When i Visit A Doctor 😌 ,
i Will Give Him My Phone To Guess My Password 😒 ..
if He Gets it Right 😊 Then We Can Start Discussing My Problems 😇✌

I’m Very Serious These Days

Girl:Hallo,why are you smoking?

Boy:I smoke because I want to

Girl:You waste your life and money.See that BMW over there if you didn’t smoke you could have bought it

Boy:Do you smoke?

Girl:No

…Boy:And do you have a BMW?

Girl:No

Boy:Well I smoke,and by the way that BMW over there is mine..

ATM’s should have timer
when you take long it must swallow your useless card
and spray you with tear gas

Dating your neighbour is nonsense, you be receiving texts like
“bbe is everything okay i saw you coming from toilet”

Married women should stop posting beautiful pictures of themselves,
why advertise goods that are no longer in stock?

I swear every time I spell Wednesday there’s a little voice in my head
that says Wed-nes-day

Mara I have never seen a groom or a bride..
Going to the toilet during their wedding day ,
,are they wearing pampers

A couple was found dead yesterday in Rustenburg,😭 it is said the cause of death is sugar diabetic, this sickness is cause because of calling each other my sweetheart💁‍♂️, my chocolate🙄, my honey😕 , my sweetcake🤨, my lovecandy😐 and my lollipop😏, so 2save our lives😊 n partners lets start calling each other by healthy foods😎 , lyk my spinach, my carrot, my cabbage, my veggies vegg, my mopani wormy😍, etc.. Plz send this 2 all ur frnds as a warning😪

I’ve always wondered why women are always slapping their heads….

….but now I remember we used to do the same to old TVs
when they were not getting proper network signal….

There’s always that one☝family member who always views your status
and tell the whole family..!

When you’ve put your friends on speaker and you tell them
you with Your Bae and they ask WHICH ONE??

Some of the relationships are just lessons
don’t take them serious..!

“I miss you”, “I miss you
too”, “I wish I was with you”
national anthem of long
distance relationship..!

If ur wife cheats on you..my brother dont beat her,never sent her packing,dont argue with her… just make a big portrait photo of the guy she cheated with…and put it in ur living room,so that everytime visitors ask who the guy is::: you tell your wife to explain to them

Today’s kids are so spoilt that they don’t know that in our days you could be beaten for any of the following reasons:
1. Crying after being beaten.
2. Not crying after being beaten
3. Crying without being beaten
4. Standing while the elders are seated
5. Sitting while the elders stand
6. Walking around aimlessly where the elders are seated.
7. Replying back to an elder
8. Not replying back to an elder
9. Spending too much time without being beaten.
10. Singing after being admonished
11. Not greeting visitors
12. Eating food prepared for the visitors.
13. Crying to go with the visitors when the visitors are leaving.
14. Refusing to eat.
15. Coming back home after sunset
16. Eating at the neighbour’s home
17. Generally being moody.
18. Generally being too excited.
19. Fighting with your age mate and losing.
20. Fighting with your age mate and winning.
21. Eating too slowly
22. Eating too quickly
23. Eating too much
24. Sleeping while the elders had already woken up
25. Looking at the visitors while they are eating
26.Stumbling and falling when walking…

I know I’m single,
but somebody cheating on me bro I can feel it