I miss being at school, laughing at people who can’t read..! ☝

`Some Irritating Facebook status

●I love him💕
-(Why dont you tell him in his inbox?)😕

●Who wants to take me out for lunch?🍝🍔
-(Why dont you tell your family to take you out?)

●Off to bed
-(Haiboo are we the one having your blankets?)

●I need to Unfriend some people👥👫👬
-(Really?Grow up ,why did you add them in the first place?Did you tell us when accepting or adding them?)

●I am missing him
-(Who cares!)😕

●I am bored😵
-(I’d urge you to get a life)

●All men are the same😑😐😐
-(Who told you to try them all?)

●I am Quitting Facebook.
-(So what ?!😒You want us to cry?)

●I’m back guys,I missed you so much!
-(ohh please😒,We didn’t even notice you gone😪😴)

😒

If your bae says do whatever makes you happy
just know that you already have a replacement

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife’s teeth in by mistake and he couldn’t shut up… 😼

I was watching a Chinese movie, suddenly the actor started to cough.
I turned off TV, lets be careful 😏

Peter goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist
“Hello, could you give me con**m? I’m going to my girlfriend’s place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!”
The pharmacist gives him the con**m and as peter was going out he returns and says,”Give me another con**m because my girlfriend’s sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike a luck there too.” The pharmacist gives him a second con**m and as Peter was leaving again he turns back and says “Give me one more co***m because my girlfriend’s mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eye contact and since she invited me for dinner I think she is expecting me to make a move. During dinner,peter sat with his girlfriend on d left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the Dad walks in, Peter lowers his head and starts the dinner prayer.”Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all u’ve given us”.
Ten minutes after, peter was still praying “Thank you Lord for your kindness. ….”
Ten minutes go by, and peter is still praying, keeping his head down, very close to the table. They all looked at each other surprised, and his girlfriend was even more surprised than others. She gets close to him and whispered, “I didn’t know you were so religious.”Peter with his head still on the table replies, “I never knew your dad was the pharmacist!”

Thandeka I came to your place n heard you watching p**n,
so I went back coz I didn’t want to interrupt

I had a couple of jokes about unemployed people,
but none of them really worked

Behind every angry women stands a man
who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong!

Absolutely devastated.
A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

A woman was at a job interview. The interviewer noticed a four year gap in her resume and asked what she was doing at that time. The woman replies,
“Oh, I was in Yail.”
The interviewer is impressed and tells her she’s hired.
The woman says, “So I got the yob??”
“Yob?” The interviewer asks.
“Yeah, yob.
So…

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings several times until one of the men engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello?”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only R1500. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2012 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “R450000”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking R950000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to Sable Hills, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, … then 155, … Suddenly he thought, “I’m too old for this nonsense !” So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before, why you were speeding… I’ll let you go.”

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- “Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.” !!!

The Cop left saying, ” Have a good day, Sir “…

I was out getting a walk last night when a policeman stopped me and said, “I want you to go straight home.” “I can’t.” I said. “Why not?” Ha asked. “Because I live round the corner.” 😼