A hot secretary came angrily out Of boss cabin.
Her colleague asked: What Happened?
You went inside in a happy mood.
She replied: He asked me are you free tonight?
I said absolutely free.
That bastard gave me 45 pages to type!
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my friend says onion is only food
that can bring hotness to the eye
and I throw coconut on her forhead
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A girl by name Deepa went to school in the neighbouring village where she wasn’t known well.
For three weeks, she came to school late and every time the teacher punished her.
On the fourth week, Deepa didn’t attend school at all and many thought she had GIVEN UP on school due to the everyday punishment.
However, Deepa reported again on fifth week and this time she came earlier than everybody.
When the teacher came to class, Deepa was punished for not attending school the previous week but the teacher was also kind enough to commend her for coming early that day, stating that the punishments had finally yielded some results.
Just then, Deepa asked if she could say something and the teacher gave her permission.
She started :
” I’ve been raised up by a single mother without a brother or a sister. Five weeks ago, my mother fell ill and was hospitalized. The three weeks I came late, I had to prepare something for her every morning and pass by the hospital to deliver the same. Unfortunately, my mother passed away last week and that’s the reason I didn’t come to school. We buried her last Friday. Today I came early since I didn’t have to prepare anything or even pass by the hospital. And now that she is gone, I will always be here early”
As she sat down, no one in the whole class was able to hold their tears, the teacher was not spared either.
Lesson:
How many times do we judge others for things we know not ?
We ask questions like :
– Why you are not getting married?
– Why you are not having kids ?
– When will you find a job ?
– When will you buy a car?
– When will you build a house?
etc….
Do we attempt to understand their situations or we just judge from the case scenarios
Some situations are not relative and what we think could be very far from the truth.
Don’t assume you know what others go through or that people move in the same pace or direction as you.
Life is far from that..
Just be kind enough to love one another as God has commanded, take time and kindly find out why your friend is not phoning, why your messages are not being replied promptly, why someone is missing in our midst as a colleague, friend, brother or sister even why someone is always late.
Be kind, always…… Be nice to others.
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Today I accidentally licked ash from a braai stand… From now on you got to respect women who kiss men who smoke…
The thing tastes really bad.
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A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ‘Wow, this is great,’ he thought.
It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
“Hey,” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”
“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. “What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.
“Well,” one of them said. “You see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”
This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”
“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well.”
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. “Is there anything else you guys do?” he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
“There’s one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there, “he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. “They’re girls. We make love to them. Go and try it.”
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning s****ing his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys.
“That was fantastic,” he panted.
“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.
“I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.”
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised.
“Why? We thought you liked it here.”
“I do,” our friend replied. “But I must get back to the laboratory. I’m dying for a cigarette!”
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I called my friend yesterday night at 10.30 pm on phone, he said he was very busy, working on a special Project “Aqua Thermal treatment of Ceramics, Aluminium and Steel under a constrained environment”.
I was impressed.
Later I realized – he was washing dishes , under the supervision of his wife !!
*English is a Beautiful language !!!*
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A 7 year old daughter was looking at her mother’s voters ID card. A portion was written SEX:” F ” , she then started laughing until the mother asked why she was laughing. The girl said “I can’t believe you are so bad at sex that you even got an” F.” Now I understand why Daddy is always with the maid.?
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One morning A Lady is always in Church, wearing faded jeans, an old T-shirt and slippers. She comes to clean and arrange the seats, decorate and clean the pulpit whenever it is dirty. For six years, she never missed a single Saturday coming to clean the Church. One Saturday, a young man walked into the Church while she was still arranging the chairs. He went and sat down watching as the lady was working. He was impressed that a lady who looked quite beautiful even in the old clothes and a scarf over her hair could be so dedicated to her work in Church. He thought within himself that this was an unfortunate lady who probably had no one take care of her schooling and could probably be an orange seller or some petty trader struggling to make ends meet at the market stall. He watched and within his heart felt he knew what God wanted him to do. When he had felt a compulsion to come very early to Church, he had not understood but now he thought he did. He went back to his car and took out Naira notes. When the lady finished her work and was about leaving, he called her and commended her for her service and gave her the notes.
She respectfully declined the notes but he insisted pressing it into her hands. He asked if she lived close so he could go drop her. She thanked him and told him that her car was outside, but he did not understand what she had just said. He walked her out determined to find out all he could about this lady that God wanted him to help change her level. They walked out of the Church with him telling her where he worked and how God had asked him to come early to Church that day and how he believed God is directing him to help make a big difference in her life. He was so busy talking he had not realized they had walked directly to a BMW X6 2017 limited Edition parked under trees in the parking lot. The car made his one year old Benz look like a worn out wheelbarrow. The lady opened the driver’s door stepped in and handed over her card to the man and said, “I believe God sent you here for a purpose, but I do not think it was to change my level, most likely it was to change yours.” I am tempted to say it took a forklift to shut the young man’s mouth and move him from the place he was glued to as the lady drove off. God had a purpose for bringing him to Church that morning and that purpose was to teach him humility which he learned well. Many times we think so highly of ourselves that where God sends us to learn we go trying to teach. We always imagine ourselves as teachers, never as students. Oh,Lord teach us to be humble. God bless have a blessed week ahead
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Bra Solly walked in a bar and aggressively shouted his order to the barman.
“Please give me 250g steak and pap and give everyone 500g steak and pap because when I eat I want everyone else to eat as well!”
The barman gave him his meal and everyone else theirs. When they finished their meal he shouted another order.
“Give me a bottle of brandy and everyone else a bottle of whisky (johhnie walker black) because when I drink I want everyone to drink”.
Everyone was happy and they started singing Bra Solly’s praises saying SOLLY is the man!!
When Solly finished his drink he shouted again,
“Give me my bill and give everyone else their own bill because when I pay for my meal and drinks I want everyone to pay for theirs!”
Bra Solly will be buried this coming Saturday!
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Dear Auntie Dolly.
I’ve tried to be slim ,eating healthy foods,jogging but it doesn’t work at all.
Please help me.
Reply from Dolly
Just take your husband’s phone and go to what’s app messages you be slim.
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“A Bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an on coming truck,and everyone inside dies!”
Then they get to meet their Maker,and because of the grief they have experienced;He decided to grant them one wish each,before they enter Paradise.
They’re all lined up,and God asks the first one what the wish is?”
“I want to be Gorgeous,”and so God Snaps his fingers,and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says,”I want to be gorgeous too.”Another snap of his fingers and the wish is granted.”
This goes on for a while,but when God is half way the line,
The last gy in Line(Stix) starts laughing.when there are only 10 people left,Stix is busy rolling on the floor…laughing.”
Finally,God reaches the last person which was Stix and God asked him what his whish will be?
Stix calm down,and says,
.
.
.
.
.
“Make Them All Ugly Again!”
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“Nyaa was the only black man on a cruise ship that was about to sink.He was the toilet cleaner on that ship.
The white people looked among themselves for someone to pray but no one wanted to as everyone was scared!”
With tears in his eyes,the ship captain seddenly spotted Nyaa.He pointed his finger at him and shouted,”You! Pray For Us!”
Afraid,He would be punished for not listening,Nyaa agreed and started his prayer with confidence..
“Lord,as I was boarding this ship,it said “Whites Only!”
When I wanted to use the Bathroom,the sign said,”Whites Only!”
When I went to the Tables for food,it said,”Whites Only!”
So Lord, as this Ship is about to sink,I pray that the same rule apply..
“Amen!”
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Let the Lord be the centre of your life. Rest and trust in His favour, His wisdom, and His supply in all that you do. See Him and His grace in the midst of every troubling situation and you’ll see Him restore your family, relationships, and health to perfect wholeness (Col 1:17). God will give you what your heart desires when you delight in Him. Don’t carry weight that doesn’t belong on you, give it over to God. God has your back. Don’t stress out over how it’s all going to work out, trust God. Instead of saying, “Lord, why am I in this situation?” say, “Lord, how can I bring You glory in this situation?” When you begin to change your focus and get your eyes off of yourself and onto Him, that’s when you will begin to see solutions. “Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24 let’s you know that God has the answers to your problems before they even arise. Stop worrying and know that He has you in His hand. Your entire life is taken care of by the Creator of all things. I pray the peace of God over you, comfort and confidence in the name of Jesus
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I feel like I’ve changed , but not for the better it seems like I’ve just got worse
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I went to a restaurant …
All the couples were seated there and no place for me to sit
I took out my mobile, placed near my ear and said loudly –
Bro come fast to this restaurant, she is seating here with someone else.
9 girls stood and ran away ..
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I met a v smart Girl Richa practising as a lawyer , at the post office.
She was posting about 4 dozen cards.
I asked her what was the occasion?
She said that these were Valentine cards and signed as “Guess Who” and sent to all the married men in and around her society.
She said that last year she had posted about 2 dozen and was lucky to have about 4 divorce cases.
So this time she wanted to increase her business.
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