One Day A Man Was Driving Fast, And He Got Pulled Over By A Police Officer.

Officer: “What’s Your Excuse For Going Over The Speed Limit?”

Man In Hurry: “I’m Sorry Officer, But It’s A Matter Of Life And Death”

Officer: “What Do You Mean”

Man: “You See Officer, There’s A Woman Waiting For My At My House And I Have To Go To Her”

Officer: “That’s Not A Death Matter”

Man: “It Will Be, If My Wife Gets There First“

A Man Was Going In His Ferrari Suddenly Had An Accident.

The Car Was Totally Wrecked But Some How The Man Was Safe.

Policemen Arrives

Man Cried: “Officer, My Brand New Car.”

Officer: “You Are Such A Materialistic Sir, You Even Haven’t Notice That Your Left Arm Has Been Cut Off.”

Man Looks At His Left Arm And Yells: “Oh My God! My Rolex Watch.“

Dress Code For A Party Is “Black Ties Only“.

Santa Goes For The Party & Is Surprised To See That The Other Guests Are Wearing Suits Also.

Mom : go Wash The Fish That I Brought From The Market
Me : Woah WTF!!!!!
Mom : What That Means
Me : Where’s The Fish

Whether it’s Green, Red or Yellow…
It’ll always be Green Pepper To Me

Snoring is a gift.. Not
everybody can sing while
Sleeping.

C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping…

Research shows that birth control pills and condoms are 2nd and 3rd most effective methods of controlling population growth . School Fees continues to be No. 1

A teacher asked her class
“What is sex?”
Johnny got up and said:
“Sex is a ​​ *temptation* ​​,
caused by a ​​ *sensation* ​​
where a boy sticks his ​​ *location* ​​
into a girl’s ​​ *destination* ​​
to increase the ​​ *population* ​​
of the next ​​ *generation* ​​.
Did you get my ​​ *explanation* ​​?
Or do you need a ​​ *demonstration* ​​?
The teacher fainted

Boss asks Jonas, Jonas how do you get it right for 30 years of bringing me coffee every morning without spilling it?

Jonas’s answer, before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.

Jonas’s funeral is Monday.

Today I woke up missing Nelson Mandela.
Can someone please borrow me a R200 note, just to see the old man’s face. I’ll bring it back month end

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.

The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.

*Her husband*: The cat just died.
*She* (bursting into tears) : How could you be so blunt? Why couldn’t you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing.
By the way, how is my mom?

*Husband*: She is playing on the roof. !