Rich Vampire: I will order fresh blood.

Ordinary Vampire: to me an order dinuguan.

Poor Vampire: Hot water only for me.

Waiter: why hot water only.?

Poor Vampire: I picked up a napkin at the corner.
I’ll have tea instead of tea… hahaha!

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Son: Mom, why is sister, Victoria name?
Mother: Son, because of our motel made him.
Son: is that brother? Toyota name?!
Mom: of course, in our car he did! Go to bed now!

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Sa isang Job Interview, may apat na babae ang mag-aaply bilang sekretarya at ang boss mismo ang nagtatanong. Unang pumasok si Linda.
Boss: A woman normally has lips on two different places. What is the different between the two ?
Linda: Ahh, yung isa mabuhok at yung isa hindi.
Boss: Ok good. Next !
-Pumasok si Norma.
Boss: A woman normally has lips on two different places. What is the different between the two ?
Norma: Yung isa, nakakapagsalita at yung isa hindi.
Boss: Oh, that’s better ! Next !
-Sumunod si Jona
Boss: A woman normally has lips on two different places. What is the different between the two ?
Jona: Yung isa po vertical at yung isa horizontal.
Boss: Hmm, that’s clever ! Ok, next !
-Sumunod si Maria na pumasok.
Boss: A woman normally has lips on two different places. What is the different between the two ?
Maria: Yung isa pangkain ko. At yung isa para sa boss ko.
Boss: Oh ! Your HIRED !

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V INTERVIEW✌✌
Interview:ano pong pangalan natin ?
V: v nalang ho ..
Interview:saan po kayo nakatira??
V:sa bahay lang poh ..
Interview:(gago to ah )..ah may tanong Lang PO ako Mr .V..
V:ano po yun???
Interview:kapag nag geget together kayo ng kaibigan nyu po ano ang ginagawa nyu ??..
V:nag gegetogether kami ng friends namin lumalabas kami ..kumakain::”PAG MASARAP ANG FOOD MASARAP DIN ANG KWENTOHAN ..HASSEL LANG TALAGA PAG MAY PANGINGILO ,MAY SUDDEN JOLT YOU HAVE INJURE THE PAIN .EVERY ONE KEEPS ASKING ME WHAT WAS WRONG..UHM .NIRECOMENDED NG DENTISTA KO NA GAMITIN KO DAW YUNG SENSODYNE.PARA MA REALIVE YUNG PANGINGILO KO .NA ENJOY KO NA TALAGA ANG PAG GETOGETHER NAMIN,WALA NG PANGINGILO.WALA NG PAIN NA NAG IINTERUP SA AMIN .NA EXCITE AKO DYAN ..!!.10 PESOS LANG ANG SACHET ??..10 PESOS LANG AH?!!..THATS GREAT NEWS!!THANK YOU ..
Interview:😶(tulala)..

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Tanong: Nakaka HIGH BLOOD ba ang kanin?

Sagot: Oo naman lalo na kapag walang ulam.

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Di porket sinabihan kang PAKBOY
eh cool ka na kaagad di ba pwedeng
MUKHANG RAPIST ka lang!

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3 uri ng WALIS.
-Pang walis sa Bakuran Tapat ng bahay nyo
-Pang walis sa loob ng bahay
-Pang HAMBALOS sayo ng Nanay mo..

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Dear baon,
Sana lumaki ka ngayong paparating na pasokan
Yan lang at maraming salamat.

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Dapat pala sa meralko nalang pinadaan ang ayuda
para siguradong mabibigyan lahat.

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Basahin mabuti sjdbalzcaddka383*-$!’18@-yzzevsi$;¥¥¶`°€^©℅©™℅~∆•×√∆π°€℅~=29%-“;djofbajxndk

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kapag binasa mo tnga ka

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JUAN: Dok, bakit pag umiinom ako ng coke sumasakit sikmura ko pero pag LIBRE hindi?
DOC: Normal yan.. MANIPIS ATAY mo at MAKAPAL MUKHA mo

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John:
Every day I am telling the lazy house
so I am also planning maglayas!
Max:
Why don’t you continue?
John:
I feel lazy!

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Boy: ang lamig siguro ng lips mo
Girl:(kinikilig) Bakit mo nasabi?
Boy:nagyeyelo kasi ngipin mo😂
Girl:😡😠😤😾😼

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Iba’t ibang uri ng jejemon:
Dati: hUehUe jEjEjE iK4w lUngZ!
Ngayon: “Lodi”, “Petmalu”, “Werpa”
German: Makfriz Frazen Kok, Makfriz Frazen Dalandanen.

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Juan: araw araw na lang sinasabi nila sakin na tamad daw ako, hindi daw ako tumutulong sa gawaing bahay… kaya araw araw din akong nagpaplano na maglayas…

Pedro: eh bat hindi mo tinutuloy ang paglayas??

Juan: tinatamad ako eh

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