Ladies, , word of advice
Get married to a man that is way older
than you .. So that by the time you start
losing your beauty and shine, he will also
be losing his eye sight.
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I helped my cute neighbour to carry a 20
litre container full of water up to the 4th
Floor. She was like “Tanks a lot… just put it
down by the door. My boyfriend is inside,
he will come and take it in!!!”
I made a u-turn and took it back
downstairs..
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Whites:its so expensive
Blacks:I will come back tomorrow
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I saw someone withdraw cash and then left the ATM without counting the money……
South Africans we are losing our culture now
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what is happiness ….
happiness is when ur ex is dating some1 u can draw wit ur left hand
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I want to know that New Company called “Not Yet working”
it must be a good paying one because lot of people are working there
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I need your advice?.
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Last night my side chick called me and asked
me to come over her place for a night, …well
i didn’t hesitate since i had days without
seeing her, ..as i was on my way she asked
me to buy a 2kg of mixed portion which i
did, .i got there around 19:00 then she
immediately took out 4 pieces from the
braaipack and started cooking, ..i was so
excited thinking meaning 2 pieces is for me
and the other 2 is for hers since i was also
hungry, ..we then sat at a couch patiently
waiting for the food to be cooked, …while
we were still waiting she received a call
from her baby daddy telling her his on his
way, .i was so angry and disappointed as
she asked me to leave,but as a gentleman
that i am i didn’t start a fight or anything of
sort, .i just stood up and went straight to
the fridge and took out the remaining half
of the braaipack then went to the stove and
pick up those 4 pieces in the pot and drank
the soup then left, .. so she’s now not taking
my calls No reply to my text and this silence
is eating me inside!.
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Was i wrong?
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A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home
and found her bathing. since he was blind, she
let him in. After bathing, she came out naked
with her legs spread and started shaving in front
of him and tried to make a conversation by
asking him, brother John, what brings you here?
Is everything OK at home? He replied, yes o, very
fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye
surgery and I can see very clearly now
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Habang namamasyal si Juan sa mall, naisip n’ya munang dumaan sa cr para mag-boom boom (dumumi).
Pagpasok n’ya ng cubicle, biglang may nagsalita sa kabilang cubicle…
Pedro: Pare! Kamusta na?
Juan: (sumagot) Ayos lang pare, ikaw ba?
Pedro: Nako! Malaki na inaanak mo!
Juan: Talaga? Nakakatuwa naman. Ilang taon na?
Pedro: Matagal na kaming hiwalay nun.
Juan: Nino? Nung inaanak ko ba pre?
Pedro: Iniwan ko na s’ya.
Juan: Ha? Bakit? Kawawa naman yung bata.
Pedro: Hello, Pareng Gaston? Mamaya nalang ulit ako tatawag ha, may paepal kasi dito, sagot ng sagot e, hindi naman kinakausap. Bye.
Hahaha. Badtrip. Pahiya e.
LESSON LEARNED: ‘Wag assuming. Hahaha.
Kayo anu ang napulot niyu sa kwentu palupitan kayo
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Nanay: O anak, dumating kana pala, kumain kana diyan, may ulam diyan sa mesa, pumili ka na lang…
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(Binuksan ang plato na natakpan at nakita niya ang isang pirasong TUYO!)
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Gorio: Nay, sabi mo pumili na lang ako, bakit tuyo lang naman ang nandito???
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Nanay: Oo nga, pumili ka na lang kung kakain ka o hindi!hehe
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Attorney: Nasaan ka ng mangyari ang rape?
Witness: Sa maisan po!
Attorney: Anong gingawa mo dun?
Witness: Tumatae po!
Attorney: Ilang hakbang ka mula sa krimen?
Witness: Pucha naman attorney! Meron bang tumatae na pahakbang-hakbang?
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After a good night:
White ladies: Thanks a lot dear it was a marvelous nyt.
Black ladies: eishhhh umuntu nxa esuka lapha mele ayedlula eSalon.
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MUMMY! MUMMY!!!
little Nyaaa rushed to his mother and told her excitedly, “Mummy, Mummy! Come quickly! There is a strange man playing with the house maid in her room! And they are both naked”
His mother stood up in anger, “In my house?! Is this girl crazy?! God! If Nyaa is saying the truth, I’m going to kill this girl today!”
She stormed down the hall to confront the maid but when she got to the door, Nyaa, who had been trying to play a joke on his mum screamed with glee, ”
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AprilFools Mum! It’s only daddy playing with the housemaid !”
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A researcher from the University of Oxford discovered that a woman speaks out 7000 words a day whilst a man speaks out 2000 words. So, if your wife starts shouting at yu just keep quiet, she is aiming to reach her daily word target.
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An Aeroplane cleaner was cleaning
the pilot’s cockpit when he saw a
book titled, “HOW TO FLY AN
AEROPLANE FOR BEGINNERS.
Volume 1
He opened the 1st page which said: “To start the engine,
press the red button..” He did
so, and the airplane engine
started.. He was happy and
opened the next page…: “To get the airplane moving, press the blue button..” He did so and the plane
started moving at an amazing
speed… He wanted to fly, so he
opened the 3rd page which said:
“To let airplane fly, please press
the green button..” He did so and the plane started to fly…He was excited…!!
After 20 minutes of
flying, he was satisfied and
wanted to land so he decided to
go to the 4th page… and page 4
says; “To be able to know how to land a plane, please purchase
Volume 2 at the nearest book shop! ”
He will be buried tomorrow.
never attempt anything without complete information
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A woman who hide her phone from her husband is a cheat. The man who hide his phone from his wife is trying to protect the relationship.
Please do not argue with me, I am not feeling well
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