A senior citizen drove his brand new Mercedes to 120km/hr, looking in his rear view mirror , he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, … then 170, … Suddenly he thought, “I’m too old for this nonsense…!” So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him . The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before for why you were speeding. I’ll let U go.”
The man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- “Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.” !!! 😵😁😖😂
The Cop left saying, ” Have a good day, Sir

Sex on the Sabbath*

A man wonders if having *sex* on the *Sabbath* is a sin b’cos he is not sure if sex is *work* or *play.* So he goes to a *priest* & asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the *Bible,* the *priest* says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that *sex* is *work* & is therefore not permitted on *Sabbath.”*

The man thinks: “What does a *priest* know about *sex?”* So he goes to a *minister* who, after all, is a married man & experienced in this matter. He queries the *minister* & receives the same reply. *Sex* is *work* & therefore not for the *Sabbath!*

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a *Rabbi,* a man of thousands of years tradition & knowledge. The *Rabbi* ponders the question, then states, “My son, *sex* is definitely *play.”*

The man replies, *”Rabbi,* how can u be so sure when so many others tell me *sex* is *work?”*

The *Rabbi* softly speaks, “My son, if *sex* were *work,* *wives* would definitely make their *maids* do it for them.

RIGHT ANSWERS TO WRONG QUESTIONS

1. You had a haircut and they ask
“Did you cut your hair??
“No, I dyed my hair colorless”

2. You standing right in front of the elevator on
the ground floor and they ask
“Are you going up??”
“No I’m waiting for my apartment to come get me”

3. You on the queue to buy tickets at the cinemas and a friend sees you and asks
“What are you doing here??”
“I’m here to pay my school fees”

4. When a friend calls you on your landline
they ask “Where are you??”
“I’m at the bus stop”

5. When it’s raining and one notices you are going out they ask
“Are you going out in this rain??”
“No Im going in the next one”

6. When people see you lying down with your eyes closed and they ask
“Are you sleeping??”
“No I’m trying to die”

7.Nxa usuqedile ukuhleka add more….

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.

She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.

He asks the lady,
‘Do you have a vagina?’
She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman,
‘Do you have a vagina?’
She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice,
‘Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.’

The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice,
‘Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.’

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.

Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question;
‘Do you have vagina’?
‘Yes, actually I have one,’ she says.

The man replies..
‘Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours?’

#husband fainted#

Zimbabwean National Army has been training ever since i was a kid but Zimbabwe has never had any war ,, why cant they organize a friendly match with Boko haram??*

just thinkiní

Jamaican man was making love to his wife for the 1st time.He suddenly screamed ‘jah bles’ and ran out of the room & came back with a bucket of water & poured t on his wife’s private parts.*
*The frightened wife shouted ‘watagwan wat u rasta man do dat 4?’ the man answered,* *bomboclat woman dis ting too sweet me gwan dilute it, remember me diabetic sweet tings nah good fi mi rastaman……..