“Bharakwana, Bharakwana!”

*clap, clap, clap*

“Isibhedlel’esikhulu!”

*clap, clap, clap*

“Sasiza uNgidi.”

*clap, clap, clap*

“Ephuk’umlenze.”

*clap, clap, clap*

“Sasidlal’umadl’i-atchar.”

*clap, clap, clap*

“Ngaphansi kombhede.”

*clap, clap, clap*

(Qhubeka)

Esteshini sogesi.
English: Danger
IsiZulu: Ingozi
IsiSwati: Itakubhambabula, buta Sibiya!

Ngizoza, serious-ke this time.”

Kusho lo muntu ombiza ngentombi yakho ekwenza islima okwesi-9.

INDLELA ENTSHA EPHUCUZEKILE YOKUZIPHATHA UMA UKHULUMA NE-PHONE ESIKHATHINI SAMANJE:

1. Okokuqala nje, asisekho isidingo sokuthi uyibize uthi, “cellphone”. Just call it a PHONE, sino-20 years yafika le nto eMzansi and wonke umuntu uyazi usuke ukhuluma ngani.

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2. Laphaya kwi-voice mail yakho asisekho isidingo sokuziqopha ukhulume 90 seconds wonke usitshela ukuthi senzeni, isibonelo nje: “Sawubona, ukhuluma noMdelwa. Ngibhizi njengamanje, ngicela ushiye umlayezo noma igama nesibongo nenombolo yakho yocingo ngizokufonela back, wara wara wara…”
Lalela, sesiyakwazi lokho! Shiya i-voice mail elula ezothatha 5 seconds, “Hello, uMdelwa lo. Uyazi kumele wenzeni. Bye.”

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3. On a dropped call, lona ofonile nguyena okumele afone futhi. Uma senifona nobabili kanye kanye azongena kwi-voice mail amafoni enu bese nithi i-network iyabheda kanti yinina enibhedayo. Futhi ukulinda 5 seconds after a dropped call angeke kunisize ngalutho ngoba nizofonelana kanye kanye iphinde ingene kwi-voice mail ifoni. Bottom line: ofonile nguye okumele afone futhi if a call is dropped.

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4. Uma seniphinde naxhumana futhi, asikho isidingo sokumosha u-two minutes wonke nichazelana ukuthi bekungani kungasafoneki. We get it, 20 years awumncane neze afika amafoni eMzansi. Sesiyazi, vele uhlale odabeni wena ofonile.

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5. Le ndaba ka-“No, you hang up first.” Nomunye athi, “No, you called me. You hang up first!”
Kuzomele iphele leyo nto, ngale kwalokho ningiphe le airtime enidlala ngayo ngoba mina I am budget savvy.

I’ll be back soon nezindlela ezilula zokuvalelisa ocingweni ezingachithi isikhathi.

That’s it from me, ubhuti Admin.

Ufunani kumuntu wami?”

Lo mbuzo muhle impela, kodwa uma uzobuzwa uNkulunkulu

Uswenke kufike abangani bakho bathi: “Weeeh! Awukagqoki? Siyakushiya-ke!”

Uyakwazi ukuzitshwa isesheli esik’shela kamnandi? Lapho udane u-checker u-last seen. Ufise nok’buza: “Angishelwa yini namhlanje?”

Ungene nomuntu wakho kubo kuvele kuhlekwe
naye ahleke athi benginitshelile.

“Sanibonani evrandi!”

Kusho mina ngidlula ekhaya ngoDisemba

Shhh… Ngiyakuhlebela, ungatsheli muntu.

Kuthiwa January ama-Facebook comedians azophunyelwa izimali

Nithi nisajola kamnandi emotweni yakho, kudlule amajita, athi oyedwa: “Ngizitholele noma isikorokorwana esinje kule festive.”

Ningcono nina nanibabi eskoleni, thina sisayibambile namanje.

Asihambe Spoti

UMaMkhize wathosela uGumede iqanda.
–
Gumede: “Ngithanda elibhoyiliwe iqanda.”
–
MaMkhize: “Uxolo Qwabe.”
–
Ngakusasa amenzele iqanda elibhoyiliwe.
–
Gumede: “Ngithanda elithosiwe iqanda mina.”
–
MaMkhize: “Ngiyaxolisa Mnguni.”
–
Ngakusasa uMaMkhize abhoyile elilodwa, athose elilodwa bese enika umyeni wakhe.
–
Gumede: “Bekufanele uthose leli, bese ubhoyila leli.”

Into ebhedayo ngokubhala amahlaya njalo ukuthi kuyothi noma seku-serious ngiboshiwe ngibhale ngithi, “Ngicela usizo, ngiboshiwe eNewcastle police station!”

Bavele bakuphendule bathi, “Kwaaaa! Ave ugula njalo wena, uyithathaphi i-cellphone usejele?”

Uma ngikuboleka imali electronically, ngicela nawe uyibuyise electronically.

Phela nina ave niloya!

Awuthi ngidle uSho Madjozi, ngilale.

Bheka ama-comments.