Bayeka ukunyusa o Coo-ee no-Twizza, bazosukela i-Smirnoff. Nx!

Kazi balala kanjani abantu aba-rich nefriji egcwele ukudla? 🤔 Mina angikwazi nokulala ngenxa ye-Danone esele yodwa qwaba efrijini, ngiyizwa imemeza igama lami.

Ngiyavuma, imizi ayifani, kodwa kwaNtuli bawuthathaphi umshanelo obhalwe ukuthi Grade 9A?

Girls please, aniyeke le nto, iyiscefe. ☝🏽

Alright, kush’ukuthi bengivakashelwe uZinhle lana wakwa-D eMlazi. Ufika nje ngephula uphuthu estofini, ngiqeda nje ukul’pheka. Ngase ngithi ngoba sekufike wena awusale usuqhubeka upheke u-curry, vele bese ngiyisikile i-beef.

Kuthe kusagxabha kanjalo estofini, wasukuma ethi uzwa usawoti ukuthi ukaleke kahle yini. Hawu, ngithi uzozwa ngesobho, uZinhle ndini wadumela iqatha! Maye! 😲 Ngathula nje ngambuka, wabe esethi: “Hhayi, ukaleke kahle .”

Duku duku, wasukuma ethi uzwa ukuthi awakavuthwa yini amazambane, nakhona wabuya neqatha! Kodwa Jesu ungishiyelani! 🙆🏽‍♂️ 😲 Wathi: “Hhayi, akukalungi.”

Uthe esuka lapho waqonda efrijini lami lika-R2700, wakhipha i-apula lami wazolala phezu kombhede wami WALINAPHAZA. 😪 Uyezwa ngithini? Ngithi walinaphaza! Uthe esesukuma wathi: “Hhayi shame, uma ingakathambi le nyama ngeke iphinde.”

Wavula waphinde wadonsa iqatha. 😭 😭 Weeeeee! Ngivele ngaphumela emnyango ngigijima ngafika emva kwendlu ngahlala phansi nganaba, zavele zehla izinyembezi.

Ngimalile, angeke ngiphinde! 😭

Umthande umuntu wakho uze ubhale ngaye kuFacebook, bafike o-Dr Phil bathi it’s honeymoon phase nisazohlukana.

Ninomona!

Udakwe emngcwabeni uze uvule ibhokisi uthi: “Walala wasala, wavuka s’yabaleka!”

1. Ungakujwayeli ukukhansela izinhlelo ngokusebenzisa i-SMS okukanye ama-ama-instant messaging services.
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2. Uma uzithola umile usubuka ama-street performers noma yikuphi, ubophosa phela okuncane (noma u-R2 nje).
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3. Uma utshelwe imfihlo, uyigcine.
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4. Uma ukwazi ukwenza something, akusho ukuthi yenza, zithobe.
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5. Uma uzovakasha, bazise labo ozobavakashela.
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6. Ukuxhawula kungcono kabi kune-autograph.
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7. Uma unabangani abasha, ungakhulumi ngabangani bakho abadala.
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8. Awuzikhetheli igama lesidlaliso (nickname).
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9. Uma ushada umuntu, khumbula ukuthi ushada nomndeni wakhe wonke.
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10. Ungalokothi ubuze umuntu wesifazane ukuthi ngabe ukhulelwe yini.
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11. Ngosuku lwakho lokuzalwa, yiba nesikhathi nomama wakho, okukanye umfonele. Ngusuku lwakhe olukhulu naye.
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12. Uma uvula isipho/izipho, khumbula ukuthi akekho othanda umuntu oqagela ashaye emhlolweni.
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13. Uma usulidlulisile iphuzu obufuna ukulicacisa, yekela ukukhuluma.
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14. Vuma uma usephutheni.
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15. Uma ucele ukusiza, ungayeki uma umsebenzi ungakapheli.
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16. Mbuke emehlweni umuntu uma ubonga, okushoyo akuphume ngaphakathi kuwena.
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17. Ungaphenduli umakhalekhukhwini uma nihleli kwi-dinner table.
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18. Zifundise ukuzixolela wena ngamaphutha akho.
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19. Yazi okungenani ihlaya elilodwa okuthi njalo uma ulixoxa liqhephule wonke umuntu ngohleko.
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20. At least funda ukupheka that one good meal.
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21. Funda ukushayela imoto ka-manual.
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22. Akukho okubi ngokuya kwi-movie theatre uhamba wedwana.
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23. Funda ukubamba ulaka lwakho.
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24. Yazi usayizi wezimpahla zomuntu wakho.
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25. Funda ukuba yi-good listener, hhayi ukulinda nje ithuba lokuthi nawe ukhulume.
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26. Uma wenze isethembiso, sifeze.
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27. Uma kungukuthi usafunda, ubozejwayeza ukuhlala phambili. Soon uzohluka kwabanye, hleze nezinga lokuphasa likhuphuke.
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28. Uphathele umama wakho imithwalo, naye wakuthwala izinyanga ezinti *ephakamisa iminwe eminti*.
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29. Uyibekezelele i-airport security, benza umsebenzi wabo.
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30. Akungakhuzwa wena ngomsindo during a movie.
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31. Khumbula, izinsizwa/izintombi zithanda umuntu ogezayo.
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32. Uyilokhu okwenzayo, hhayi lokhu abakushoyo.
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33. Funda ukushintsha ithayi lemoto, ungabi u-cheeseboy kumbe i-slay queen.
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34. Uboke uhlale nje nogogo nomkhulu, lukhulu ongalufunda kubo.
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35. Ungalahli ngewindi emotweni, faka esikhwameni uze uthole indawo ebekelwe ukulahla udoti.
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36. Uma unosisi/bhuti wakho, zama ukwazi i-boyfriend/girlfriend yakhe. Sometimes your opinion is important.
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37. Yazi amagama okuyiwona wona eculo lesizwe.
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38. Kungenzeka umdanso wakho awukho ezingeni, kodwa kungcono ukuzenza wena isilima kunokuhlala nje wedwa ebhentshini ubuka abanye bezitshukutsha.
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39. Yiba namaphupho, zazi ubhekephi.
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Ake ngime la muzi wakwethu, sengikhathele uku-typer…

Kwaze kwangisiza ukubuyela kwinsangu, bheka nje sengibhala izinto ezi-right kanjani! 🙂

Ubani omunye obiza uSemester Salon ngoRambo kuwo wonke ama-movie adlala kuwo?

Dear Coca-Cola
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Ngithi anginazise ukuthi laba bantu enibasebenzisa kwizikhangisi zenu bayangichaza. Indlela abalibamba ngalo ibhodlela leCoke elibanda mpo, nendlela abalivula ngalo bese bephuza mlibe sengathi yikameli lasogwadule iSahara. Baphuza bankunkuluze ngebhodlela bephakamise ubuso kancane sakubheka elangeni, amehlo evaliwe kamnandi, begwinya lesi siphuzo imiphimbo yabo inyakaza kamnandi ngomgqigqo engihluleka ngisho ukuwuchaza. Bese bethatha ikhefu babuke ibhodlela ngamehlo anothando bemamatheka, basuke lapho belesule umjuluko ngesithupha.
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Cha, nami-ke ngiyile esitolo ngafike ngacela iCoke ebandayo. Ngendlela ebengome ngayo, bengizimisele ukuyiphuza kube sengathi ngishutha isikhangisi seCoca-Cola lesi esengisichazile ngenhla. Bengizoyiphuza sengathi ngiphuza amanzi emva kokuzivocavoca kanzima ejimini.
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Hhayi-ke, ngibe sengihlala phansi ebhentshini eduze kwesitolo ngase ngilivula ibhodlela lami. Ukube bekukhona ongibonayo, ubengafunga agomele ukuthi ngishutha isikhangisi sonyaka! Besingakawi naphansi isivalo, kodwa ngikutshela ukuthi ibhodlela bese ngilixhumile kowami umlomo. Ngizamile ukuyinkunkuluza (njengalabo bantu benu engibabona kwizikhangisi), kodwa ngasheshe ngaxhilwa amagwebu engingazi ukuthi aqhamukephi. Le Coke yenu, igcine seyiphuma ngamakhala kanti futhi enye ingene ngomgudu o-wrong yafika emaphashini. Ngikhwehlele kwaze kwacishe ukuphuma inhliziyo, nomphefumulo wami bese ngithi uyaphuma impela! Le system yami yokuphefumula ibihlangene nezimbila zithutha, inhliziyo yami bese isho ukuma nse. Amehlo ami kade esebomvu tebhu, izinyembezi zigeleza. Amakhala ami esemanzi amafinyila. Bese ngithi ngiyafa, umzimba wami ushukuma. Ubuso bami bonke, ihembe lami nebhulukwe emathangeni ngimanzi nte yile Coke. Amathe, amafinyila, nezinyembezi. Ukufa ngikubone ngamehlo, ithuna lami ngijike endleleni sengilibonile ngo-“see”. Leli kahle kahle yicala lokuzama ukubulala. Isikhubekiso soqobo empilweni yami.
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Kuyayiwa kubo kaJesu ngiyanitshela! Liyothethwa leli cala. Ngethemba usathane ubhizi utheza izinkuni azonilothisa ngazo esihogweni ngoba liyonilahla leli cala.
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Yimina owenu
(obengumthandi weCoca-Cola, but not anymore)

Lama fridge amancane aseduze kwe-till abekelwe ukuthi ningabulawa ukoma nisamile kulayini, awadayisi nhlobo. Nibovula niphuze.

Lento oyihleka ukuthi yenziwa kwi-Kaizer Chiefs, thina sihleka ukuthi yenziwa kumuntu wakho, kodwa qhubeka.

Ngendlela ebengidakwe ngayo izolo, amaphoyisa akhombe eceleni umuntu obeshayela kule movie ebengiyibuka, ngazithola sengifihla ubhiya wami emva kosofa

Ngenxa yesasasa layizolo, sibale saze safika kwinkulungwane (1 000), namhlanje sizobala sifike kwizinkulungwane ezilishumi (10 000). Let’s go!

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Whoa! 😱
Hold on, speed kills son! Ijubane liyabulala!
You can’t scroll from 0 to 120km/h in 2 seconds, ‘yazi uzofa kubuhlungu. Ngisho u-Usain Bolt akanalo leli jubane oskrolla ngalo wena. Uthi ikhona yona imoto enejubane ngale ndlela oskrolla ngayo? Angikholwa.
SPEED KILLS, UNGAGIJIMI. 🤚🏽

Izilenda uma zihamba ziyi-group kuba sengathi iphakethe lama-vienna.

Umuntu abe pregnant kodwa uyabona ukuthi i-boyfriend yakhe siyithelela ama-Go Slos.

Iphi ingqondo?

UTHI BEWAZI?

– Bewazi ukuthi ukucela isithandwa sakho sikomisele izinwele ngethawula kungakhuphula izinga lothando lwenu ngo-75%?

– Bewazi ukuthi ukukhanyisa amakhandlela uma unesithandwa sakho kungakhuphula izinga lothando lwenu ngo-80%?

– Bewazi ukuthi ukwabelana i-toast nesithandwa sakho kungakhuphula izinga lothando lwenu ngo-85%?

– Bewazi ukuthi ukuya ocansini nesithandwa sakho lapho ugesi ucishiwe kungakhuphula izinga lothando lwenu ngo-90%?

– Bewazi ukuthi uku-shower nesithandwa sakho kungakhuphula izinga lothando lwenu ngo-95%?

Uma ukwenza okungenani okukodwa kwalokhu okungenhla…
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U-Eskom uthanda ukukubonga ngokonga ugesi. 🙂 👌🏽