Boy: bago ako mamatay, may gusto akong aminin. Girl: shhh… Wala ka nang dapat ipag alala pa. Okay na ang lahat.
Boy: hindi. Gusto kong maging mapayapa. Nagkaroon ako ng tatlong kabit. Yung kaibigan mo, ate mo at pinsan mo.
Girl: alam ko gago kaya nga nilason kita. Sige pikit na!!
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Huwag mong isusulat ang name mo sa condolence book pag dumalaw ka sa patay.Kasi pagkatapos ng libing nag-kakaroon ng raffle kung sinong susunod
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Kapag ang TENGA mo KUMATI,
ibig sabihin may taong gustong gusto kang makita,
Kapag ang ILONG mo KUMATI,
ibig sabihin may HUMALIK SA PICTURE mo,
Kapag ang LABI mo KUMATI,
ibig sabihin may taong PATAY NA PATAY sayo,
Kapag ang BUONG KATAWAN mo KUMATI,
ibig sabihin LIGO LIGO din, Masyado nang makapal ang LIBAG MO
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Kenny is an engineer that can’t find a job so he opens a
clinic and puts a sign outside ‘GET TREATMENT
FOR R50 – IF NOT CURED YOU GET BACK R200 A
lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn
R150 and goes to the clinic… Lawyer: “I have
lost my sense of taste”
Kenny : “Nurse, bring
medicine from box no.22 and put 3 drops in
patient’s mouth” Lawyer: “Urgh..this is paraffin”
Kenny : “Congrats, your sense of taste is
restored. Give me R50” The annoyed lawyer goes
back after a few days to recover his money…
Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot
remember anything”
Kenny : “Nurse, bring
medicine from box no.22 and put 3 drops in his
mouth” Lawyer (annoyed): “This is paraffin. You
gave this to me last time for restoring my taste”
Kenny : “Congrats. You got your memory
back. Give me R50” The fuming lawyer pays him,
and then comes back a week later determined to
get back R200.
Lawyer: “My eye sight has become
very weak”
Kenny: “Well, I don’t have any
medicine for that, so take this R200” Lawyer
(staring at the note): “But this is R50, not R200”
Kenny : “Congrats, your eyesight is restored.
Give me R50”
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ਨਾਸਰੋ ਮੰਸੂਰ ਗੁਰ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿੰਘ ॥
ੲੇਜ਼ਦੀ ਮੰਜੂਰ ਗੁਰ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿੰਘ ॥
ਖਾਲਸੋ ਬੇਕੀਨਾ ਗੁਰ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿੰਘ ॥
ਹੱਕ ਹੱਕ ਆਈਨਾ ਗੁਰ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿੰਘ ॥
ਹੱਕ ਹੱਕ ਆਗਾਹ ਗੁਰ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿੰਘ ॥
ਸ਼ਾਹੇ ਸ਼ਹਨਸ਼ਾਹ ਗੁਰ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿੰਘ ॥
ਹੱਕ ਹੱਕ ਅੰਦੇਸ਼ ਗੁਰ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿੰਘ ॥
ਬਾਦਸ਼ਾਹ ਦਰਵੇਸ਼ ਗੁਰ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿੰਘ ॥
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ਮੈਂ – ਮੰਮੀ 2000 ਰੁਪਏ ਦਿਓ
ਮੰਮੀ – ਪੁੱਤ ਵੈਲੇਨਟਾਈਨ ਵੀਕ ਚੱਲ ਰਿਹਾ
ਤੂੰ ਏਨੇ ਪੈਸਿਆਂ ਦਾ ਕੀ ਕਰਨਾ ?
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कल एक पत्नी ने… अपने
पति को यह कहकर…
चुप करा दिया …😷
ज़्यादा होशियार मत बनो…
“जितना दिमाग…
तुम्हारे पास है ना…
उतना तो…
मेरा हमेशा ख़राब रहता है।”
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भगवान ने एक *बुढे* से पूछा :अब तुम्हारा बुढ़ापा आ गया है।
कर्म के हिसाब से मुझे तुमको बीमारी देनी होगी।
तुम्हारी भक्ति की वजह से दो में से एक बीमारी चुनने का मौका देता हूँ।
या तो याददाश्त खो जाएगी ,
या हाथ पैर काँपेंगे।
*बुढे* ने *मित्र* से पूछने की इजाजत लेकर *मित्र* से पूछा, *मित्र* ने कहा कि हाथ पाँव काँपने की बीमारी माँगना,
क्योंकि
गिलास में से एकाध *पेग* छलक जाए तो कोई बात नहीं।
पर
*बोतल* रखी कहाँ हैं,ये ही भूल जाओ तो *भारी मुश्किल* हो जाएगी
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पिंटू:- हेलो
पड़ोसन:- hi
पिंटू:- आपका *दोनों दूध* कोई पी जायेगा.. संभाल लो
पड़ोसन:- क्या बक़वास है..
बात करने की तमीज़ नहीं है क्या ??
पिंटू:- अरे *आपके दरवाज़े पे* दूधवाला *दूध के दो पॅकेट* रखकर गया है.. उसकी बात कर रहा हूं
पड़ोसन:- ओह्ह्ह सॉरी-सॉरी..
अभी ले लेती हू 😛
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ਪਤਨੀ- ਸੁਣੋ ਜੀ ਮੈਂ ਅੱਜ ਅਖਬਾਰ ਚ ਪੜ੍ਹਿਆ ਆ ਕੇ
ਸ਼ਰਾਬ ਪੀਣ ਨਾਲ ਲੀਵਰ ਖਰਾਬ ਹੁੰਦਾ ਆ
ਤੁਸੀਂ ਵੀ ਬੰਦ ਕਰ ਦੋ ਹੁਣ
ਪਤੀ – ok ਬੇਬੀ
ਤੂੰ ਕਹਿੰਦੀ ਆ ਤਾਂ ਬੰਦ ਕਰ ਦਿੰਦਾ ਆ
ਪਤਨੀ – ਤੁਸੀਂ ਕਿੰਨੇ ਚੰਗੇ ਓ
ਪਤੀ – ਮੈਂ ਫੋਨ ਕਰ ਦਿੱਤਾ ਆ
ਕੱਲ ਤੋਂ ਅਖਬਾਰ ਆਉਣਾ ਬੰਦ ਹੋ ਜਾਊਗਾ
ਪਤਨੀ – ਮਰ ਜਾ ਕੁੱਤੇ
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दोस्त बोला -बीवी से झगडा शान्त हुआ कि नही?
पति-अरे घुटनो पे चल के आई थी वो मेरे पास….
घुटनो पे….
दोस्त-क्या बात कर रहे हो
पति-और नही तो क्या
दोस्त-फ़िर क्या बोली भाभी जी
पति-वो बोली कि पलंग के नीचे से बाहर आ
जाऔ अब नही मारूगी
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Apparently there are disagreements of Zuma’s retirement package. They offered him $800,000 but he refused saying that he wants something with a million in it.
So they said how about half a million? He agreed!!
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Most guys will intentionally not put chairs in their rooms so that when a girl visits,she will have no other choice but to sit on the bed.These guys are called *Ministers of Strategic planning and Bedmatic affairs*
I just got fired for being their president
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*Good morning*
Moses did not contest for position of prime minister In Egypt. Mary didn’t even pray to be the mother of Jesus and Peter didn’t invite Jesus into his boat. But divine favour, mercy and grace of God located and found them all.
May divine favour meet you today in any aspect of your life, in Jesus name.
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Uthengele umuntu iCup ngeValentine, then two weeks later uyithole isiphakathi kwesaka leRice.
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DID YOU KNOW THE VIRUSES THAT KILL MARRIAGES?
· Laziness kills marriage
· Suspicion kills marriage
· Lack of trust kills marriage
· Lack of mutual respect kills marriage
· Unforgiveness kills marriage (Forgiveness is not optional but mandatory)
· Arguments kill marriage
· Keeping secrets from your spouse kills marriage
· Every form of infidelity kills marriage (financial, emotional, psychological, material, etc)
· Poor communication kills marriage
. Lies easily kill marriage, (be sincere to your spouse in every aspect).
· Relating more with your parents than your spouse kills marriage
· Nagging kills marriage
· Too much talk and careless talk kills marriage
· Spending less or little time with your spouse kills marriage
· Being too independent minded kills marriage
· Love for party, money and spending/partying kills marriage
· Exposing the inadequacies of your spouse to your parents or siblings or friends kills marriage
· Not being steadfast/fervent in the spirit kills not only marriage but your life
· Spurning correction and reprimand kills marriage.
· Always wearing a sad face and being moody kills marriage.
· FEMINISM ADVOCACY kills marriage.
· Uncontrolled or hot temperament kills marriage.
· Not understanding your role and position in marriage as instituted by God kills marriage.
· Not being sensitive to the spiritual, emotional and physical needs of your spouse kills marriage
· When anything threatens the position/security of a wife, her reaction(s) will be detrimental to her marriage.
· Lack of knowledge of the Word of God kills marriage.
Please, save a marriage today by sharing this.
May God bring healing to every troubled home and family.
Amen.
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