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OFFICER:- what is your name?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- tell me properly!
NYAA:- Michael Phiri sir
OFFICER:- your father’s name?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
NYAA:- Moses Phiri sir
OFFICER:- your native place?
NYAA: M.P sir
OFFICER:- is it Makurdi Purum?
NYAA:- No, Minna Port sir
OFFICER:- what is your
qualification?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- (angry) what is it?!
NYAA:- Metric Pass
OFFICER:- so why do you need a
job?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
NYAA:- Money Problem sir
OFFICER:- what is your
personality?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- would you explain
urself and stop wasting my time?
NYAA:- Monacrotic Personality
OFFICER:- I see… I will get back to
you.
NYAA:- sir, how’s my M.P?
OFFICER:- and what’s that again?
NYAA:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- M.P !
NYAA:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!

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Two men were arguing about their sons’ stupidity.
Mr. James argued that his son was sillier than Nyaa’s
son. Nyaa however disagreed, so they decided to
put their sons to test.
James called his son & asked him to buy something
for him at the market. The boy ran to the market without even asking for what to buy & money. James
said,” you see how silly he is? He didn’t even ask for
what to buy …
or money”
Nyaa retorted, is this what u call foolishness?
Just wait & see, Nyaa calls his son & tells him, “go home & check if I am in the house” Nyaa’s son took
to his heels & came back panting, “Papa you are not
there in the house, Mama said you are at your friend’s
place..

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I have a dig bick. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

u read that wrong!
That awkward when u realise u read that wrong, u also said “moment” after ‘awkward’!

Wierd YOU!

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BEST WAY TO PROPOSE! u tek the gal to the sea. U make her get into a boat. U take the boat to the midle of the ocean. U kindly say, “Marry me or leave my boat”

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PLEASE do not go down. What you
are about to see will surprise you.










SWEETHEART, PLEASE I SAID DO NOT
SCROLL DOWN…












OMG!! DIDN’T U HEAR ME….













BIKO, WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN!
DO NOT GO…..












I WARNED YOU. DO NOT SAY I DID
NOT WARN YOU…….















FOR THE LAST TIME. HONEY, STOP
RIGHT THERE…..














WOW!!! You made it all the way
here. Now receive the blessings.








YOU WILL WALK IN GOD’S HUMOR
FULL OF BLESSINGS…..





PEOPLE WILL NEVER LOOK DOWN
UPON YOU….





PEOPLE SHALL REMEMBER YOU FOR
GOOD……





HAPPINESS & SUCCESS SHALL NEVER
CEASE IN YOUR WAY/LIFE……





SHOWERS OF FAVOR FROM GOD
WILL FOLLOW YOU & YOUR FAMILY…..





NO WEAPON FASHIONED AGAINST
YOU & UR FAMILY SHALL PROSPER





Write *AMEN* & *LIKE* if you believe in God’s work…
Please share for others to see…

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Italian Relationship:
1st day= Sex
2nd day= Sex again.

French Relationship:
1st day = movies & kiss
2nd day = Sex
3rd day = Sex again

British Relationship:
1 day= hangout & kiss
2nd day = kiss & hug
3rd day= kissing, hug and smooching
4th day = sex and more sex

American Relationship:
1st day= Date
2nd day= Hug
3rd day= Hug again (warmly)
4th day= Kiss
5th day= Long kiss
6th day= Sex

African Relationship:
1st day= Toast
2nd day= Toast
3rd day= Toast again
4th day= Agree
5th day= Date
6th day= Date again
7th day= Date again with three of her hungry friends or cousins.
8th day= Date & Hug
9th day= Tried to peck but failed.
10th day = Peck
11th day= Tried to kiss but failed.
12th day= kiss
13th day= Long kiss
14th day= Tried to have sex but failed.
15th day= Tried to have sex but quarrelled
16th day= Didn’t talk to each other
17th day= Malice till the next day
18th day= The man called but the woman didn’t pick
19th day= The man called, the woman picked and asked: “what is it?”
The man apologize and the woman replied: “Leave me alone, am not that type of girl”
The man continued to beg till the next day.
20th day= The woman accepted the unwarranted apology
21st day= Hug
22nd day= Long hug
23rd day= Kiss
24th day= Long kiss
25th day= Tried to have sex but the woman complains that her phone is bad. Guy promises to buy her a new one.
26th day= Tried to have sex but the woman said until he buys the phone
27th day= Tried to have sex but the woman asked: “where is the phone? U are not serious, call me when you are serious”
28th day= Rape.
29th day= Police case.

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A man married a beautiful girl. He loved her very much. One day she developed a skin disease. Slowly she started to lose her beauty. It so happened that one day her husband left for a tour.
While returning he met with an accident and lost his eyesight. However their married life continued as usual. But as days passed she lost her beauty gradually. Blind husband did not know this and there was not any difference in their married life. He continued to love her and she also loved him very much.
One day she died. Her death brought him great sorrow.
He finished all her last rites and wanted to leave that town.
A man from behind called and said, now how will you be able to walk all alone? All these days your wife used to help you.
He replied, I am not blind. I was acting, because if she knew l could see her ugliness it would have pained her more than her disease. So I pretended to be blind. She was a very good wife. I only wanted to keep her happy.
Moral:- *Some times it is good for us to act blind and ignore one another’s short comings, in order to be happy*
*No matter how many times the teeth bite the tongue, they still stay together in one mouth. That’s the spirit of FORGIVENESS. Even though the eyes don’t see each other, they see things together, blink simultaneously and cry together. That’s UNITY.” May God grant us all the spirit of forgiveness and togetherness*.
1. ”Alone, I can ‘Say’ but together, we can ‘talk’.
2. “Alone, I can ‘Enjoy’ but together, we can celebrate
3. ‘Alone, I can ‘Smile’ but together, we can ‘Laugh’.
*That’s the BEAUTY of Human Relations. We are nothing without each other*
The razor blade is sharp but can’t cut a tree; the axe is strong but can’t cut the hair.
*MORALS: Everyone is important according to his/her purpose. Never look down on anyone unless you are admiring their shoes*.

Share to educate someone. I have done my part.

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If women would just keep quiet, there won’t be any problem in any family.
.
A *wife* & husband visited a farm, they saw a bull having sex with a cow. The *wife* asked the farm manager:
“How many times does a bull have sex per day?”
Manager replied: “6 times or more a day”.
*Wife: looks at her husband and says…..” you see!”
Then the husband asked the manager: “You mean 6 times a day with the same cow?”
Manager said ” No, No, with different cows everyday.”
Husband looks to his *wife* and says ….
“you see!!!!”
And the fight started !!
Who caused the fight???
�…
PLEASE DON’T ANSWER 🙈 it’s gonna cause another fight

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I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING ….

Stolen:

I sent R1000 to a wrong number using ewallet

After realizing this, Icalmed down and sent him/her this text message:

“Hello Dear, I hope you got the membership welcome fee of R1000 to our Satanism Church. We are glad and looking forward to having you with us.

That is just the beginning of the richest life you are about to start living. We hope you are as excited to be joining our church as we are. As I just said, that is a
welcome salary.

We are having a meeting tonight whereby we will slaughter 3 people in celebration of the start of this month. Please invite over any female person you may be close to. Lets meet tonight at 8pm at YOUR PLACE.

If you haven’t shown any interest in our church and you believe this is a mistake, kindly send the money back to this number otherwise welcome to our Church. See you tonight.”

10 Minutes later, I got a message saying send another R1000 my friend is also interested’.

I fainted, people are so broke these days.

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In a street accident, a woman tried to help the victims but suddenly a nurse came and said…

“Miss, excuse me! I am a nurse and i can do it better. Step back.. I’ve had a course in first aid and I’m trained in giving first aid and CPR”.

The woman stepped aside and watched the procedure and said, “If you need a doctor, I’m just behind you.”

The nurse turned and looked at the woman in dismay.

Humility counts! Stay humble. If you will go far in 2018, you will need to drop your pride and treat people right.

Pride only drives people away because it stinks.

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*STRICTLY FOR MEN ONLY*

1. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~By Lee Majors

2. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
~By Al Gore

3. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
~By Socrates

4. Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.
~By Mike Tyson

5. The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
~By George Clooney

6. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
~By Bill Clinton

7. “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.”
~By George W. Bush

8. “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
~By Rudy Giuliani

9. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
~By Michael Jordan

10. “I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
~By Donald Trump

11. Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
~By Shaquille O’Neal

12. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
~By Kobe Bryant

13. You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
~By David Hasselhoff

14. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
~By Alec Baldwin

15. A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
~By Barack Obama

16. Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
~By Tommy Lee

17. A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
~By Brad Pitt

18. First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy : “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
~ By Jimmy Kimmel

19. “Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
~By David Letterman

20. “First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after….comes SuffeRing!
~By Jay Leno

21. “The reason why wives live longer is because they don’t have a Wife”
~By Brandon Breezy

Forward this to all the guys to give them a good laugh …….and to the ladies with good sense of humour who can handle it!!!!!!!

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Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”

Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”

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A man and a woman were traveling in a train.
Woman : Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Man : 😍 Awwww. . .. Are you single ?
Woman : No, I am a Dentist….

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One young lady arrived at a meeting wearing
clothes that were quite revealing her body parts.
Here is what the Boss told her:
He took a good look at her and made her sit.
Then he said something she will never
forget in her whole life.
He looked at her straight in the eyes and
said;
“Lady, everything that God made is valuable in
this world, is well covered and hardly to see, hardly
to find and hardly to get…

Where do you find DIAMONDS??… Deep
down in
the ground, covered and protected.

Where do you find the Biggest PHILIPPINE
PEARLS??…
Deep down at the bottom of the Palawan Ocean,
covered up and protected
in a beautiful shell.

Where do you find GOLD??…
Way down in the
MINE, covered over with layers of rock and to
get them, you have to work hard and dig deep
down to get them. RIGHT??…

.
He looked at her with serious eyes and said;
“Your BODY is SACRED and UNIQUE”
You are far more precious than DIAMONDS,
PEARLS
and GOLD, and your body should be well covered
too.
“So, he added if you keep your TREASURED
MINERAL just like diamonds, pearls, and gold
deeply covered up, a REPUTABLE mining
organization with the requisite machinery will
fly down and conduct YEARS of EXTENSIVE
EXPLORATION…
.
First, they will contact your government
{FAMILY},
sign professional contracts {WEDDING}
and mine you professionally { LEGAL MARRIAGE}
But if you leave your PRECIOUS MINERALS
uncovered on the SURFACE of the EARTH, you
always attract a lot of ILLEGAL MINERS to come
and mine you illegally.
Everybody will just pick up their CRUDE
INSTRUMENT and just have a dig on you just
freely like that.
.
Keep your bodies DEEPLY COVERED so that it
INVITE PROFESSIONAL miners to chase you…
Let us ALL ENCOURAGE our SISTERS,
DAUGHTERS,WIVES, and FRIENDS
to DRESS WELL DECENTLY…
AM I TALKING SENSE?
.
SHARE SHARE SHARE

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Dear Skinny Girls . Stop taking Naked pictures and call them Nud3s . Call them “Noodles”

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Some Girls are like bag of Weed,
you love her but you can’t introduce her to your parents

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