BF : Ui !
GF : Nakakainis ka na !
BF : Ha bakit ?
GF: Ui na lang ba ang lagi mong itatawag sa’kin ha ?!
BF: Oo naman. Ang ganda kaya !
GF: Bakit ba kase ”Ui” napagtripan mong itawag sa’kin ?!
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BF : ‘Coz “U” and “I” sounds perfect when they are together ! :”
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USAPANG LASING: IMBENSYON amerikano: nakagawa ako ng isang barko chinese: bale wala yan. ikiskis ko lng yan sa puwet ko! ako nakagawa ako ng eroplano japanese: lalong bale wala yan. ikiskis ko lng yan sa puwet ko! ako nakagawa ng robot. May artificial intelligence pa. amerikano:ikaw pilipino anung na imbento mo? pilipino:simple lang, pero mas mahusay na imbento. kudkuran ng nyog. Sige nga, subukan nyong ikiskis sa puwet nyo! magkasugat sugat pa kayo!
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Years na mag-on si BF at GF pero di pa sila
nagse-s*x. Pareho silang virgin at matagal
ng namimilit si bf na mapagbigyan siya ni
gf…
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Sa Phone . . .
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Bf: Hello babe. Anung plano natin mamaya?
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Gf: Inimbitahan ka nila nanay at tatay
maghapunan sa bahay.
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Bf: Tapos?
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Gf: Pagkatapos nun, pagbibigyan ko na ang
kahilingan mu.
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Bf: Yes. KakaExcite.
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Gf: Hehe. Sige basta mamaya pumunta ka
na lang sa bahay bandang 7PM.
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. . . Pagkababang pagkababa nila ng
telepono.
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. . . Nagbihis agad si bf upang tumungo sa
mercury drug para bumili ng proteksyon. . .
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Bf: Boss anu ba dabest na proteksyun?
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TINDERO: Mukhang excited ka iho ah.
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Bf: Opo. First time ko po kasing makakatalik
gf ko mamaya.
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TINERO: ah ito ang gamitin mu. Ilan ba?
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Bf: Limang box na po. Mukhang
makakadame ako eh.
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TINDERO: Hehe. Ok. Goodluck sayo
mamaya.
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. . . Kinagabihan, tumungo na si bf sa bahay
ni gf…
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Gf: Hi. Excited na kong makilala ka nila
nanay at tatay.
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. . . Dinala ni gf si bf sa dinning area kung
saan naroroon na at nakaupo ang kanyang
magulang.
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Pagkaupong pagkaupo, yumuko si bf,
pumikit at sinabing. . .
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Bf: Tayo’y magdasal.
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. . . 30 minutes nang nakayuko si bf at hindi
gumagalaw kaya kinalabit siya ni gf at
bumulong…
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Gf: Hindi ko alam relihiyoso ka pala.
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Bf: Hindi ko rin kasi alam na tindero pala sa
mercury ang tatay mo 😧😓😫
Hahaha huli kah
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Tatay:Anak may tanong ako 1+1=___??
Anak:Tay hindi ko po alam…
Tatay:hay naku anak papatayin ka ng kabobohan mo…
Anak:Tay,pag nakakita po kayo ng 500 tsaka 1000 sa daan alin po pupulutin nyo??
Tatay:syempre yung 1000…mas malaki ang halaga non
Anak:hay naku tay papatayin ka ng katangahan mo…pwede naman pulutin yung dalawa
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My girlfriend found a lipstick in my pocket.
I personally admitted that I am cheating….
I can’t tell her am selling Avon.
I want to eat my money in peace
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Grabe! Naalala ko tuloy nung binigyan ako ng tatay ko ng pera pambayad ng kuryente. Pero nagamit ko ung pera at bumili ako ng Raffle ticket para sa isang BRAND NEW na kotse. Pag uwi ko sa bahay, pinaliwanag ko sa tatay ko na nagastos ko ung pera. Galit na galit at Ginulpi ako ng tatay ko. Iyak ako ng iyak, pero Kinabukasan pagka gising ng tatay ko. Pagka bukas nya ng pinto. Meron isang BRAND NEW na kotse sa tapat ng Bahay namin. umiyak kaming buong Pamilya lalong lalo na ako, kasi ung Brand new na kotse ay galing meralco sa may ari ng kuryente, puputulan na pala kami ng Kuryente. Ginulpi ulit ako ng tatay ko
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Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
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April 1 is named FOOL’S DAY, after Clive
April. He was born on 1st April 1579 . He
did 105 businesses in his lifetime. He lost
all his father’s assets and so everyone
started calling him father of the fools.
At 19, he married a 61-year-old woman
who divorced him after a year because of
his foolishness.
He used to read all kinds of fake stories like
you are doing now.
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An inspirational speaker said: “The best
days of my life were The Days I spent In The
Arms Of another man’s wife”
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The audience was
shocked
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Then he quickly added:
“She was my mother”.
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A big round of applause
and laughter followed.
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An adventurous man in the audience later
decided to try this at home.
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After dinner he told
his wife: “You know, the best days of my life
were the days I spent In The Arms of
another man’s wife”.
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But he couldn’t quickly recall the follow-up
line.
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By the time he regained
consciousness, he was on a hospital bed
recovering from burns of boiling water!
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just Imagine being a lesbian you wait the whole week
for your partner to finish her periods
When she finish you start yours
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Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and dont pay at10tion,
theyll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, theyll be 3.
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I hate it when i tell people that i will be back in 10minutes
and they keep calling me every 20 minutes…
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Bae: Really?,U Just slept With My Friend?
Me: No Babe… We Did It While STANDING.
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Imagine fighting with another woman over your
“Man”then boom there are five more to go and
thats when you will realise that
you have a tournament..
Stay strong my sister..
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Church is the best place to go after a break up.
You’ll be in the crowd crying and everybody
will be thinking you caught the Holy Spirit
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W A R N I N G
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Please share this important warning with all your circles if you truly care.
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Drinking and driving is extremely dangerous. Last night evening, a friend of mine while drinking and driving, put his arm out of the window to indicate that he was turning right and someone grabbed his beer and ran away
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