
bed.
She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front
of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as she steps into the room, “Why
are you down here at this time of night?”
The husband looks up from his coffee,”I am just remembering when we
first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember
back then?” he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so
sensitive.
“Yes, I do.” she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember!” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues,“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my
face and said,’Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jailfor 20 years?”
“I remember that too.” she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says,”I would have been released today.”

A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: “Is there a problem, Officer?”
Officer: “Ma’am, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?”
Older Woman: “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
Officer: “Don’t have one?”
Older Woman: “Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.”
Officer: “I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.”
Older Woman: “I can’t do that. I stole this car, and I killed and hacked up the owner.”
Officer: “You what?”
Older Woman: “His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see”
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: “Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of “her vehicle.
Older woman: “Is there a problem sir?”
Officer 2: “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”
Older Woman: “Murdered the owner?”
Officer 2: “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.”
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: “Is this your car, ma’am?”
Older Woman: “Yes, here are the registration papers.”
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: “Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.”
Older Woman: “Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.”
Moral of the story? Don’t Mess With Mature Ladies!!!

A serial killer broke into a house and confronted a couple. The serial killer asks “what are your names? i would like to know my victims’ names before i kill them”. Then the woman said “my name is Elizabeth”. Then the
killer said, “i will not kill you because my mother is Elizabeth. The killer then turned to the terified man and said “HEY YOU!!, what is your name?” Then the man responded,
“i am Bob but my friends call me Elizabeth.”

A real girlfriend kneels down when
answering her boyfriend’s call

Only black parents will :
1. Beat you for going a long time without being beaten
2. Crying after being beaten
3.Not crying after being beaten
4.Looking at visitors while they eat.
5. Sleeping while visitors are already woke up
6.Fighting with your peers & losing
7.Fighting with your peers & winning
8.Walking aimlessly where the visitors are seated
9.Talking back when asked a question
10. Not talking back when asked a question
Black parents have some cruel & unusual punishment techniques

When a girl doesn’t like you,
Guy : can I see you next week Friday?
Girl : no, I will be having headaches that day

IRRITATING & BORING FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES
2. Am back pals! (So ?)
3. Am sick! (Go to the hospital!)
4. My heart is broken, I will never love again (hahahaha who is a heart surgeon or mechanic)
5. Am quitting facebook! (See u out! Do yu know how many people are on facebook? I wont miss abit)
6. Facebook is boring! (hehe cheer it up because ityu boring!)
7. Any lady /guy online? Hitma inbox for a sexchat? (Stupid pervert! This is not a fuckbook)
8. Am back! Did u miss me?(I didn’t even notice yu hadgone… Duh!)
9. Bulawayo, Jhb, China, Zim, here I come. (Hey?? Are you a Crusade?)
10. I love my man…… (Tel him inbox, not us)
11. ADD MORE..