A Drunk man is stopped by the Police around 1 AM & is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health.”
*Police:* Really….??? Sounds interesting… Who is giving that lecture at this time of night???
*Man replies*, “My wife!!!”
WOMAN: My Husband is not interested in sex
DOCTOR: Okay, Give these pills to him.
Everyday,put one pill in his tea.
The woman did and they had sex which she really enjoyed.
Next day she thought to herself “It can only get better”
and puts two pills in his tea and they enjoyed more sex.
On the third day, she emptied the whole bottle in his tea.
Two days later doctor called to know the progress.
Their son answered, “My ass is very sore,
Mommy is in coma at the moment,
Aunty is in hospital, the maid is suing dad for rape and
daddy is still running naked in the garden, shouting Bingo! Bingo!!Bingo!!!
Even the dogs are running for their lives.”
When you lock the door to kill a snake and electricity goes off my friend thats when you realize that the devil is using your life to test the new version of temple run.
I’m A Cheater,
But I Don’t Cheat Humanity.
.
I Hate Studies,
But Luv Technology.
.
I Flirt Wid Flirters,
But I Respect Lovers.
.
World Can’t Change Me,
But I Can Change Da World.
.
I Don’t Have Books In Hand,
But I Have Revolutionary Ideas In Mind.
.
I’m Da Rarest Race On Earth..
Meet Me
I’m A Last Bench Student!!!!
Share itttt back benchersss ♥
Apparently there are disagreements of Zuma’s retirement package. They offered him $800,000 but he refused saying that he wants something with a million in it.
So they said how about half a million? He agreed!!
`THIS IS A KILLER“`🀄
This is how I stopped dating school girls:
She came to my place in a school uniform, looked into my eyes and said, “Sweetheart, I have missed my periods.” That’s when I fainted and woke up in a hospital. I overheard her telling the nurse that, “I didn’t know he cared so much about my school life, all I wanted to tell him was that, I had missed my periods for Maths and English, *(so that I could find time for him)*
but he fainted before I could finish.”
!!!!!!GONE TOO SOON!!!!!!
It is my great sympathy to inform u about the death of our beloved friend and well known gentleman called Mr. 2017 he survived with 12 wives(months), 52 children(weeks) and 365 grand children (days). funeral will take place on Sunday 31st December at 23 59 hrs for more information contact pastor January on phone number 01 01 2018 have a wonderful festive SEASON……….
A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.
The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”
The frog asks for the good news first.
The fortune teller says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart.”
“That’s great!” says the frog. “But what’s the bad news?”
“Well, you’re going to meet her in Biology class.
One day a wife tested the husband n write a letter says “honey I m gone sorry for wasting your tym go on with your life “,she put the letter on a table n hide under the bed .The husband comeback from work he read that …after he pretend as if he’s calling sum1” hi sweetie that stupid woman she gone for gud now let’s meet up on the bus stop to celebrate “he drop n take pen to write again on that letter and go out ,she come out under the bed ,she take that letter 2 see what did the husband wrote n she was angry she read…” Hey u stupid woman cum out …what r u doing under the bed I saw ur legs,I m out 2 buy bread make faster n cook for m don’t play lyk a child “
Married for 30year and
she hasn’t killed me yet
Reality Of Human Society
Cigarettes,
Lighters,
And Matchboxes,
Have Connected More People Than “Nokia” Has.
People with iPhones can’t send music. They just send a screenshot of them listening to the song. What must we now do? Beatbox!?😒
Imagine you dating a Guy who can’t make you smile🙄. Ask yourself something my sister, are you dating an exam paper? 🤔
I wanted to suggest that when one of us in this App is sick, we can go n visit the person with 1 bag of Rice, 3 chickens, 1 ltr of cooking oil, Dollar 200 air time and cash of Dollar 500 If we all agree to my sugggestion we can start tomorrow, am not feeling well… I am feeling body pains all over.
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: “I built a big house for our mother.”
The second said: “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third said: “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. “William,” she said, “the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
“Arnold,” she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He’s a pain!”
“But David,” she said, “the chicken was delicious!”
A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.
The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
*Her husband*: The cat just died.
*She* (bursting into tears) : How could you be so blunt? Why couldn’t you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing.
By the way, how is my mom?
*Husband*: She is playing on the roof. !
