Have a small wedding, invite 20 people.
Afterwards, apologize to everyone for not inviting them. They won’t die.

I want to start a TV show that helps people to get their Jersey back from their Ex…

Does Anyone Actually Know What You’re Suppose To Do
When People Are Singing Happy Birthday To You

Tomorrow I’ll be hosting a party at home,
it’s only for cute people, if you are ugly please don’t come
Even my self I won’t be there

Facebook is for posting jokes , so if you post your relationship,
your relationship is a joke..

Every girl is beautiful, but sometimes it takes the right amount of
alcohol to see the beauty of some.😂😂🤣

SA is so corrupt you even need connections to get into a relationship

Eg: “WHO gave YOU MY NUMBER”?

I know yesterday I was drunk but
why today I woke up with so many CVs from people &
I don’t even work. I don’t know what promises I made.

When it comes to food some girls forget
that they are females

Her : Bbe Can I Saw You Today?
.
Me : It’s either you leave me or you leave English

Handsome men are not funny but Those Ugly ones will make u laugh,
untill u laugh urself into a relationship

First year University of Venda medical students were attending their 1st Anatomy Class. They all gathered around the table and there was a real dead body on the table.
Professor Rainbow started the class by telling them two important qualities of a DOCTOR. He said, “The 1st is that never be DISGUSTED about anything in the body.” For example, he inserted his FINGER in the dead body’s ANUS & put the finger in his own mouth & TASTED it.
Then he told the students to do what he did. The students hesitated for several minutes, but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in the body’s ANUS & tasted it. When everyone finished tasting their fingers, they were all Frowning…
Then professor Rainbow looked at them & said: “The most important 2nd Quality is “Observation”. I inserted my MIDDLE finger but tasted the 2nd finger… Now learn to pay attention!!
“ALL the students fainted!!

NAKED TRUTH
*Strange things we do in Africa in the name of “It’s Our Culture*
*1. We care more for the dead than we do for the living!*
*2. We spend more to bury a person than we do to save his/her life.*
*3. We will not travel to go see a sick relative but will travel to bury him/her*
*4. People will rarely respect you while alive but will want to “pay their last respects” to your casket.*
*5. A person may NEVER receive roses in
his/her entire life but he/she will get lots dumped on his/her coffin and graveyard!*
*6. We will spend a night at a neighbour’s funeral and it will be our first time to see the inside of his/her house!*
*7. No one gives a damn to know your village until you die and they will all fill cars after cars to “escort” your corpse*
*8. We will take the dead to the mosque/temple/
church knowing full well that he or she had nothing to do with worship while alive.*
*9. We might not have granite tops in our kitchens but use the granite in the graveyard!*
*10. An entire village might not have a single house with cement floor but the only place with cement floor will be the tomb of a late illustrious son or daughter!*
*We need “Cultural Reforms”. We have a culture of “hypocrisy”
… a culture that is “Pro-death” and NOT “Pro-life!”*
*We need to value life BEFORE death.*
Please love me while I am alive. Show me your kindness now that I need it. Your presence at my funeral will never make up for your absence when I have the greatest need of you. Do it now than regret later.
*This got me thinking

Yesterday I got a job at the army should
I start shooting people or is it still early

You can take a river to the donkey
but you will never force the river to drink the donkey

pastor got out of his car and was slapped by an unknown man for no reason.
Everyone around was wondering what the pastor was going to do.
He moved three steps back and gave the man a serious slap…serious heart breaking slap.
A lady nearby even felt the impact of the slap in her face and asked the pastor, ‘Why didn’t u forgive?’.He said , ” there’s more blessing in giving than receiving”.