Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math
problems when his teacher picked him to
answer a
question, “Johnny, if there were five birds
sitting on a
fence and you shot one with your gun, how
many
would be left?” “None,” replied Johnny,
“cause the rest would fly
away.” “Well, the answer is four,” said the
teacher, “but I like
the way you’re thinking.” Little Johnny says,
“I have a question for you. If there
were three women eating ice cream cones
in a shop,
one was licking her cone, the second was
biting her
cone and the third was sucking her cone,
which one
is married?” “Well,” said the teacher
nervously, “I guess the one
sucking the cone.” “No,” said Little Johnny,
“the one with the wedding
ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.

It was a practical session in the psychology
class.
The professor showed a large cage with a
male rat in it.
The rat was in the middle of the cage.
Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on
one side and kept a female rat on the other
side.
The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.
Then, the professor changed the cake and
replaced it with some bread.
The male rat ran towards the bread.
This experiment went on with the professor
changing the food every time.
And, every time, the male rat ran towards
the food item and never towards the female
rat.
Professor said: This experiment shows that
food is the greatest strength and attraction.
Then, one of the students from the back
rows said:
“Sir, why don’t you change the female rat?
This one may be his wife!”

That awkward moment when u are talking to a very handsome dude at a funeral then ur mom comes and say to u
“pour that samp in a plastic that’s dinner

Never force children to Pray.
At
dinner, …

A little boy was ordered to lead in prayer…:

BOY: But i dont know how to
pray.

DAD: Just pray for your family
members, friends and
neighbours, the poor, etc

BOY: “Dear Lord..”
he started

Thank u for our visitors and
their children, who finished all my cookies and ice
cream.

Bless them so they won’t come
again.

Forgive our neighbour’s
son, who always remove
my sister’s clothes and wrestle with her on her
bed.

This coming Christmas, please
send clothes to all
those poor naked ladies on my daddy’s Blackberry!

…and also provide shelter for the homeless men who use
mom’s
room when daddy is at work!

°°°AMEN°°°°

………Dinner was cancelled!

Don’t be selfish,
Please ‘share’ the fun!

Hahahaha

Nothing increases your blood pressure
than a Rich guy that wants your girlfriend

If i say I’m in Dubai and u happen to see me around…
then you’re also in Dubai

Once a Lawyer was travelling by train from Liverpool to Manchester.

When the train started, he realized he was traveling alone in the business class. A few minutes later, a beautiful lady came and sat in the opposite seat!

The lady kept smiling at him and eventually she sat next to him …. the lawyer kept bubbling with Joy.

She then leaned towards him and whispered in his ear … “Hand over all your cash, cards and mobile phone to me, else I will shout loudly and tell everybody that you are harassing and misbehaving with me”. The Lawyer stared blankly at her!!

He took out a paper and a pen from his bag and wrote “I am sorry, I can not hear or speak … Please write on this paper whatever you want to say”

The lady wrote everything that she had said earlier and gave it back to him!

The Lawyer took her note, kept it nicely in his pocket … got up and told her in clear tones …
*Now SHOUT & SCREAM!!!*

Moral of the story:

*DOCUMENTATION IS VERY IMPORTANT*

If you don’t know how to get your dealings documented, you better learn this 2018. Once your transaction is documented the Law of evidence vindicates you.

*Even if ur wife has two simcards,*
*Save them as wife, NOT wife1 and wife2*

This message is brought to you by a hospitalized husband.

Guy: Doctor, My girlfriend is pregnant but we always used double protection. Then, how is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.

“There was a Hunter who always carried a Gun wherever he went. One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died.

Guy:This is totally Nonsense. “Someone else must have shot the Lion”

Doctor: Good!!
Next patient please…have a lovely day

SON: “Tell me dad… what is the difference between
“POTENTIAL” and “REALITY”?”
DAD: ‘I will show you’
Dad turns to his wife and asks her:
‘Would you sleep with man for $5 million?’
WIFE: “Yes of course! I would never waste such an
opportunity!”
Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would again sleep with a man
for $ 5 million?
DAUGHTER: “Wow!!!!! Oh… Yes!”
So the father turns back to his SON and
says:
‘You see SON, “POTENTIALLY” we are sitting on $10 million,
but in “REALITY” ??………