1.REAL NAME: Rainbow Hlongwane
2.NICKNAME: chemical
3.SEX: MALE
4.NATIONALITY: South African
5.HOBBIES: collecting teeth from live
crocodiles,
catching bullets with bare hands.
6. MY RECORDS: fought with a lion and broke
its
neck, skinned a crocodile alive, and held
breathe
under water for 2 months, 3 weeks, 6
hours,5
minutes and 45 seconds.
7. GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS: went to heaven
to
charge my phone and the first man to land
on
sun.
8.SILLIEST THING I’VE DONE: swimming in a
tsunami and driving towards a volcano.
9.EMBARRASSING MOMENT: couldn’t kill 100
lions with one punch but though 99 died
and the
remaining one is now cripple.
10.PROUDEST MOMENT: a cobra died after
biting
me.
11.HARDEST MOMENT: jumped from an
aeroplane and landed safely on a cricket
pitch.
12.SOMETHING ABOUT ME: I don’t like lying.

Me: can I buy you a drink??
Her: no alcohol is bad for my legs
Me: do they swell
Her: they open up easily
Me: thats the plan

Conversation between a Teacher and Mbula….
.
Teacher : Assume your in the jungle and a lion is about to attack you,what will you do.?
Mbula : I will stop assuming.

To all fools who dont believe in God because they have never seen him,
they do the same to their brains ,so their brains doesnt exist!

I bought a cellphone from an Indian shop
Then when I switch it off it says “Goodbye My Friend”

My doctor told me i have 7 months to live because of cancer,
i killed that Doctor and Judge gave me 20 years..

Dear ladies,
The silence u keep when you find money in your husband’s pocket during laundry should be the same silence u should maintain when you find condom in his pocket!

An accident occurred, 11 persons were injured, 14 died. So the Minister of Health promised to offer R50,000 to the injured and R6million to the dead for their funeral. One of the injured got up and laid where the dead were… One of the dead shouted, “Bro, go back to your place, do not bring confusion here, they have counted us already!”

Some guys are not romantic at all, if you see the way they pull off ladies pants before sex, you will think they are starting a generator!

IF I WAS THE FOUNDER OF FACEBOOK
• No Under 15’s.
• No More Than 5 Posts A Day.
• Ugly Chicks Upload their Pics Once A
Month.
• No People Over the Age Of 50.
• I Read Your Inboxes.
• A Chick Who Gets Less than 10 Likes Will
Be
Banned For 3 weeks.
• No Nude Pics.
• No Texting When You In The Toilet
or When You’re Eating.
• You Wear Your Facebook Uniform
Before Logging In.
• Strictly No Dating on facebook.
• After 10 We all Log Out (Closing
Gates).
• You bath Before You Post.
• You Need To Have At Least 20
foreign Friends On Your Facebook.
• You’re Not Allowed To Have More
Than 500 Friends.
• You Need To Make An Affidavit To
Have An Account and A doctor’s Note .
• You can only login after church on
sundays, and if u didn’t go
to church, you can’t login.
• Wash Your Hands Before Signing
In.
• You fart your facebook automatically logs
out

Mom : It seems like you are pregnant
?Daughter : This is our Life Orientation
school project . We were
experimenting how life begins
.
.
Mom :Then tell me , who is he ?
.
Daughter : I don’t know mummy , it
was a group project
.
.
.
Mom fainted

People who argue on their cell phones in
public should do it on loud speaker so
we could hear both sides of the story

The reason why I want to get married is
that I want someone who can switch off
lights when I sleep.

Last year I was working as a security guard at the
Kruger National Park. My boss fired me after
I left the gate wide open.
I mean who can steal a lion?

I went to a restaurant.
It was full; no place to sit…
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- “Bro
come fast, she’s here with someone else…
Six women ran away

My mother-in-law visited me and my wife but coincidentally,that day my wife
was feeling for sex and she did not want to whisper to me since i was busy
sharing stories with her mother. My wife tricked me by pretending she has
headache and went straight to the bedroom. After some minutes, I followed her
leaving her mother in the sitting room. I took some time there, but when I came
back I had forgotten to close my zip.
Mother-in-law: How is she feeling now?
Me: She is now feeling better, I have given her paracetamol.
Mother-in-law: OK, close the pharmacy