After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in
here.’ One of the Staff passed out.

People Who Write “Thanks for accepting
my friend request” Have Been Through A
lot In Life.
There’s No Way You Can Be This Humble

Side chicks are young girls between the
ages of 16-22.So if you are 23yrs and
upwards dating a married man,my sister
you are a side hen,ostrich,peacock,turcky
and any other grown bird*

Imagine Being Killed By A Disease 😓
That You Can’t Even Pronounce It Name

My sister when your rent is due then; Boom!
Your sugar daddy dies. I swear you will cry
more than his wife

Little Nya: ‘Mum, today in the bus Dad asked me to give up a seat to a lady.’
Mother: “That was a great gesture son, thats what real gentlemen do”.
Nya: “…but mum I was sitting on Dad’s lap”

A couple received a letter from their daughter who
went to study modern physics overseas, the letter
read: “My beloved Parents, I miss you so much
and it breaks my heart to think that by the time I
get back you’ll be too old. So enclosed you’ll find a
bottle of potion I have invented. It will make you
young, so when I return you’ll be the same age as
I left you. NOTE: Please take only a drop” So they
opened the envelope and in it there is a bottle
with a red potion. the man looked at the wife and
says: “You go first.” (typical of men!) So the wife
takes a drop thereafter, the husband follows.
Indeed the wife turn five years younger. Years
later the daughter returns home to find her
mother young and pretty, carrying a baby on her
back. The mother proceeds to tell her daughter
how the potion worked and made her look young.
The daughter was delighted and asks after her
dad. MOTHER: Your father? Hmm, my child, your
father was so jealous that I was so young and
beautiful so he drank the whole bottle.
DAUGHTER: What? So where is he? MOTHER:
Hahaha, who do you think is the baby on my
back?

POLITE REMINDER

Anyone who wants to have a baby in 2018 tonight is the last night

Best Regards

Every girl is beautiful..
sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.

Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

The man replies, “And how would you do that?”

The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”

The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”

The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”

The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

when your Girlfriend post her photo on Facebook asking people how she looks like, my brother just buy her a mirror. We are here for real business. If she is your wife, Big Bros tell her to stop advertising Goods that is not for sale .