once upon a time santa was bathing with head and shoulders and
when banta comes and says why are you applying the shampoo
in shoulders.
he said that idiot it is written as head and shoulders.
Dating a 200m kids
Him: Bbe Can I see u today
Her: Tsi Tsi tsi Jooooohn Ceeeeeena tsi tsi
Him: What that now????
Her: You cant see me!!
Teacher: Do you have a God?
Kid: Yes.
Teacher: If so, can you see Him?
Kid: No.
Teacher: Can you touch Him?
Kid: No.
Teacher: Then you don’t have a God.
Kid: Can I also ask you a question?
Teacher: Yes, sure.
Kid: Do you have a brain?
Teacher: Of course!
Kid: Can you see it?
Teacher: No!
Kid: Can you touch it?
Teacher: Are you an idiot? Of course I can’t.
Kid: Then you don’t have a brain.
Teacher: What!?
Kid: You see teacher. God is like our brain. We cannot see Him, nor touch Him. But we know He’s there.
WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST*
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river’.
When he cried out, the Angel appeared & asked, *”Why are you crying?”*
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water & he needed it to make a living.
The Angel went down into the water & reappeared with a *Golden Axe*. “Is this your axe?” the Angel asked. The woodcutter replied: *”No.”*
The Angel again went down & came up with a *Silver Axe.* “Is this your axe?” the Angel asked. Again, the woodcutter replied: *”No.”*
The Angel went down again & came up with an *Iron Axe*. “Is this your axe?” the Angel asked. The woodcutter replied: *”Yes.”*
The Angel was pleased with the man’s honesty & gave him all 3 Axes to keep, & the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, & his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Angel again appeared & asked him: “Why are you crying?”
*”Oh, my wife has fallen into the water!”*
The Angel went down into the water & came up with *Pamela Anderson*
“Is this your wife?” the Angel asked. *”Yes,”* cried the woodcutter.
The Angel was furious. *”You lied!* That is an untruth!” The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said *’NO’* to *Pamela* , you would have come up with *Angelina Jolie *. Then if I said *’NO’* to her, you would have come up with *MY WIFE*. Had I then said *’YES,’ you would have given me all 3.*
I’m a poor man, & not able to take care of 3 wives, so *THAT’S why I said YES to Pamela .”*
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a *good & honorable reason & for the benefit of others.*
That’s our story, &
we’re sticking to it!
*MEN ARE TRULY HONORABLE!* HAVE A SWEET DAY
There Are Basically 7 Types Of Girls…
1. Hard Disk Girls: Remember Everything Forever.
2. Ram Girls: Forgets About You The Moment You Turn Her Off.
3. Screen Saver Girls: Just For Looking.
4. Internet Girls: Difficult To Access.
5. Server Girls: Always Busy When Needed.
6. Multimedia Girls: Makes Horrible Things Looks Beautiful.
7. Virus Girls: These Type Of Girls Are Normally Called Wife
Once Enters In Your System Don’t Leave Even After Format.
5 perfect ways for a lady to be completely happy in life…
1. Be with a man who make you laugh always😁
2. Be with a man who give you his time🕟 and attention💑
3. Be with a man who take care of you always💅💆💇
4. Be with a man who really love you unconditionally👫 and the way you are😍😘
5. Make sure that all these 4 men (idiots) dont know each other!!!!!
Ladies try it and you will thank me later
A girl started noticing a guy who stands in front of her home everyday in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her. It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage. But wanted her to make the first move. The next day , she went to him and said, Hi. I’m Jada. He said, Hi. I’m Smith. Hearing this, the girl was very happy as the names were matching like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett. The girl went on and said, I really appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it. I think i really like you too and would love it if we get married. The guy smiled and said, Forgive me sister! Actually your home’s WIFI doesn’t have a password. So, i come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my girlfriend!
If you didn’t smoke🚬 WEED🌿 before it was Legalised,
Please don’t start now because you weren’t there when we fought for freedom😏
Joburg police arrested a bloke printing fake notes. Rands, Dollars & Naira. And guess what? The Zim Bond Note
After taking photos, the photographer says to the school headmaster “these will cost $250”
*headmaster to teachers: “tell the pupils to bring $2 each for the photos”
*teachers to pupils: “tell yo parents that we want $5 for the photos”
*pupils to parents: “mummy,the teacher said
we shud take $10 for the school photos”
*mother to husband: “honey, these money hungry schools. ..imagine junior’s teacher told him to take $30 for the school photo”
.
.
.
And u think corruption will end???
A woman goes to Spain to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”
The husband laughs and says: “A Spanish girl!”
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks:
“So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good, thank you.”
“And, what happened to my present?”
“Which present?” She asked.
“The one I asked for – a Spanish girl!!”
“Oh, that,” she said “Well, I did what I could; now we’ll have to wait for a few months to see if it is a boy or a girl!”
Most girls don’t cry after break up these days,
they behave like cashiers in the bank….
next customer please.
An airline introduced a special package for businessmen. Buy your ticket; get your wife’s ticket free. After a great success, the airline sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply, “WHICH TRIP?”
Qualities that a woman looks for in a man
(1)brave
(2)intelligent
(3)gentle
(4)polite
(5)emotional
(6)nice
(7)innovative
(8)successful…….
put all de first letters together and send me what you got…..
The reason why I want to get married is
that I want someone who can switch off
lights when I sleep.
U CANNOT give a woman everything she needs.
If God Himself gave them eyebrows,
they shave it and draw their own.
God gave them nails,
they cut it off and fixed their own,
God gave them* *hair,
they cut it off and fixed their own,
He gave them breast,
they repackage it to the size and shape they want.
God gave the lips,
every morning they paint it with different colours of lip stick.
*If even God can’t satisfy them then who are U to think that you can please them ? 😂😂. My brother don’t kill yourself
