Me:its over.
Her: But you said only death could do us apart.
Me :We did not specify whose death will do us apart
anyway I just lost my granny, its over.

I put my grandmother’s phone on vibration,
and I told her that she need to buy
new ring tones,
now I have R250 with me just to buy her new ring tones.

relationship breakups doesn’t hurt much like
when ur crush see you on a taxi stop
waiting for your mom with a wheelbarrow…

Doctor to patient: How did you hurt yourself so badly?

Patient: I simply asked my wife, “where have you been?”

She replied: “To the beauty parlour”,

I just asked:”Was it closed?”

Wife – *I am Going out for 2 hours.
Do you want anything.*

Husband – *No, That’s enough.

Boy and girl in restaurant
Boy:I love you
Girl: I don’t love you
Boy: think again BBY
Girl: no no and no
Boy:Waiter bring separate bills📄📄 please
Girl:OK OK ……I love you too bby

First round….use condom
Second round….dont use condom
Third round…use condom
Forth round….dont use condom
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Thats how we confuse HIV!!!
Doing sex like that you cant get it. Try and thank me later

The only time a man can truly remember all the girls he has slept with,
is when he is waiting for his HIV TEST RESULT.

HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT PARTS OF SOUTH AFRICA.

Scenario 1:
Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That’s Polokwane.

Scenario 2:
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles.
Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in Cape Town, with dem coloured okes.

Senario 3:
Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together and beat him up.
That’s Durban.

Scenario 4:
two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a stand to sell tea and Magwinya.
“Welcome to Joburg”

A man is sitting next to a woman in who’s trying to breast-feed her baby in a bus.

The baby refuses to suck the breast & the mother warns, “If you don’t suck, i shall give it to the uncle next to me”.

The baby still refuses.

After about 20 mins, the woman repeats the ‘threat’.
The man clears his throat & says,

“Look, madam, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off six bus-stops ago…

Poor Old Guy
A man in his 50’s buys a beautiful pair of shoes on his way home from work. When he gets home he asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says no. At bed time he gets completely naked except for his new shoes and again asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says well let’s see you’ve got the same old useless cock hangin limp as usual.

He says look at where it’s “pointing”. I bought new shoes!

His wife then says “you should have bought a new hat!

Sitting next to you doing nothing means
absolutely everything to me.