American guy’s wallet:
Dollar bills, ID card and ATM Cards

Zimbabwean guy’s wallet:
3 Condoms, Expired ATM Cards, Voters’ Card, National ID, Shoprite Receipts, Toothpicks, Old kwacha currency etc…

American Lady’s handbag:
Money, Chocolate, ATM card , Apartment keys.

Zimbabwean Lady’s handbag:
Comb, dress, makeup kit, mirror, small pin charger, roll of toilet paper, coins, wrapper , and a Mosquito net.

True or False?

Pain is when you go out to throw away a Pizza Box
and no one sees you

A man was walking
down the street when he was
accosted by a particularly dirty
and shabby-looking homeless
man who asked him for a couple
of cash for dinner.
The man took out his wallet,
extracted 1k and asked, “If I give
you this money, will you buy
some beer with it instead of
dinner?”
“No, I had to stop drinking years
ago,” the homeless man replied.
“Will you use it to go fishing
instead of buying food?” the man
asked.
“No, I don’t waste time fishing,”
the homeless man said. “I spend
all my time trying to stay alive.”
“Will you spend this on green
fees at a golf course instead of
food?” the man asked.
“Are you NUTS!” replied the
homeless man. “I haven’t played
golf in 20 years!”
“Will you spend the money on a
woman in the red light district
instead of food?” the man asked.
“What disease would I get for
1k?” exclaimed the homeless
man.
“Well,” said the man, “I’m not
going to give you the money.
Instead,
I’m going to take you home for a
terrific dinner cooked by my
wife.”
The homeless man was
astounded.
“Won’t your wife be furious with
you for doing that? I know I’m
dirty and I probably smell pretty
disgusting.”
The man replied, “That’s okay.
It’s important for her to see what
a man looks like after he has
given up beer, fishing, golf and
sex.”

A man sits next to a gal on a table in
the hotel
Man: hello madam?
Lady : what is it?
Man : sorry madam , just wanted to ask
what the time
is on your watch?
Lady: ehee …now you think my watch
is used as a
public clock huh? Go away and stop
wasting my time
Man : but madam
Lady :shut up!!!
* the man takes out his Apple phone
and makes call
Man :hello Naught Ashnaan
I just settled from Washington D.C can
you please tell
me what time it is right now so that I
set my clock to
the local time since it still reads
American time
*she
listens* ok thank you and today don’t
forget to come
for the galaxy tablet that you requested
* she listens*
since my girl is still in America bring
me a beautiful girl
to spend my money with tonight
Ok bye
Lady : sir the time is ..
Man : shut up

I started fearing smoking weed,when I saw my neighbour’s son dancing to the sound of my generator. ..When I switched it off he asked me who sang that song ? Because I was afraid he would beat me , I answered ” Yamaha featuring Petrol”

Dad: Who do you like more ,Mum o Dad?
Son:Both

Dad:Ok if i go to America and your mum goes to Paris ,where will you go.
Son: Paris.
Dad: Dat means you like your mum more? Son:No ,that means i like Paris Dad: Ok if i go to Paris and your mum goes to America ,where will you go?
Son: America.
Dad: (Angry) Why! ?
Son: ‘cos l’ve been to Paris before. Dad: (angry) when did you go to Paris ? Son : in the first question you asked.

One word for the boy?

A Zimbabwean policeman stops at a ranch in rural Mvurwi and talks with an old farmer.

He tells the farmer, ‘I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs.’ The old farmer says, ‘Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.’ The policeman verbally explodes saying,
‘Mister, I have the authority of the State with me.’ Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his ID. The policeman proudly displays it to the farmer. ‘See this ID? This ID means I am allowed to go wherever I wish..on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?’

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and sees the police running for his life and close behind is the farmer’s bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The police is clearly terrified. The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..

“Your ID! SHOW HIM YOUR ID!”

Cheating on your wife doesn’t mean that you don’t love her, it’s like hiring a taxi when you have your own car at home. It saves tyres, ensures longer lasting beauty and reduces mileage. Please send this to your wife and see what happens. *Please, let me know which hospital to come to visit you!*

A guy takes a girl on a date. She orders costly champagne, oysters, lobsters, the most expensive food on the menu. The guy asks: “Do you eat like this at your mom’s place?” The girl replies, “No, my mother doesn’t plan to sleep with me after the meal.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,

very closely:

“Are – my – test – results – back?”

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,

very closely:

“Are – my – test – results – back?”

Our kids are in trouble 😳😳😳… Nigerian volunteer teachers coming

How Nigerians pronounce English words:

1. Diz hwan – This one
2. Ozzband – Husband
3. Gugu – Google
4. Broader – brother
5. Con son- concern
6. Save johnny – safe journey
7. Order shy knees – other Chinese
8. Lukatit – look at it
9. More door – mother

Lastly…….most hilarious!!!!

10. Salt of free car – South Africa!!!!