A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.

Teacher: “Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?”
Nick: “What do you think it is, Sir?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Nick: “I don’t think I know either, Sir!”

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.

A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!

When I drink alcohol…
Everyone says I’m alcoholic.
But… When I drink Fanta..
No one says I’m fantastic.

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table
in a cafeteria at a MENTAL HOSPITAL.

Everyone has an annoying friend.
If you don’t have one, it’s probably you

We all have that one skinny friend
that eats more than fat person

If your girlfriend is pretty and
a lot of guys want her,
that’s another reason to keep her
and treat her right.
You got what they can’t have.