If You Have A Happy Relationship,
Then You Are Obviously Dating The Wrong Person

I Don’t Help People Push Their Stuck Cars Anymore…
What if You Are Pushing a Car That’s On its Way To Fetch Your Girlfriend?🙆

This December I Wanna Drink Until
They Call a Family Meeting On Me

Money Doesn’t Change People,
it Only Unlocks Characters That Were Jailed By Poverty.

Vacancy

Salary: R18,000 per week with free accommodation, meal’s & company car.

Limpopo game park need’s someone to bath Lion’s, take care of the tiger’s, play with crocodiles & feed the snake’s…
No qualification & experience required, just your medical aid card & funeral policy. If interested forward your CV to jointy@limpopo.gov.za. If you are not, don’t be jealous, forward to others.
& please don’t ask what happened to the previous worker… May he’s soul RIP

Can someone take me to Campus Crush I just wanna reject you in public please.

DON’T VISIT VERY RICH RELATIVES OR FRIENDS

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked.*
MAID: What would u like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?
ME: Tea pls.
MAID: Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?
ME: Ceylon Tea pls.
MAID: How do U want it, black or white?
ME: White….
MAID: Milk or fresh cream?
ME: With milk.
MAID: Goat milk or cow milk?
ME: Cow’s milk.
MAID: Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
ME: Uhm, lemme go with d freezeland cow.
MAID: Would U like it with sweetner, sugar or honey?
ME: Sugar.
MAID: Bee sugar or cane sugar?
ME: Cane sugar
MAID: White, brown or yellow sugar?
ME: Aiyo! forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water…
MAID: Mineral, tap or distilled water?
ME: Mineral water.
MAID: Flavored or non flavored?
ME: Infact, get me an empty glass!
MAID: Do you want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug?
ME: Free me, I will swallow my spit…”

If he comes back from work and sits in his car for a while.
Sister, his deleting the messages…
Yes, your rival’s messages..👌

Paul was a tent maker, Peter was a fisherman,
Jesus was a carpenter.
If your pastor has no day job, he’s a thief.

Just saw a white girl twerking.
Thought she was having a seizure

– There Are 5 Types Of Fear : 👇
.
1. Terror
2. Panic
3. We Need To Talk
4. 20 Missed Calls From Mom
5. Username Or Password is incorrect
.
What’s Missing ?

*WE ARE BLACK AND WE DONT CARE WHAT THEY THINK OF US**
.

-We call every toothpaste COLGATE
We don’t care
-We call every cooking oil FISH OIL
We are proud
-We point at an empty chair and ask “Who’s sitting there ”
We are like that
-We call every cold drinks COKE
We don’t care
-We steal your belongings and help you look for them
We are just like that
-We name our dogs TIGER or Spider
We don’t give a f**k
-We promise to stab you with a slap or bare hand
We are sometimes strange
-We eat a fruit an expect to be healthy at the same time
We don’t care
-When electricity goes we go out and,check if it’s the whole street
We are just like that
-We blame atchar for smelling armpits even if we didn’t bath
We are sometimes weird
-We use a bar of soap till it looks like a Sim card
We don’t have a problem
-We buy something,skip instruction&ask neighbors how it’s used
We don’t care
-We withdraw money from an ATM then count it 3x before going
We are cautious
-We lock the car then try to open it 2 times before going
We are like that
-We pay R500 to a sangoma so we can know who stole R50
We are sometimes weird
-We turn off the volume just to smell what’s burning
We are like that
-When we go out we turn on the lights just to confuse thieves
We are smart
-We share beers and cigarettes but we don’t share opportunities
We are sometimes selfish
We are proud to be black and we love ourselves like that

I can’t speak with Indians with red dot 🔴 on their forehead.
I feel like they are recording everything I say

You’ll wonder if some people’s facebook doesn’t have reactions
no matter how funny something is they’ll never react

How come does 60 seconds equal 1 minute
60 minutes equal 1 hour
But 60 hours is not equal to 1 day

*If you hear what people say right before they
pick your call and or immediately they end the call…*
*You would stop the friendship*