संता एक ज्योतिषी के पास अपनी ‘कुंडली दिखानेगया
।ज्योतिषी:- ‘तेरा नाम संता सिंह है?.
संता खुश होकर:- ‘जी महाराज।.
ज्योतिषी:- ‘प्रीतो तेरी बीवी है?.
संता:- ‘जी जी महाराज।.
ज्योतिषी:- ‘तुझे दो लडकियां और लड़का है?.
संता:- ‘जी हाँ महाराज।.
ज्योतिषी:- ‘तूने अभी दस किलो चावल खरीदें है?.
संता (ज्योतिषी के पैर छूते हुए):- ‘महाराज तुस्सी तो अन्तर्यामी हो।
ज्योतिषी (गुस्से से बोले)- ‘अगली बार आये तो ‘कुंडली लाना ‘राशन-कार्ड नही।
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पप्पूअपनी गर्ल-फ्रेंड के साथ घूमने गया।
लौटकर आया तो पिताजी ने पूछा- कितने रुपए उड़ा आए?
पप्पू- ढाई सौ
यह सुनकर पिताजी नाराज होकर गालियां देने लगे
पप्पू- और क्या करता बापू
.
.
.
उसके पास इतने ही थे
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ਮਿਲਦਾ ਉਹੀ ਜੋ ਵਿੱਚ ਨਸੀਬਾ
ਥਾਂ ਥਾਂ ਹੱਥ ਵਖਾਈਏ ਨਾ..
ਕਿਸੇ ਦੇ ਟਿੱਡ ਤੇ ਲੱਤ ਮਾਰ ਕੇ ..
ਕਦੇ ਆਪਣੇ ਟਿੱਡ ਵਿੱਚ ਪਾਈਏ ਨਾ
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ਗੱਲਤ ਦਿਸ਼ਾਂਵਾਂ ਵਿਚ ਵੱਧ ਰਹੀ ਭੀੜ ਦਾ
ਹਿੱਸਾ ਬਣਨ ਨਾਲੋਂ ਚੰਗਾ ਹੈ ਇਕੱਲੇ ਚੱਲਣਾ.
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एक आदमी नाइ की दुकान पर जाकर पूछता हँ भाई कटिंग करवानी हँ कितनी देर में नम्बर आएगा?
नाइ बेठे हुए ग्राहकों की और देखकर कहता हँ करीब एक घण्टा लगेगा!
सुनकर वो आदमी चला जाता हँ!
अगले दिन फिर आता हँ और वहीँ पूछता हँ कितनी देर लगेगी?नाइ कहता हँ की बस पौना घण्टा लगेगा!
फिर वो आदमी वापस चला जाता हँ और लौटकर भी नही आता हँ!
इस प्रकार वो आदमी रोजाना आकर पूछकर ही चला जाता हँ कभी कटिंग करवाने नही आता हँ!
एक दिन नाइ अपने नोकर को कहता हँ की इसके पीछे जा कर मालूम कर ये आखिर जाता कहा हँ?
नाइ का नोकर आकर बताता हँ की सेठ जी वो आदमी सीधा आपके घर में जाता हँ”!
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लड़की : आज भैया ने मुझे तुम्हारे साथ बाइक पर देख लिया। .😞
लड़का : ओ तेरे की …😷😥😟
फिर क्या हुआ ?
.😟😟
.
लड़की : फिर क्या…😊😃
रिक्शे के पैसे वापस ले लिए। बहुत सख्त फैमिली है हमारी
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पप्पू बार-बार अपने फेसबुक अकाउंट का पासवर्ड भूल जाता था।
उसने सोचा कि अब उसे कोई ऐसा पासवर्ड रखना चाहिए, जो वह कभी न भूले।
उसने नया पासवर्ड रखा- इनकरेक्ट।
अब जब भी वह गलत पासवर्ड डालता है, तो कंप्यूटर उसे खुद याद दिला देता है- यॉर पासवर्ड इज इनकरेक्ट।
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दारु पीते हुए 3 दोस्त:
पहला दोस्त: भाई बुलेट से लद्दाख चलेंगे।
दूसरा दोस्त: हाँ भाई बिल्कुल चलेंगें।
तीसरा दोस्त: यार, पर अपने पास तो साइकिल भी नहीं है।
पहले दोनों दोस्त: कमीने हमें पता था, तू दारु पी ही नहीं रहा, सिर्फ नमकीन खा रहा है।
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ससुर:मेरी बेटी का ख्याल रखना , इसकी
आँखों में आंसू ना आने
पाये
.
.
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दामाद:- ठीक है प्याज मैं काट दूंगा पर
बर्तन इसे ही धोने होंगे ।
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बाप ने बेटे की तलाशी ली,
सिगरेट, बियर और लड़कियों के नंबर निकले।
बाप ने बहुत मारा,
पूछा कब से चल रहा है ये सब।
बेटा- पापा ये जैकेट तो आपकी है
🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓
😜😂😜😂😜😂😜😂😜😂
लड़की : मैं अपने पापा की परी हूँ
लड़का : मैं भी अपने पापा का पारा हूँ
लड़की : पारा ?……ये क्या है
लड़का :- मुझे देखते ही उनका पारा चढ़ जाता है
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A man was asked to paint a boat.
He brought with him paint and brushes and began to paint the boat a bright red, as the owner asked him.
While painting, he noticed that there was a small hole in the hull, and quietly repaired it.
When finished painting, he received his money and left.
The next day, the owner of the boat came to the painter and presented him with a nice cheque, much higher than the payment for painting.
The painter was surprised and said “You’ve already paid me for painting the boat Sir!”
“But this is not for the paint job. It’s for having repaired the hole in the boat.”
“Ah! But it was such a small service… certainly it’s not worth paying me such a high amount for something so insignificant.”
“My dear friend, you do not understand. Let me tell you what happened.
When I asked you to paint the boat, I forgot to mention about the hole.
When the boat dried, my kids took the boat and went on a fishing trip.
They did not know that there was a hole. I was not at home at that time.
When I returned and noticed they had taken the boat, I was desperate because I remembered that the boat had a hole.
Imagine my relief and joy when I saw them returning from fishing.
Then, I examined the boat and found that you had repaired the hole! You see, now, what you did? You saved the life of my children! I do not have enough money to pay your ‘small’ good deed.”
_So, no matter who, when or how. Just continue to help, sustain, wipe tears, listen attentively and carefully repair all the ‘leaks’ you find, because you never know when one is in need of us or when God holds a pleasant surprise for us to be helpful and important to someone_.
_You may have repaired numerous ‘boat holes’ along the way… of several people without realizing how many lives you’ve saved_.
*✨So Keep up Good
work …✨💐*
🙏😁 I want to thank Everyone who Repaired my boat this year in every way like Good Wishes, thoughts, love, care & prayers.
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Teacher :”kids tell me what your
parents do for a living”
Panado :”my mom is a teacher and my
dad is a mechanic”
Teacher: “good”
Nonto:”my mom is unemployed and my dad is a teacher”
Teacher :”good”
Nyaa: “my mom is a prostitute
and i don’t know my dad”
Teacher : “get out of my class and go to
principal’s office,and tell him what you just told me”
10 minutes later Nyaa returns smiling
and eating an apple
Teacher: “why are you smiling?did you
tell the principal what you told me?”
Nyaa: “yes I did”
Teacher : “what did he say?”
Nyaa: “he just gave me an apple and
asked me to give him my mom’s
phone number and address”.
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Boss said to secretary “I want to
have sex with you just once, I’ll be
quick. I’ll pay you R1,000. I’ll
throw the money on the floor
and before you bend down to
pick it, I’ll be done. She calls and
tells her boyfriend. “Its okay but
ask for R2000 and be very quick
to pick the money”. After 4 hours
of waiting,the boyfriend calls his
girlfriend “what happened baby??
then The girl replied..”The
bastard used coins; I’m still
picking the money
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*WHAT IS MATURITY?*
I used to think that maturity was about age and
physical development, how wrong I was. I have
since found out that age is only but a number,
below are 20 definitions of *MATURITY*
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1…. *Maturity* is when you accept other people
the way they are and their level of maturity.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
2…. *Maturity* is when you understand that your
ideas are not always the best.
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3…. *Maturity* is when you learn to let go even if
it pains.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
4… *Maturity* is when you are able to drop
expectations from a relationship and give for
giving sake.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
5…. *Maturity* is when you understand whatever
positive thing you do, you do is for your own
peace.
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6… *Maturity* is when you stop proving to the
world how intelligent you are.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
7…. *Maturity* is when you stop comparing
yourself with others because life is not a
competition.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-*
8…. *Maturity* is when you understand that you
cant and shouldn’t always get what you want
every time.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
9…. *Maturity* is when you are content and
satisfied with your life and yet aspiring to be
better everyday..
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
10…. *Maturity* is when someone hurt you and
you understand their attitude and stay clear than
trying to hurt them back.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
11…. *Maturity* is when you start thinking of
other people and not just yourself.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
12…. *Maturity* is when you know you cant
please everyone.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
13…. *Maturity* is when you see things in
different perspective far beyond the way they are.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
14…. *Maturity* is when you love more and judge
less.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
15…. *Maturity* is responsibility
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
16…. *Maturity* is Love
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
17…. *Maturity* is the application of wisdom and
knowledge in humility..
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
18… *Maturity* is when you accept that your
accomplishment, failures, destiny, reputations
and almost everything about your life depends on
God’s will and the choices you make and not
pointing fingers on others.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
19… *Maturity* is when someone hates you and
you still pray for them to succeed.
*+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+*
20…. *Maturity* is knowing God, serving Him with
all that you’ve got and pursuing His Kingdom no
matter what people think or say.
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Teacher fell Asleep in Class and
Nyaa walked up to him,
Nyaa : “Teacher are you sleeping in Class ?”
Teacher : “No I am not Sleeping in Class.
Nyaa: “What were you doing Sir ?
”Teacher : I was talking to God.”
The next day Nyaa fell Asleep in class and the
same teacher walks up to him
Teacher : “Nyaa , You are sleeping in my Class.”
Nyaa : “No not me Sir, I am not Sleeping.”
Angry Teacher : “What were you doing. ??”
Nyaa : “I was talking to God.”
Angry Teacher : “What did he Say ??”
Nyaa : “God said he never spoke to you yesterday.
One word for Nyaa? Dont forget to SHARE
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पार्क के सूचनापट पर एक सुविचार लिखा था…
“पेड़ पर अपनी माशूका का नाम लिखने से बेहतर है उसके नाम पर एक पेड़ लगायें”
…
बात दिल को लग गई…
…गर्लफ्रेंड्स की गिनती की… और आखिर मे 1 बीघा ज़मीन लेकर गन्ना बो डाला।
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