English Funny Status

Nothing beats experience

The farmer decided to change the old cock and bring in a young one that would take care of the many hens.
When the young cock arrived, and upon realising that he would lose his job and maybe end up a dinner, the old cock
approached the young one and said: “Look, I know I’m old and that’s the reason why our owner brought you here.

But can you leave two hens for me?”

“What’s that old cock! I’m going to keep all of them,” said the young one.
“Just two,” insisted the old cock.
“I’ve told you. They’re all mine!” replied the young cock.
“Alright then! Let’s do this,” says the old cock. “We bet on a race around the poultry house. If I win, I’ll keep two
hens. If I lose, all hens are yours.”
The young cock sizes up the old one and thinks that an old and ailing bird cannot win.
“Ok old cock, I agree,” he says.
The old cock looks at him and says: “Since my chances of winning are very small, let me have 5 metres advantage,” he asked.
The young cock does not even think twice about the request and agrees to the old cock’s conditions. The race starts and the young
cock shoots in chase of the old one. The old cock makes a tremendous effort to keep advantage, but is quickly losing ground.
The farmer sees the scene and takes his pellet-gun and shoots at the young cock. After killing him, he turns and says to his wife:
“I don’t understand! This is the fifth gay cock we bought this week. These gay birds have stopped chasing the hens and are now chasing an old
cock, can you believe it?”

*Nothing beats experience*

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English Funny Status

assignment

his is why I don’t like abbreviations.

My neighbour, a sexy lady, texted me :
*i need your dic fo my ass,,,,,*

*me:* I quickly replied “but I don’t have condoms”
*lady:*”what condoms? I said I need your *dictionary for my assignment*.”

Eishhh

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Don’t advertise

Don’t advertise your happiness on social
media.
Don’t advertise your happy marriage On
social media.
Don’t advertise your holidays on social
media.
Don’t advertise your kids achievements
on social media.
Don’t advertise your pregnancy on social
media.
Don’t advertise your expensive buys on
social media. (Car, house etc)
No one is going to be happy for you.
all the “nice” comments you get are just
fake.
you just attracting the evil eye on you &
your family.
you just attracting jealous people into
your life.
you don’t know who’s saving your
pictures & checking your updates.
you really need to Stop this as it is going
to ruin your life, family, marriage.
social media , if not used responsibly , can
be the devils eyes, ears & mouth, don’t fall
into the devils trap.
May God help us & save us from social media
disaster !!!

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i save the child

2 guys were swiming when a pregnant
woman drowned. They rushed 2 save her,
pulled her 2 safety. The 1st guy started
giving her breath by lip locking (mouth to
mouth). The 2nd guy took off the woman’s
pants and put his mouth on her private
parts! 1st man: “R you mad? W.T.F are you
doing?” 2nd guy: “Yeyi, you save the
mother and i save the child”

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my friend is also interested

I mistakenly sent someone R 5000 through
e Wallet…in fact should I say I sent R5000to
a wrong number. After realizing this, I
calmed down and sent him/her this text
message: “Hello Dear, I hope you got the
membership welcome fee of R5000 to our
Satanism Church. We are glad and looking
forward to having you with us. That is just
the beginning of the richest life you are
about to start living. We hope you are as
excited to be joining our church as we are.
As I just said, that is a welcome salary. We
are having a meeting tonight whereby we
will slaughter 3 people in celebration of the
start of this month. Please invite over any
female person you may be close to. Lets
meet tonight at 8pm at YOUR PLACE. If you
haven’t shown any interest in our church
and you believe this is a mistake, kindly send
the money back to this number otherwise
welcome to our Church. See you tonight.” 10
Minutes later, I got a message saying send
another R5000 my friend is also interested’. I
fainted, people are so broke these days.

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Last seen

Me : 15:00 hello baby
Her : last seen 15:01.
Me : 15:03 Love.
Her : Last seen 15:05.
Me : 15:07 baby I miss u,I have a gud news for u..
Her : Last seen 15:08.
Me : 15:.10 I lv u.
Her : Last seen 15:12.
Me : 15:14…86324950021(used airtime).
Her : 15:15.baby is not working.
Me : Last seen 15:16.
Her : 15:16 baby re-send it again I wanna call my mom..u knw it’s her birthday..
Me : Last seen 15:17.
Her : 15:18.Baby the time u were texting I was sleeping and I dreamed about us getting married..
Me : Last seen 15:19.
Her : 15:20Baby talk to me I luv u.ur so special in my Life.
Me : Last seen 15:20.
Her : 15:21 Baby plz double check tht namber plz I lv u.
Me : Last seen 15:21.
Her : 15:22 baby plz talk to me.
Me : Last seen 15:25.
Her : 15:26 baby re send tht airtime i ddn’t mean to hurt u…I lv u so much.
Me : Last seen 15:28

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complete this question”

Do you still remember those awkward
moments in schools during Exams?
1. When a bright student tells the invigilator
that question 4 has a problem, but you have
already answered it…
2. When a fellow student asks for a graph
paper, but you are finished and did not see
anywhere where it was required…
3. When the invigilator says jump question 6
we will rectify it later, but it was the
question you enjoyed most when
answering…
4. When you see people busy using rulers
and you are wondering what is going on…
5. When you hear your friends arguing after
the exam whether the answer to question 5
was 35.5% or 36% and your answer was
-45000
6. When other students r bzy with a
caculator n u asking yoself “r we writing the
same paper
7. When you skip Q2 to Q3 coz you’re
clueless of what is required then Q3 ithi
“Use the answer found in Q2 to complete
this question”

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Papa Penny

WHY ME…..?
My girlfriend visited me last night.
When she went to bathroom to shower, her phone rang, I looked and saw Will Smith calling.,.. I didn’t
say much
After that, another call came in and when I
Checked, it CHRIS BROWN Calling
I was a little bit nervous but I calm.
Within few minutes, another call came in from different person, it
Was JUSTIN BIEBER calling. …
I said to myself, Doe’s it
Mean This Girl is A Celeb
And I don’t know?
As if that was not enough
Another call came in with a saved name as
DRAKE
Something stroke my mind and I decided to dial my number what I saw was Papa Penny calling!

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held at my room

I’m tired looking for jobs I’m looking for a girlfriend now
Any girl drop your CV via Inbox
Place
Age
Contact details
How many exes you have
5 years of cooking experience
Closing date Friday late application will not be rejected will be considered as side girlfriends
Interviews to be held at my room
Come with black skirt not black pen,sex statement and sex number not SARS no.No sexual record not criminal

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