Yesterday i Was in Town .. i Saw This Beautiful Girl Waving And i Waved Back , Well She Wasn’t Waving At Me But To This Guy Standing Next To Me 😓 So To Avoid The Awkwardness i Kept My Hand Up , The Taxi Stopped .. Now I’m in Lesotho Starting A New Life

Teacher : why are you late today?
Precious : yesterday we ate the chicken that used to
wake me up in the morning..

Dear Bae
Just because I don’t post your pics on social media, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. What if the police are looking for you?

You can’t spell menu without men,
that’s why it’s our duty to pay the bill

A side chick can make a guy forget about his main chick by saying: “Baby how many rounds can you handle today?” 😋👌
~•~•~•~
Salute the power a side chick has..!!

Have you ever looked at somebody’s really good looking and be like: “Nah, you too nice for me, you gonna give me stress..!”

I need a wife as crazy as I am.

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and we are both laughing cuz we forgot to pick our kids from school.

I Was Asked a Question by my Nephew why Married men cannot share their Problems and Frustration with their wives, .
I Told Him “You Cannot discuss Malaria with Mosquito”

Most of you are single now because you started dating at a very young age.. Now you’ve exhausted your dating bundle..

A coloured and black guy were watching animal planet and it was a show about the great white shark , the black guy says “This is unfair why do great things have to be white? Why cant we have a great black shark? “The coloured says”No man,why cant there be a great coloured shark? “The black guy turns amazed and says “Tjo, A shark with no teeth, thats wrong!

*My friend invited me to a wedding and while sitting I whispered to a person sitted next to me:*

*ME* the bride is ugly..
*PERSON:* if you dont mind, thats my daughter
*ME:* ooh am sorry I didn’t know you are the father..
*PERSON:* idiot am not the father, am the mother..
*ME:* heeeh

A woman who hides her phone from her husband is a CHEAT. A man who hides his phone from his wife is trying to protect the relationship. Full stop

Please do not argue with me, I am not feeling well

In secondary school, I was very poor in maths and chemistry. During exams, I’d get between 2% and 8%. The results used to be announced out from the lowest to the highest marks, So I would always be the 1st or 2nd to be called outcry.
One day,the maths results were being released and my name wasn’t among the first to be called out. The teacher got to 30s,40s,50s,60s and 70s. Still my paper had not been called out8). Everyone kept looking at me asking”Chris whats up? How did you fare?”And the teacher went on to the 80s And when he got to 88%, He had one paper remaining.
I then asked myself,could I have scored a 90% in maths? I was feeling very anxious and happy now that I knew I had proved the so called genius wrong.
Could I have gotten 88%? I thought my dreams have been answered……. .. The whole class was amazed as every one kept looking at me . It was unbelievable.
Finally the teacher looked up and said,”There is a cow that did not write its name on the paper that scored 0%.
If u have not received your paper come and get it now!
I FAINTED!

Guys I’m look job of Domestic… I can wash your garden, cook your kids and iron your husband I’m in know of my job.

*Teacher*: What do you do after school?
*1st Student*: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
*2nd Student*: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
*3rd Student*: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
*4th Student*: I always stay at home and do my homework.
*Teacher:* You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What’s your name?
*4th Student*: Yakobo
*Teacher*: Satan!