Mara I have never seen a groom or a bride..
Going to the toilet during their wedding day ,
,are they wearing pampers

A couple was found dead yesterday in Rustenburg,😭 it is said the cause of death is sugar diabetic, this sickness is cause because of calling each other my sweetheart💁‍♂️, my chocolate🙄, my honey😕 , my sweetcake🤨, my lovecandy😐 and my lollipop😏, so 2save our lives😊 n partners lets start calling each other by healthy foods😎 , lyk my spinach, my carrot, my cabbage, my veggies vegg, my mopani wormy😍, etc.. Plz send this 2 all ur frnds as a warning😪

I’ve always wondered why women are always slapping their heads….

….but now I remember we used to do the same to old TVs
when they were not getting proper network signal….

There’s always that one☝family member who always views your status
and tell the whole family..!

When you’ve put your friends on speaker and you tell them
you with Your Bae and they ask WHICH ONE??

Some of the relationships are just lessons
don’t take them serious..!

“I miss you”, “I miss you
too”, “I wish I was with you”
national anthem of long
distance relationship..!

If ur wife cheats on you..my brother dont beat her,never sent her packing,dont argue with her… just make a big portrait photo of the guy she cheated with…and put it in ur living room,so that everytime visitors ask who the guy is::: you tell your wife to explain to them

Today’s kids are so spoilt that they don’t know that in our days you could be beaten for any of the following reasons:
1. Crying after being beaten.
2. Not crying after being beaten
3. Crying without being beaten
4. Standing while the elders are seated
5. Sitting while the elders stand
6. Walking around aimlessly where the elders are seated.
7. Replying back to an elder
8. Not replying back to an elder
9. Spending too much time without being beaten.
10. Singing after being admonished
11. Not greeting visitors
12. Eating food prepared for the visitors.
13. Crying to go with the visitors when the visitors are leaving.
14. Refusing to eat.
15. Coming back home after sunset
16. Eating at the neighbour’s home
17. Generally being moody.
18. Generally being too excited.
19. Fighting with your age mate and losing.
20. Fighting with your age mate and winning.
21. Eating too slowly
22. Eating too quickly
23. Eating too much
24. Sleeping while the elders had already woken up
25. Looking at the visitors while they are eating
26.Stumbling and falling when walking…

That awkward feeling when you realize
you’re chewing a borrowed pen..!

Women also need to individually look and ask themselves if
they would stay if they dated themselves..!

Huawei is like that girl you used to say she’s ugly in High school
then after Grade 12 she’s showing everyone flames.!

SCHOOL RULES WHEN I AM A PRINCIPAL!!!
.
.1..female students should wear mini-skirts only
.
.2..lunch time takes 3hrs while each lesson takes
only 20 mins..
.
.3..If u wanna get high there’s a room for
smokers
.
.4..Wednesdays nd fridays its party time no
lessons..
.
.5..if u ar a quiet person “sorry!get the out
of my school..
.
.6..During examinations all students will be
provided with text books
.
.7..All students are free to bring their laptops nd
phones bcoz free Wi-Fi will be provided.
.
.8..If u insult a teacher ur punishment is to play
FIFA with the principal..
.
.9..At lunchtime students eat every kind of foods u want the school will provide…
.
. WILL YOU JOIN MY SCHOOL??

So I was in a taxi and there’s muscular,
weird looking guy in the back. His
phone rings and he answers, “Sure thing
boss, I’m in a taxi with him and I’ll
shoot him when he gets off “.
.
As I am talking to you right now,
everyone refused to get off the taxi,
we’re now at the Taxi driver’s gate

The 5 Second Dance Of Your Thumb
When You Don’t Know How To Reply

Wedding in America :
Invited: 100
Present at church :80
Present at reception :70
Gifts:67
Missing object: 0
Wedding in London :
Invited:100
Present at church: 90
Present at reception :85
Gifts:78
Missing object:0
Wedding in South Africa :
Invited:500
Present at church:21
Present at reception:1,505
Gifts:18
Envelops: 25
delivered dishes:1099
Missing items:20 phones, 300spoons, 10 cake knives, 1 photographer camera. Missing cans, beer, bottles of wines and whisky, kidnapping of 2 of the guests, girlfriend missing gone with other guest, boyfriend looking for his girlfriend, girlfriend looking for her boyfriend. Remaining gifts missing, fighting outside, 50chairs broken, 5tables broken, 3decoration curtains missing
Complete d rest