The Best Way To Smuggle Drugs Is To Place Them Up A Dog’s Ass.

That Way, Even If The Sniffer Dog Suspects Anything,

The Officials Will Think It’s Just Horny.

Niggas with no beards should have a
meeting and discuss their gender

The amount of lipstick some guys have
swallowed in the name of kissing is
enough to paint two local governments
schools

I don’t think you will stop laughing at this
one..??
A man ordered for a voice automated robot
car that does anything he tells it to do
correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on
errands. He became very proud of what the
car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him
to tell the car to go and pick the children
from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car…
Car, go and bring my children from school.
The car went and didn’t return in time as
expected, they knew something must be
wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man
became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a
report at the police station.
As he and his wife stepped outside they saw
the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and
said… “These are your children sir..!”
In the car were their Landlady’s two
daughters, his wife’s best friend’s daughter,
his secretary’s son and their neighbours
two sons.
The Wife in full anger…
Don’t tell me all these are your children..??
The man asked her calmly…
First you tell me why our children are not in
the car..??

When I was in school, I used to ask a lot of questions….!!
One Day I asked Ms. Doris, our English teacher:”
Why do.we ignore some letters in pronunciation. eg the letter….’H’…….in Hour, Honest, Honor….. e.t.c………???”

Ms. Doris: “We are not ignoring them; they are considered silent.” …!!
(I was even more confused…..??

During the lunch break, MS. Doris gave me her packed
lunch & asked me to heat it in the cafeteria.

I ate all the food and returned her an empty container….!!

Ms. Doris:—- “What happened, I told you to go and HEAT my food & you are returning me an empty container??”

Me: — “.Madam I thought ‘H’ was silent”

ATMs should have timers! When your time is up, it should swallow your card and spray tear gas at you…
Honesty, we are tired of people who play candy crush at the ATM mxm

South Africa is not going forward because we
still have people who smell their armpits to
decide if they will bath or not.

Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,”I’m another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, “Happy birthday, dear. ” All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn’t say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, “Oh well,she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they will sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and have a nice gift for me. ” There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen,yelling, “Give me a slice of toast! I’m late! Where is my coat? I’m going to miss the bus! ” Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile and a cheerful “Happy birthday, boss. ” She then asked if she could get me some coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better. Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, “Since it’s your birthday, why don’t we have lunch together? ” Thinking it would make me feel better, I said, “That’s a good idea. ” So we locked up the office, and since it was my birthday, I said, “Why don’t we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place? ” So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and an ice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, “Why don’t we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini. ” It sounded like a good idea, since we didn’t have much to do in the office. So we went to her apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, “If you will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable,” and she left the room. In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.”

Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife
when he goes to work,
why don’t you do that?
Husband: How can I ?
I don’t even know her.

A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby’s father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe.