U Zenzo ngena e police station emanzi teeeee
Police ,,,,,yeyi baba wangena uthwele amehlo👀 sokutheni?
Zenzo ,,,,, ngifuna u msebenzi
Police,,,,, yeyi baba asila msebenzi lapha mbani othe kulomsebenzi ?
Zenzo,,,,,, ngibone I phepha elilifake e zitolo elithi ((man wanted for rape )) ngingawenza umsebenzi lowo
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If women would just keep quiet, there won’t be any problem in any family.
.
A *wife* & husband visited a farm, they saw a bull having sex with a cow. The *wife* asked the farm manager:
“How many times does a bull have sex per day?”
Manager replied: “6 times or more a day”.
*Wife: looks at her husband and says…..” you see!”
Then the husband asked the manager: “You mean 6 times a day with the same cow?”
Manager said ” No, No, with different cows everyday.”
Husband looks to his *wife* and says ….
“you see!!!!”
And the fight started !!
Who caused the fight???
�…
PLEASE DON’T ANSWER 🙈 it’s gonna cause another fight
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I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING ….
Stolen:
I sent R1000 to a wrong number using ewallet
After realizing this, Icalmed down and sent him/her this text message:
“Hello Dear, I hope you got the membership welcome fee of R1000 to our Satanism Church. We are glad and looking forward to having you with us.
That is just the beginning of the richest life you are about to start living. We hope you are as excited to be joining our church as we are. As I just said, that is a
welcome salary.
We are having a meeting tonight whereby we will slaughter 3 people in celebration of the start of this month. Please invite over any female person you may be close to. Lets meet tonight at 8pm at YOUR PLACE.
If you haven’t shown any interest in our church and you believe this is a mistake, kindly send the money back to this number otherwise welcome to our Church. See you tonight.”
10 Minutes later, I got a message saying send another R1000 my friend is also interested’.
I fainted, people are so broke these days.
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In a street accident, a woman tried to help the victims but suddenly a nurse came and said…
“Miss, excuse me! I am a nurse and i can do it better. Step back.. I’ve had a course in first aid and I’m trained in giving first aid and CPR”.
The woman stepped aside and watched the procedure and said, “If you need a doctor, I’m just behind you.”
The nurse turned and looked at the woman in dismay.
Humility counts! Stay humble. If you will go far in 2018, you will need to drop your pride and treat people right.
Pride only drives people away because it stinks.
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Ngithume umntaka mzawami nge$2 ngathi ayethenga isinkwa lochago. Sengibona engasaphenduki ngathi wothi ngilandele maybe kukhona okuwrongo. Ngibone okunkunzi kuhamba kudlala kusidla icream donut kunatha lefrozen, ngikubuze ngithi “kanti Ntando wahamba udlala into engikuthume zona zinga,”
Kuphendule kuthi hayiAunt imali ilahlekile,
Kanti manje leyo othenge ngayo okudlayo uyithethe nga?
Kuthi, “ngithe sengiphenduka ngadobha i$2
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*STRICTLY FOR MEN ONLY*
1. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~By Lee Majors
2. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
~By Al Gore
3. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
~By Socrates
4. Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.
~By Mike Tyson
5. The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
~By George Clooney
6. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
~By Bill Clinton
7. “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.”
~By George W. Bush
8. “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
~By Rudy Giuliani
9. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
~By Michael Jordan
10. “I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
~By Donald Trump
11. Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
~By Shaquille O’Neal
12. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
~By Kobe Bryant
13. You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
~By David Hasselhoff
14. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
~By Alec Baldwin
15. A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
~By Barack Obama
16. Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
~By Tommy Lee
17. A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
~By Brad Pitt
18. First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy : “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
~ By Jimmy Kimmel
19. “Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
~By David Letterman
20. “First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after….comes SuffeRing!
~By Jay Leno
21. “The reason why wives live longer is because they don’t have a Wife”
~By Brandon Breezy
Forward this to all the guys to give them a good laugh …….and to the ladies with good sense of humour who can handle it!!!!!!!
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Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”
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A man married a beautiful girl. He loved her very much. One day she developed a skin disease. Slowly she started to lose her beauty. It so happened that one day her husband left for a tour.
While returning he met with an accident and lost his eyesight. However their married life continued as usual. But as days passed she lost her beauty gradually. Blind husband did not know this and there was not any difference in their married life. He continued to love her and she also loved him very much.
One day she died. Her death brought him great sorrow.
He finished all her last rites and wanted to leave that town.
A man from behind called and said, now how will you be able to walk all alone? All these days your wife used to help you.
He replied, I am not blind. I was acting, because if she knew l could see her ugliness it would have pained her more than her disease. So I pretended to be blind. She was a very good wife. I only wanted to keep her happy.
Moral:- *Some times it is good for us to act blind and ignore one another’s short comings, in order to be happy*
*No matter how many times the teeth bite the tongue, they still stay together in one mouth. That’s the spirit of FORGIVENESS. Even though the eyes don’t see each other, they see things together, blink simultaneously and cry together. That’s UNITY.” May God grant us all the spirit of forgiveness and togetherness*.
1. ”Alone, I can ‘Say’ but together, we can ‘talk’.
2. “Alone, I can ‘Enjoy’ but together, we can celebrate
3. ‘Alone, I can ‘Smile’ but together, we can ‘Laugh’.
*That’s the BEAUTY of Human Relations. We are nothing without each other*
The razor blade is sharp but can’t cut a tree; the axe is strong but can’t cut the hair.
*MORALS: Everyone is important according to his/her purpose. Never look down on anyone unless you are admiring their shoes*.
Share to educate someone. I have done my part.
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A man and a woman were traveling in a train.
Woman : Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Man : 😍 Awwww. . .. Are you single ?
Woman : No, I am a Dentist….
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Omunye ujaha nango engena ebhasini esiya ekhaya. Sekubhadalwa wathi conductor ngizakunika imali sengisehla kathesi ngihlezi kubi. Yebona yee ibhasi yadla phansi. Wezwakala sememeza I bus stop yakhe ujaha . Bathi bhadala phela wabe ephuma ebhasini ngenkalakatha yejubane ebaleka engabhadalanga. U conductor wamhlala izithende emuva kwakhe. Ujaha lwana wabaleka eqonda emathuneni ememeza esithi khulu vuka sengikuphathele inyama nansi. Uconductor esizwa lelo watshibilika wabaleka ebuyela ebhasini. Unkunzi wasala ehlekelela esithi ngizakwenza mfana. Elokhe esamile khonapho wezwa ilizwi ebunyameni lisithi Sengivukile ingaphi phela Inyama yakhona. Yeyi wabaleka waze wadlula uconductor esiya ngena ebhasini
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ADVICE FOR MEN:
umfazi ophuza utshwala, shiya.
umfazi onqaba nefoni yakhe, shiya,
umfazi othanda i airtime okudlula wena, shiya,
umfazi ohlala eku buzzer ukuth’ ufone engafoni, shiya,
umfazi okhuluma nawe ku Whatsapp kuphela engafoni, shiya,
umfazi one bestfriend eyisifebe shiya,
umfazi ogqoka ikepesi, utsotsi lowo____ shiya’
umfazi ogqoka ijean skirt, t/shit nama sneaker, shiya,
umfazi okhuluma okudlula wena, shiya,
umfazi ongakuthathi out, shiya,
umfazi o uploader amafotoz le cleavage egqoke isgcebhe, shiya,
umfazi okhuluma islang/kasi-lingo, shiya,
umfazi okhwela esihlahleni for imango, guava, shiya,
umfazi othi uyi first boyfriend yakhe, ngamanga shiya,
umfazi othi goodnight ngo9pm ubone last seen 11pm, shiya,
umfazi okuthwa number busy ngama 11, shiya,
umfazi ojayiva ku roadshow, ngikutshelile wena; shiya,
umfazi ogqoka ivesi, yeyi wena ngithi shiya,
umfazi okwazi ukutshaya ukhwelo or ukuhlabela ingoma ngomlozwi, shiya,
umfazi othengisa ebhawa or tuckshop; shiya,
umfazi ohamba ebhampa; shiya,
umfazi ohlala ekhoneni lestrrat ekasi, shiya,
umfazi ohlangana naye etown ahlale akhale ngendlala; shiya
Umfazi ovula iCoca cola ngamazinyo… Dangerous shiya.
Umfazi ogqoka ipettcoat egqoke le jean skirt shiya….
Ngiyabonga mina, dankie.
Add lawe, and SHARE with yo frends….
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Dear Skinny Girls . Stop taking Naked pictures and call them Nud3s . Call them “Noodles”
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Some Girls are like bag of Weed,
you love her but you can’t introduce her to your parents
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I thought I have seen everything in life until I saw a 16yrs old boy went to a bar and
drank 4 bottles of Guinness. He got up to leave and the barman asked him to pay.
He brought out his birth certificate and
replied; Not for sale to persons below 18yrs
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The best TIME on EARTH is the TIME that you SPEND with someone’s WIFE.
Of course your mother, who is your father’s WIFE.
What were you thinking, may GOD deliver you.
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A married man left work early one Friday,
but instead of going home,
he spent the weekend partying with the
boys. When he finally returned home
on Sunday night, his wife really got on his
… case and stayed on it.
After a few of hours of swearing and
screaming, his wife paused and
pointed at him and made him an offer.
“How would you like it if you
didn’t see me for a couple of days?”…..
The husband couldn’t believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and
said, “That would suit me just fine!!”
Monday went by, and the man didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn’t see her.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little
out of the corner of his left eye.
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