That awkward moment
when the teacher tells you to read out loud …
And you don’t even know what page they’re on
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A fat man saw an advertisement: “Lose 5Kg In A Week”⚠
He called and said: “I would like to join”😕
The girl said: “ok, be ready tomorrow at 6 am”😐
The next morning he got to the office and was taken to a room …he opened the door and found a hot babe wearing only shirt and pant😋
She said: “If you can catch me…you can sleep with me!”😉… the man started running after her but couldn’t catch her😩…During the whole week he tried to catchher but he couldn’t and he lost 5 Kg…
He then asked for the 10Kg program…The next morning at 6 am, he opened the door and found hotter babe wearing a bikini👙…she said: “If you can catch me, you will sleep with me…” He lost 10Kg that week…
So he thought that this program was awesome…He then requested for a 25kg program…The girl asked: “Are u sure??…it is really tough!!”😐
The man said: “Why not?”💪
The next day he opened the door expecting to see a naked girl but found a naked man who said: “If i catch you, i will sleep with you!”😀
That week the man lost 40Kg
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She updated her profile pic and her mother commented:
“whose clothes are those??
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Being ugly is not easy…
Sometimes when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror
you end up saying: “maybe it’s not me”
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Cuddling is for the rich.
No woman want to place her head on a broke man’s chest,
when the heart is beating “Debt debt debt”
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And that’s what I figured out lately.
They all listen to reply, or listen because they want to know a certain detail.
They act like listening but they are all somewhere else waiting for you to stop talking.
When you talk, choose a person who listens as if it’s their own story.
Choose someone who knows more details about you, you even forget.
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Being Popular on Facebook is like
sitting at the coolest table in cafeteria
at a Mental hospital function
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A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to him; My king, do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, no mistakes. One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn’t prevent his majesty from losing a finger. Furious and without showing gratitude, the King said; if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger. The servant replied, ‘despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong’. Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant. While being taken to prison, he told the king again, God is Good & Perfect. Another day, the king left alone for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice. On the altar, the savages found out that the king didn’t have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered not “complete” to be offered to the gods. On his return to the palace, he ordered the release of his servant and said; My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger, I was let go. But I have a question; If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in prison? His servant replied; My king, if I had not been put in prison, I would have gone with you, and would have been sacrificed, because I have no missing finger. Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong. Often we complain about life, and the negative things that happen to us, forgetting that everything happens for a purpose. God knows why you are reading this message today, please bless someone with it by sharing it. God is good and perfect!!
May someone shout “Amen” if you are inspired by this message.
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Rich in class
Teacher: “If i lay one egg today and tomorrow i lay four…how many eggs will be there be?”😕
Rich: “None”😑
Teacher: [suprised] “why not??”😨
Rich: “Because u can’t lay eggs”
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An African woman married a Chinese man and had a child…
Two months later the child passed away😢
At the funeral house, the African woman kept crying and saying: “I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!!..”😭
A family member pulled her aside and asked: “what did u know?”😨
She replied: “That Chinese Products don’t LAST LONG!!!”
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Funny guys are dangerous😂😂
They’ll make you laugh and laugh and laugh….
Then boom you’re naked
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Nobody keeps in touch like a female
you promised money
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If you’re a single lady and you’re reading this…
Congratulations you now have a boyfriend😉
Hello “Bae”
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Do you remember when you & your ex said
you’re going to love each other forever?
*IDIOTS*
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No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference btwn the two words “COMPLETE” and “FINISHED”. Some people say there is no difference between ”COMPLETE” and “FINISHED”, but there is. When you marry the right woman you are COMPLETE and when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED! When your wife catches you with another woman you are COMPLETELY FINISHED and when your wife likes shopping so much you are FINISHED COMPLETELY!
Knowledge will kill me
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A teacher’s letter to a parent:
“Dear Parent, Jabu your son, doesn’t smell nice in school. Kindly encourage him to take his bath.”
Parent replies:
“Dear Teacher, Jabu is not a rose flower. Don’t smell him, just teach him! Thank you.”
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