ANNOUNCEMENT MAY DARATING NA LINDOL NGAYONG FEB.14 HINDI SA LUPA KUNDI SA MOTEL/KABAHAYAN YAN MARAMING BABAE ANG MAWAWASAK ANG LAKAS PO NG LINDOL AY 6.9 SA KAMA KAYA MENTIONED MUNA YUNG MAY KILALA NIYO DAPAT HIGPITAN NILA ANG PANTY AT BRA SALAMAT.😂
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Lebo:Does this shirt make me look fat?
Tebza:No, it’s the fat that makes u look fat
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Friend or love?
B1-, buddy, I have a problem.
B2- What is it, buddy?
Yehey, my wife is fighting for a fight.
B2-, what are you fighting for?
B1- He chose me if a friend or love.
B2, so friend you chose because you’re here? 😁😂😃😄
B1- Not pre love I chose.
I love you, buddy
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Nanay: Anak, linisan mo tong isda.
Toto: Nanay naman! Ako.na lang palagi! Tsk. WTF!
Nanay: ano kamo? What the f*ck?
Toto: Hindi po. Sabi ko. Where’s The Fish!”
Hahaha
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INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the
following
circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its
master.
b. The moment Julie G. starts unbuttoning her
blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The
Crying Game”.
e. When she is using her teeth.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party
may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours,
his sister is off limits forever unless you actually
marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in
a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at
will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall
never be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.
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Umona
US’thole kwakuyindoda ezihluphekelayo. Kwathi ngolunye usuku yakhetha ukuthandaza.
Ithi “Nkulunkulu ngiyahlupheka ngicela ungiphe nje okuhle.”
Nangampela uzwakale umthandazo wakhe kuNkulunkulu.
Amphendule u Nkulunkulu athi, “Cela noma yini oyifunayo, kodwa yazi ukuthi kukho konke ozokucela, ngizonika nomakhelwane wakho kuphindwe kabili.
Avume uSthole
Nangampela acabange ukucela imoto, abuke ukuthi umakhelwane uzoba nezimbili. Ayeke!
Acabange ukucela ibus, abuke ukuthi umakhelwane uzoba namabili.
Ayeke!
Acabange ukucela uR5 million we lotto, abuke ukuthi umakhelwane uzoba no R10 million.
Ayeke!
Athule, ecabange ukuthi angacelani nje.!
Abe esethi “Nkulunkulu ngicela ungikhiphe ihlo ( iso )elilodwa. Ezwakale esethi usuyokwenza njalo ke nakumakhelwane.
Ngikhuluma ngomuntu onomona akakwazi ukucela into ezomsiza ngoba ubheka ukuthi nomakhelwane wakhe uzoba nakho. Uncamela ukuphuma iso ngenxa yokuthi nomakhelwane awakhishwe omabili awakhe amahlo.
Akaphumeleli umuntu onomona kunalokho ulahlekelwa ilokho anakho.
Qaphela umona shlobo sami namhlanje!
Ungahlali nale msg idlulisele nakwabanye.
Ubaxwayise ngomona ungasizakali wedwa ngoba wangaydlulisa uzobe unomona sengzohlala phasi ngdedele ofakazi wangafakaza ngalendaba kyobe unomona ngcela inkosi ibusise enikzwile amen
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”Babaho-baho”
Inspired by: Titibo-tibo , Moira Dela Torre
Elementary palang napapasin na nila
Ang amoy kong parang hindi pambabae, e kasi imbes na maligo ginagawa ko Lang ay wisik
Tapos Kajamming Ko noon maruruming pulube sa amin
Nung akoy mag highschool ay napabarkada sa badjao Pati sa taong grasa na hanap din ay pagkain
Sa halip na panligo bitbit ko ay basura
Tapos pormahan ko lagi ay maruming gutay gutay na bestida Pero noong nakilala kita, nagbagong lahat aking timpla natutu na ako magsipilyo, magsabon at maligo least once a month
Hindi ko alam kung anung meron ka Na sa akin ay nagpabago bigla sinong mag-aakalang lalaki pala Ang bibihag sa tulad Kong dilag na damak
Kahit akoy babaho-baho
Puso ko ay babaho-baho pa rin sa’yu Isang halik mo lamang at akoy nababanguhan At aking pagkababae ay nababanguhan Na parang bulaklak na namumukadkad Dahil alaga mo sa PH care at katamtaman punas ng araw-araw mong paglihug
Sa aking body, nagpapabango Noong tayoy nag college ay saka ko lamang binigay ang matamis na oo Sampung buwan mong trinabaho sa halip tsokalate at tipikal na mga diskarte
Nabihag moko sa mga sabon at sa tutpeyst na tig-dodose
Kaya nga noong makilala kita
Alam ko na mayroong himala
Natutu akung magshampoo at napadalas ang pagspray ng down’y ng kulay pula
Pero ‘di mo nman inasam na ako ay bumabangong tuluyan para patunayang walang mabahu na pante sa mala-ariel mong uri ng pagmamahal
Kahit akoy babaho-baho
Puso ko ay babaho-baho pa rin sayo
Isang halik mo lamang at akoy napapatutbras
At aking pagkababae ay nababanguhan
Na parang bang bulaklak na namumukadkad
Dahil alaga mo sa PH care sa katamtaman punas ng araw-araw mong pang hilod
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NBA ka ba??? Kasi khit MIAMI akong ginagawa.CAVS DALLASan ikaw parin ang laman ng pusot isip ko.khit habulin pako ng.RAPTORS AT GRIEZZLIES kagatin ng..TEMBERWOLVES at kalmutin ng BOBCATS.khit pasabugan man ako ng ROCKETS tamaan ng THUNDER masunog sa SUNS at matunaw sa BLAZERS magtawag kaman ngWIZZARDS at ako’y e MAGIC kaya ko paring maging..WARRIORS.ng puso mo o teka teka time SPURS muna.. napansin ko lng yung CLIPPERS mo bagay pla sayu.pati mata ng HAWK ay mabubulag sa kagandahan mo..pasensya na kung mahaba-haba ang banat ko may CELTICS narin kse yung utak ko ee..biruin mo 76ERS na ang lumipas pero ikaw parin ang nasa isipan ko..BULLS eye na kse sa puso ko at sa pag ibig ko coz your JAZZ may one and only..ganyan ka LAKERS ang tama ko sayo ohh ano NUGGETS mo ba? yung wala wag ng hanapin
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Juan : pare sabay n tayong pumasok .
Pedro: oo sige pre .
Juan: mukang masarap yang baon mo aa .
Pedro: oo pre adobong baboy.
_kinuwa ni Juan ang baon ni Pedro.
Pedro: pre akina yang baon ko .Balik muyan …
Juan: babalik kulang to pg nasagot mo Tanong ko.
Pedro: oo sige Basta babalik muyan ha .
Juan : oo Basta Tama ha
Perdo: ok Sige ano Tanong mo.
Juan: 1+1
Perdo: 2
Juan:galing aa ! 2+2
Pedro:4
Juan : galing talaga aa! 4+4
Pedro:5
Juan: hahahahahahaha😂😂😂
Perdo: bkit k natawa????
Juan : kala ko kc hnd mo alam ee ! Ito n baon moh..
_hahahaha
👑
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Dear Charo,
A lot of hands have moved to my
Body. Many and different saliva have i tasted. A lot of mouth came and licking me. BUT IT DOESN ‘ T
Nangangahulogan I lost my
Dignity.
Highly respectfully.
” Spoon ‘
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ANAK: tatay diba po nagtrabaho kau s ibang bansa?
TATAY: oo anak s GERMANY, bakit?
ANAK: edi meron po kaung alam na german n salita?, turuan mo po ako.
TATAY: cge anak, mag tanong k sasagutin ko,
ANAK: ahhhmm anu po s german ang “chocolate”
TATAY: mdali yn nak “VanHouten”
ANAK: wow tay tunog plang masarap n ahh, ehh ang “Lalake “?
TATAY: MayoHten
ANAK: (yah parang bastos) pabulong ng anak.. eh ang “Matandang Dalaga”?
TATAY: AyauZa oHten
ANAK: haha ang galing nmn. ang “Matandang Lalake”?
TATAY: LaulaW oHten
ANAK: “Biyudang Babae”?
TATAY: ZabikZa oHten
ANAK: “Madre”?
TATAY: TaQotZa oHten
ANAK: “Pari”?
TATAY: VigonG oHten
ANAK: “Buntis”?
TATAY: DaHill ZaOhten
ANAK: ehh “Nanganak na”?
TATAY: eh di BaliC Zaohten
ANAK: “si Mayweather”
TATAY: MukHang oHten
ANAK: “Tomboy”?
TATAY: WalanG oHten
ANAK: “Bakla”?
TATAY: SipZip ohten
ANAK: “Walang Magawa”?
TATAY: ZalSal ohtenh
ANAK: “Pokpok”?
TATAY: saWaZa ohten
ANAK: “Amerikano”?
TATAY: Haabah ohten
ANAK: “Hapon”
TATAY: iKcii ohten
ANAK: “Arabo”?
TATAY: hehe, Vaho Ohten
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Tindero: Bili na po kayo kurtina.
Pare: pabili nga ng kurtina nyo. Yung pang computer ah.
Tindero: wala naman pong pang computer na kurtina eh. Bat nyo po ba ilalagay sa computer?
Pare: may windows kasi yung computer ko eh.
Tinder:….
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The story behind “ladies first”:
Long ago, a man ‘n woman were madly in love.They wanted to get married but their parents didn’t approve.So they decided to kill themselves.They thought the best way to do it was to leap off a cliff…The man couldn’t bare to see his sweetheart fall before him.. so he convinced her he would go first, and he jumped..
.
.
.
.
.
But that bitch never did..
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If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
If he does not love you anymore, what do u think can make him start re-loving you?
There is only LOVE in the Dictionary, no “RE-LOVING”
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.”You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
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A wife wakes up in the middle of the night and starts applying her makeup right there in bed…… Husband stares at her and asks “Have you lost your mind ?” She Replies “I need to unlock my phone, it’s on face recognition and it doesn’t recognize me”.
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A very wealthy man had a Birthday party and he invited everyone in his town. In his Mansion, he had a big pool filled with alligators. So he announced that anyone who was able to swim across the pool and come out unharmed would be granted three wishes.
Immediately, there was complete silence, nobody wanted to risk his or her life. All of a Sudden, there was a big splash and Akpos was swimming like hell! He successfully came out alive.
He was then given a round of applause. Everyone was anxious to know what gave Akpos the courage to do it, but then, the host asked, “What are your three wishes?”
Akpos replied, “Give me a shotgun, 3 rounds of shells (bullets) and show me the idiot who pushed me inside the Pool!.”
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