Dear ladies.
Please when you decide to cheat on your
man, do it with a guy that your man would
defeat in a fight.
You cant hurt your man twice.

Go To The Nearest Somalian Supermarket
And Make Him Angry , You Will Hear Him Saying
“Am Not Your Friend My Friend”

Yesterday my boss sent me to buy a 2litre of milk

Then I found out only 1litres available,
and
turned back and told him..

He called me by names, and even told me straight that I’m stupid why I didn’t use my brain and buy two 1litres of milk to make it 2litre

And today he sent me to buy pair of size 6 sleepers shoes
I got all the sizes except size 6
So I used my brain and bought two pairs of size 3
To make it 6
Without a word, he used sign language
To alerted me to wait for him out side
Now he’s busy with his computer ,
I’m sure he want to give me some bonus end of the month

A cop pulls a guy over: Sir, why were you speeeding? Officer, I wanted to get home quickly, before I became really drunk.
….
I really love you ppl

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?” “Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?” “Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer”

*My friend invited me to a wedding and while sitting I whispered to a person sitted next to me:*

*ME* the bride is ugly..
*PERSON:* if you dont mind, thats my daughter
*ME:* ooh am sorry I didn’t know you are the father..
*PERSON:* idiot am not the father, am the mother..
*ME:* heeeh

They say milk gives strength. I drank 4 cups of milk yet i wasn’t able to move a wall, but when i drank 4 bottles of beer i saw walls moving by themselves. These scientists are bloody liars

Have you ever thought that the Mouse you killed
was thinking that it is part of your family?
Exactly you’re just thinking for yourself
you don’t care about others feelings

Some girls of nowadays set a 16 digit password to
lock their phone,
while their legs password is “SLIDE TO UNLOCK”

My sister stop asking guys what they do
for a living, they will lie, just take them to
bed and count how many round they can
go
1 round – rich guy
2 rounds – doing well in life
3rounds – unemployed
4rounds – broke as hell
Don’t be deceived by there looks

Google is the second fastest searching
engine…….. A Guy’s eye remain the first
when searching for a beautiful girl in a
crowd.

A sophisticated looking Muslim lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits down.
The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated Muslim lady in his shop, runs over immediately and asks if he could help her.

To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her long Silk Black Top and points to her right inner thigh – very high up. “Right here,” she says, “I want you to tattoo a Moon and Star and underneath it I want the word “Eid Mubarak.”

Then she points to her left thigh just as high up and says, “On this side, I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and an angel on top and underneath it I want the word Christmas.”

The owner looks at her. “Ooh, lady, it’s none of my business, but that is probably the most unusual request I’ve ever heard. Why in the world do you want to do that?

“Well,” the lady said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there’s never anything good to eat between Eid and Christmas.”

A man and woman were married for many years.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98.
After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked,
“Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?”
The wife said, “Let him dig. I had him buried upside down…
And I know for sure, he won’t ask for directions.”

Girls want Attention.
Women want Respect.
Men want both.
No no.. not Attention and Respect.
Both Girls and Women

Police officer: Mr Kasote, we are here to investigate the source of your wealth…

Mr Kasote: When I was poor, did you investigate the source of my poverty?

I got my wife a Pug dog for her birthday.
Despite the squashed nose,
bulging eyes, rolls of fat and being ugly..
The dog seems to love her.