करनी सेना वालों से एक करबद्ध निवेदन …
भाई जो भी करो थारी मर्जी है … पर एक काम जरुर करिओ इसी बहाने औढ़ै जो मक्की के फुल्ले अर बरफ आली चाय बेच्चैं है न उनके गट्टे जरुर तोड़िओ मेरे भाई …
सुसरा दस रपइयां का सौदा नी … द्यो जी एक सौ बीस रपइए , ब्लैकमेलर हैं यार … आत्मा तक चिंघाड़ मारै है रेट सुणकै .
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एक बार एक विदेशी भारत आया। उसने ताजमहल को देखकर किसी से पूछा कि ये ताज महल किसने बनाया? एक आदमी बोला, ‘पता नहीं।’विदेशी ने समझा की ‘पता नहीं’ ने बनाया है। फिर विदेशी ने जयपुर का महल देखा और किसी से पूछा की ये किसने बनाया? किसी ने कहा, ‘पता नहीं?’ विदेशी बोला ये भी पता नहीं ने बनाया बहुत अच्छा बनाया है। फिर वो दिल्ली गया और उधर कुतब मीनार देखा और किसी से पूछा ये किसने बनाई? फिर किसी ने कहा, ‘पता नहीं।’ विदेशी ने सोचा ये भी ‘पता नहीं’ ने बनाया। क्या मस्त इंजीनियर है यार ‘पता नहीं’। मैं ‘पता नहीं’ से जरूर मिलकर जाऊंगा। कुछ आगे चलकर उसको एक जनाजा मिला तो विदेशी ने किसी से पूछा, ‘ये कौन मर गया?’ उस आदमी ने कहा, ‘पता नहीं!’ विदेशी उदास होकर बोला : ‘मेरी तो किस्मत ही खराब है, मिलने से पहले ही पता नहीं मर गया!’
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पुलिस दरवाजा खटखटाते हैं..
संता : कौन दरवाजा खटखटा रहा हैं?
पुलिस : हम पुलिस हैं, दरवाजा खोलो!
संता – क्यूँ खोलू ?
पुलिस – कुछ बात करनी हैं |
संता : तुम लोग कितने हो !
पुलिस : हम ३ हैं |
संता : तो सालों आपस में बात कर लो, मेरे पास टाइम नहीं है ।
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एक बार एक ताऊ प्लेन से
लन्दन जा रहा था,
बगल में एक अंग्रेज बैठा हुआ था !
—
ताऊ ने अंग्रेज से पूछा – “आप क्या करते
हो ?”
अंग्रेज – “मैं एक साईंटिस्ट हूँ… और आप ?”
ताऊ – “मैं इंजीनियर हूँ !”
—
अंग्रेज – “वाव इंजीनियर … क्या हम
किसी
टॉपिक
पर बात कर सकते हैं ?”
ताऊ – “बिलकुल ,, ”
—
अंग्रेज – “अच्छा, तुम मुझे न्यूक्लियर पावर
के बारे में
कुछ
बताओ”
—
ताऊ ये सुनकर चुप रह गया !
—
अंग्रेज – (व्यंग से) “ओह ~~ तो तुम नहीं
जानते ?”
ताऊ – “जानता तो हूँ लेकिन तुम
पहले मेरे एक
क्वेश्चन
का एन्सर दो”
अंग्रेज – “हम्म ~~ पूछो .. ”
—
ताऊ – “मंदिर में भी घंटा होता है और चर्च में
भी घंटा होता है, तो फिर
चर्च का घंटा मंदिर के घंटे से
बड़ा क्यों होता है
..?”
अंग्रेज कुछ देर सोचता
रहा फिर बोला – “मैं
नहीं जानता”
ताऊ -ने एक दिया खीच के
कान के निचे और
बोला “अबे साले .. पता तुझे घंटे का भी
नहीं है
और
बातें न्यूक्लियर पावर की करे है !!
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मोदीजी दावोस गए|
वहाँ उन्हे अपनी बात रखने का मौका मिला|
भाषण के क्रम में उनके मुँह से भूलवश सवा सौ करोड़ जनता की जगह 600 करोड़ जनता निकल गया|
कुछ लोग 600 करोड़ वाली बात पर ताली पीट रहे है|
अगर 600 करोड़ न बोला होता तो दूसरी बात पर उछलते|
हिंदी में भाषण दिया उससे भी परेशानी है|
कह रहे वोटरों को लुभाने के लिए वो हिंदी में बोले|
यही अंग्रेजी में स्पीच दी होती तो कहते विदेश जाकर विदेशी बोली बोल रहे है|
लब्बोलुआब यह है कि मोदीजी को वहाँ मिलने वाली इज्जत अफजाई अच्छे अच्छो को न पच रही है|
कमबख्त दस्त के मारे औंधे पड़े हुए है|
प्यारे नफरतगर्दों,
सूजी है क्या?
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हर ग्रुप में गोरी लड़कियां एक काली लड़की को भी ग्रुप में रखती है खुद को अच्छा फिल करवाने के लिये,
बस कोहली भी धवन को भी यूँही रख लेता है
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*IAS exam question*
एक 🙈 अंधे की बीबी को 🙉 बहरा भगा कर ले जा रहा था और 🙊गूँगे ने उसे देख लिया
अब 🙊 गूँगा 🙈 अंधे को कैसे बताएगा के तुम्हारी बीबी 🙉 बहरे के साथ भाग गयी
24 घण्टे का समय है आपके पास उत्तर देने के लिए🤔🤔🤔
देखता हू Is ka Ans कौन सही देता है आपको नही पता है तो दूसरे को Send करके
Ans पूछो fast
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This touched me.*
*There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.*
*She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.*
*She told her boyfriend, ‘If I could only see the world, I will marry you.’*
*One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.*
*He asked her,’ Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?’*
*The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.*
*Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: ‘Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.’*
*This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.*
*Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.*
*Life Is a Gift*
*Today before you say an unkind word -*
*Think of someone who can’t speak.*
*Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.*
*Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out to ALMIGHTY GOD for a companion.*
*Today before you complain about life -*
*Think of someone who died too young.*
*Before you complain about your children -*
*Think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.*
*Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn’t clean or sweep -*
*Think of the people who are living in the streets.*
*Before whining about the distance you drive*
*Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.*
*And when you are tired and complain about your job -*
*Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.*
*But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -*
*Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.*
*And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -*
*Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you’re alive and still around.*
*And before you think of closing your Whatsapp messenger, Please think of sending this to as many people as you like…It might change someone’s thinking towards Life.*
*Remain blessed.*
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A couple both aged 37 went 2 a sex therapist’s office. The DR asked, what cn I do 4 u? The man said “will u watch us hv sex? The Dr looked puzzled but agreed. Wen de couple finished having intercourse the Dr said”there’s nothing wrong with de way u hv intercourse and charged them R250. This happened several weeks in a row, the couple cud make an appointment and hv intercourse with no problems,pay the Dr and leave. FINALLY the Dr asked”Just exactly what r u trying 2 find out?”. The man said”we r nt trying 2 find out anything. She’s is married and we cnt go 2 her house.I’m married so we can’t go 2 my house. At the guest house they charge R650, the hotel charges R800. We do it here for R250 and I claim it back frm Medical Aid!
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Grandchild:”Gogo how old are u “?
Gogo:”I don’t know I’m too old “.
Grandchild:”Why can’t you look your underwear ,mine written 4-5 yrs.
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Nakhu uSipho uyaxoshwa emsebenzini bese ecabanga ukuvula ikhemesi nangempela ayivule aqashe abantu abawu2 ukuthi bamsize bese ebeka imithetho ukuthi “Mawulaphekile ukhokha uR1000 uma ungalaphekanga sikubuyisela uR5000 back” akubeke ngaphandle lokho njebhodi …. kuqhamuke iphoyisa lifunde langaphandle libone ukuthi iningi lemali angene ngaphakathi
PHOYISA: dokotela nginekinga yokungayizwa I taste yokudla engikudlayo
DR: basebenzi ngicela ibhodlela number 22 lapho .. phuza lana
PHOYISA : aphuze ( arghhh ) ungiphuzisa umchamo lona
DR: khokha ndoda sewukwazi ukuzwa I taste manjr uzwile ukuthi ngumchamo lo(likhokhe iphoyisa ..libone ukuthi libhayizile libuye futhi ngakusasa )
PHOYISA: dokotela nginenkinga yokungakhumbuli ebingikudla izolo ngisize (imambane le iyayifuna lemali)
DR: basebenzi lethani lelo bhodlela unumber 22.
PHOYISA: cha cha cha aii leli bhodlela layizolo lomchamo.
DR: khokha ngoba sewukhumbula ukuthi bewudlani izolo(likhokhe iphoyisa libone ukuthi libhayizile futhi phela lemali liyayifuna libuye futhi)
PHOYISA: dokotela nginekinga yokungaboni emehlweni
DR: cha ngeke sikwazi ukukusiza lapho bamba naku uR5000 wakho besho bemnika uR50
PHOYISA: hawu engani ngu R50 njr loo
DR: khokha ngoba usuyabona ukuthi malini lee ……..iphoyisa lavele laqaleka
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During church service, this 16-year old pastor’s daughter stood up and said: “Praise the Lord!” Everybody shouted with joy: “Hallelujah!!”. She continued:
“Since the age of 13, I’ve been experiencing painful monthly periods. But now, after a series of Bible studies and prayers with brother Solomon in his house, my monthly periods have stopped for more than 3 months now. No more pain, no more menstruation. You can see I’m even getting fatter and prettier. We are starting to pray seriously about the small problem of vomiting, especially in the morning. Praise the Lord”.
The whole church was silent… and
Brother Solomon fainted!!!
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A couple had a quarrel one evening. When it was time to sleep, the man lay on the floor while the lady slept on the bed. Later into the night, the husband had an erection, he then held his small man and said “you better sleep, didn’t you see that I quarreled with her?”
The lady replied:
“don’t involve everybody in our quarrels, the case is between you and I, don’t involve him. Allow him to come and play with his friend”
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If children of israel were like girls of today
while crossing the red sea, they would have
spent the whole day in the middle of the sea
taking pictures and uploading on facebook, twitter, Instagram and all types of social networks with posts/status like:
1. Chilling with Moses
2. Miracle things on point .
3. Me and Moses before crossing the sea.
4. Can’t wait to see the promised land
5. Pharaoh dololo can’t catch us.
6. Eee what a Fish 😍
7. Finally we have won the battle
8. Tholukuthi Moze is our chief 😜😜😜
9. Moses the coolest nigger
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ਪੰਜਾਬ ਦੇ ਹਰ ਬੰਦੇ ਚ ਇਕ ਡਾਕਟਰ ਤੇ ਇਕ ਵਕੀਲ ਛੁਪਿਆ ਹੁੰਦਾ ਹੈ
ਬੱਸ ਤੁਸੀਂ ਆਪਣੀ problem ਦੱਸਣੀ ਹੁੰਦੀ ਆ
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I have a girlfriend who is a police officer. When she misses me, she just come to my house in uniform and arrest me in presence of my wife and take me to her home till the next day.
Then she bring me back and tell my wife “we are not done with investigations yet. I shall pick him up anytime we want more from him“
And my innocent wife will always say: ‘madam officer, God bless you for handling my husband’s case with care I will make sure he is always available anytime you need him”. Share & enjoy your day as you put smile on somebody’s face also.
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